Reflections of a Life Less Ordinary
by massivelyattacked
Summary: As they near the end of their lives, Hawke and Anders look back on their lives and the decisions that brought them to this point. Set in the same universe as "Family Matters", but not intended to be a sequel, only a potential ending.
1. Memory Unbound

**As they near the end of their lives, Hawke and Anders look back on their lives at the decisions that brought them to this point. Set in the same universe as "Family Matters", but not intended to be a sequel. This can be considered only one of the potential outcomes to that story line.**

**I'm tired of writing angst…this is a story about hope and change. And the love that made it all possible.**

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><p><em>Memory Unbound<em>

Standing in the darkness, the two mages embraced. In their last moments together, they reflected on the choices that placed them in this very spot. A lifetime together could never be enough – and so they remembered.

It took almost four years for the last Circle to fall in Thedas. The revolution had for all intents and purposes been a success – if one could look past the death, destruction and mayhem that accompanied it. The holy war on mages had ended. The Chantry fell back and offered a truce; if only for the fact that they could no longer command their own warriors to fight. Freedom had been gained for the mages, and most were not willing to squander it by continuing to destroy the forces that had once opposed and imprisoned them.

Former enchanters of the Circles quickly came together, forming small groups willing to lead the wayward ex-Circle apprentices and mages. Across the land, real schools were being formed. Schools where those with arcane abilities could learn to wield them safely and defend themselves against the temptations inherent in being a mage. The reports of blood magic and demonic influence that ran rampant throughout Tfhedas as the insurgency took place were diminishing. Fear still existed; but other mages not able to teach formed delegations of ambassadors, intent on setting the record straight. Those who had survived the war would ensure that this would never happen again.

The catalysts for the revolution – the Champion of Kirkwall and the Darktown Healer – were proud of their efforts. The sacrifices made were worth it. Living on the run, figuratively razing Circle after Circle to the ground – the ends that were achieved more than justified the means. After four years of fighting for freedom, the two did not know what it meant to have a life of their own. When there were no more battles to be waged, they would look at each other, weary and withered, and wonder if there was a place for them somewhere. With no purpose, they were aimless. The revolt had driven them – given them reason to keep moving on. They didn't know what to do.

"We could always go back to Ferelden," Anders had mentioned to her once.

She pondered the thought for some time. A few days later, she looked up from her dinner and replied.

"I have been considering your suggestion," she said unexpectedly. He was puzzled, but waited to allow her to continue. "Ferelden might be a good place to return to."

"Ah," he replied. "I had wondered if my memory was starting to fade."

She smiled her smile at him – the one that made him weak every time he saw it.

"No," she said. "Your memory is just fine. It just took me some time to decide how to reply to the idea. It would seem to me that Ferelden might just be the only home we ever really knew."

He flinched briefly, recalling the time he spent in the Circle. He had not been born in Ferelden, but spent most of his childhood locked away there – making attempt after attempt to escape its proverbial chains. But he knew that she meant well with her comment. He had, after all, spent some good years with the Wardens before allowing the spirit to take up residence within him. He had found a family with the dwarves, elves and humans at Amaranthine. They were warriors, mages, scoundrels and renegades, but they united with a purpose to rebuild the order that had been decimated during the betrayal at Ostagar. So perhaps she wasn't far off with her observation.

"What could we do there?" he questioned. "I don't suppose too many people are willing to hire a couple of rebel apostates to do some gardening."

"Speak for yourself," she retorted. "I once had a hand in growing a prized pumpkin patch back in Lothering."

"A pumpkin patch is hardly a beautiful garden that would be cherished by the nobles who would have the ability to hire us on," he said, smiling weakly.

She placed a hand softly over his and traced her thumb along his.

"Why couldn't we go back to what we did in Kirkwall?"

"Killing and maiming for those with the highest payout?" he smirked.

"No," she replied softly, "healing. We could open another clinic. With our revolution at an end, we will be able to practice freely. There will be no need to hide. But there is always a need for healing, and Maker knows Ferelden is the place for it."

He nodded. Even ten years after the blight, refugees were still abroad, trying to get back home. Families were wounded by loss, and the poor filled the land. Disease, being the younger brother of poverty, was also a grave concern for the citizens of the country they had both once fled.

"Perhaps you're right," he replied. "Can we afford to?"

She sat for a moment before speaking; pondering what little resources they had left.

"It will be difficult," she said. "We have used up much of our coin, and we are low on supplies for ourselves, let alone to be able to offer some up for others. But, if I was correct in trusting Varric to look after a few trinkets I didn't want to lose to looters when we abandoned the estate, we can go back to Kirkwall. We can retrieve them from him, and sell them for profit to start over."

"Heirlooms, love?" Anders questioned, frowning. "The only memories you likely have of your family? I would prefer to whore myself out to the highest bidder to raise the coin."

"I certainly hope you're referring to your esoteric talents as opposed to your…other abilities," she said slyly. Her fingers traveled up to his chest and he smiled back at her. He clasped his hand over hers and pulled it to rest above his heart.

"My love," he responded sincerely, "I would rather live a desolate existence with you at my side than a thousand with all the riches in Orlais and whores in Rivain without you."

Without a word, she climbed out of her chair and on to his lap – facing him, legs slung on either side of him. Her hands found their way to his face, as his locked behind the small of her back. She leaned forward to lock her lips to his in a kiss, which he responded to eagerly. She could feel his weathered fingers on her exposed skin where her trousers pulled away from short tunic. Those hands that had killed so many yet healed just as much. He was a paradox; a healer bent on the destruction of his opposition; a womanizer who had been tamed by the love of a refugee from Lothering; an apostate who forever longed to stop running. Those hands pulled her deeper into embrace as they barely pulled apart for breath. His kisses migrated towards her cheek…her neck.

"I will always love you," he whispered into her ear, "until the day we die. And when we find each other in the beyond, I will love you for eternity."

His words melted her in his arms. She laced her fingers through his hair, finally beginning to grow long again. No longer needing to hide their identities from the templars and their Chantry enemies, the dark dye had also begun to fade. She missed running her fingers through the length of his hair, brushing through it as they lounged in bed at the estate in Kirkwall. He would tell her stories from his days in Amaranthine – stories of the Wardens and the fabled Hero of Ferelden who had vowed to rebuild the order as his Commander. Soon, she suspected his hair would return to the state in which he kept it back in the city of their exile. And the two would once again be able to lounge about; he telling stories, as she brushed through his hair. A simple freedom that so many others would take for granted. She felt him shiver slightly, and suspected he had thought about the fond memories as well. They were, after all, much happier times in their life, and they held on to those times to help them through the troubling periods.

His kisses stopped for a moment as they held each other tightly. His eyes opened to reveal the door to the room they were in had opened; a figure standing in the doorway.

"It would seem we have a guest," he said to her. She turned to look towards the door, but did not break her embrace. The figure stepped forward, into the dim light of the room. It was a young elven male; one of the first mages to travel with them from the Ostwick Circle.

"Pardon me, messeres," he said, voice wavering. "I did not mean to interrupt."

"Nonsense, dear boy," she responded, loosening her grip on Anders' hair and flipping one leg off of him to stand. "Please, come in. Have a seat."

He accepted her invitation and entered the room, sitting at one of the chairs at the table.

"Are you hungry, boy?" Anders asked. "We seem to have made a little too much dinner for ourselves."

The elf shook his head. She sat down on the chair next to Anders and looked across the table at the elf.

"What can we help you with…uh, Koehemar, was it?" she asked.

The elf's face brightened when his name was mentioned by the Champion.

"Messere Hawke, you honour me," he said, nodding at her. She and Anders exchanged a knowing glance, and allowed him to continue. "I bring word from Starkhaven. A missive was intercepted indicating Prince Vael has amassed his troops in response to the discovery of your whereabouts."

Anders looked at her, concern covering his face. "It would appear that we have overstayed our welcome here in Nevarra."

She frowned. They had only been in a small village northwest of Nevarra City for over a week, and already Sebastian's spies had been able to seek them out. As luck would have it, however, her own spies were able to counter to obtain the needed information in order to get them out before the Starkhaven army descended upon them. She thanked the Maker internally for her good fortune of keeping in touch with the Antivan assassin she had met back in her days in Kirkwall. Zevran had proven to be a more than capable ally in their struggle. She faced the elf, ready to issue instructions.

"Koehemar, inform any of the enchanters present here that we need to disperse…quickly. Any hanging about is ill-advised as it will likely end in bloodshed," she calmly explained to the elf. "I would also recommend that we do not stick together. It would be best to scatter to the winds."

The elf nodded, but lingered for a moment.

"Is there something else, my boy?" Anders asked.

"Messere Anders, I…I have traveled with you for many years. I do not wish to be forward in my request, but…" he stuttered. He looked at the two mages as they anticipated his words. Gulping, he continued. "But I would like to continue to travel with you. I have learned much from you these past years…more than I ever learned even at the Circle. I'm not sure where you're heading, but I would gladly go with you."

Anders looked at his companion and raised an eyebrow.

"You do realize this is a dangerous path you'd be choosing," he said to the elf, who nodded in response.

"And it will be a hard life," she interjected. "We do not have a lot of coin for our journey and will have to work hard to accomplish anything."

"Of course, messeres," Koehemar said excitedly. "I am more than capable of putting in a hard day's work."

"Well, we'll need more than one hard day's work," Anders joked. "But if you aren't afraid of a challenge, we'd be happy to have you along."

"Have you any companions or friends that you feel worthy of such a journey?" she questioned.

The elf's eyes widened.

"Oh, I do!" he replied. "Two very capable mages that have joined us in recent years. I would be upset to leave them behind."

"Then by all means," Anders continued, "please invite your friends to accompany us. We will discuss our plans at greater length this eve. For now, be prepared to leave by dusk."

"Thank you!" he graciously exclaimed.

The elf nodded and jumped up to run out the door of the room.

"Deliver the warning to the enchanters first!" she called after him. Her amused expression turned to worry as she looked back to Anders. "Sebastian. After all these years. I thought that we had provided him with enough incentive to back down when we marched on Starkhaven three years back."

"Bastard will never forgive you for letting me live," he replied.

She sighed. Rising to her feet, she took his hand and her lips curled up into a small smile. "But I could not have forgiven myself for doing otherwise. Come…we have much to prepare in the short hours before dusk."

_Always on the run_, she thought to herself. _Will we ever be given respite to stay in one place ever again?_ She hoped the question could be answered within Ferelden's borders, and hurried off to prepare for her journey southward.


	2. In Exchange for a Kiss

**Me likey reviews and me likey story subscriptions. So thanks in advance for any of that sort of thing. ;)**

**Far as I know, Bioware/EA still owns all this stuff, and I just act like a jealous fool because of it.**

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><p><em>In Exchange for a Kiss<em>

Darkness set in quickly as the gathered mages moved to go their separate ways. The initial panic of the news of the advancing army had diminished. It was replaced by the sadness of parting friends. Some of the mages had traveled together for years in their battle against the templars. It would not be the end however. The underground movement of mages had grown so considerably that for those who knew where to look, it was easy to find anyone you needed to. Still, the parting was bittersweet. A goodbye that was a new beginning.

For Hawke and Anders, their journey south was for two reasons: they would try to escape the reach of Sebastian's forces from Starkhaven; and they hoped to find a place to begin their lives again in Ferelden. Both would prove to be incredibly difficult endeavours. They were not alone though. Joining them would be the elven mage Koehemar and his companions; Lafatria, another elven male who appeared to also be well trained in the art of close combat, and a man who went by the name of Grymm – an appropriate name for the hulk of a man whose huge form gave off a very forbidding warning to potential attackers.

Supplies were split equally among the mages and their supporters. No one would remain behind, and all would be heading out into the lands with little but the clothes on their backs. Gathering an assortment of dried meats and fruit, Hawke and her group pored over the remaining selection of poultices and herbs that the rebels had gathered over their time together. They selected enough to keep them safe for part of their journey, intending to keep an eye open for suitable ingredients on the road to Ferelden. Once they arrived at its borders, she felt confident that she and Anders would be able to remember locations that would have some of the supplies they would require to concoct their own remedies.

As planned, the five mages began their journey. She dubbed them her 'band of merry men', particularly comical due to the lack of joy found in any of them, most of all Grymm. The man's expression rarely changed from a bleak, stone-faced look, let alone reaching anything that resembled a smile. She had never heard a word from him, aside from a grunt or a groan. She decided she would make it her mission to get a laugh out of the large man before they reached a final destination if it killed her. She and Anders did seem to get on well with their three new companions throughout the first few hours of their journey. They planned to cross the Minanter River and head towards Nevarra City to find rest for the night, before setting off south for Cumberland. Despite Anders' protests, they had already sent word to Varric in Kirkwall to forward the items she had entrusted with him for their arrival in the southern city. He hated that she was to the point of desperation that she would sell her family's heirlooms to fund their journey and resettlement, but she knew that without it, they would have no hope for carrying out their plans. She hoped that the items would reach the city shortly after they arrived, and that neither journey would be plagued by Sebastian's spies.

Close to midnight, the group arrived at the outskirts of Nevarra City. Although the war between mages and the Chantry was behind them, there were still templar sympathizers and those who did not believe in the idea of freedom for mages. The group hid their identities as well as possible, cloaking themselves with hooded robes, and made their way through the external streets of the city. The streets were surprisingly busy for this time of night, making it easy to hide from prying eyes and blend in. With little in the way of coin, they attempted to find an inexpensive room for the night to share. They entered what looked to be an inn called Hunters' Rest, promptly realizing their mistake as they opened the door. It was definitely a brothel. The two elves quickly found blush creeping up on to their cheeks, while the giant male next to them remained unreadable. Hawke had spent enough time in the Blooming Rose back in Kirkwall to feel uncomfortable, but Anders attempted to avert his eyes from the display in front of them out of respect for his love.

"Well…there _are_ rooms in this place," she said, sighing. "We should see if perhaps they will allow us to pay to spend the night. At the very least, we can have a drink and a bite to eat. It will likely be one of the few places for a meal that we find on the road."

The others nodded and they entered the main hall of the establishment. She made her way over to a quiet part of the bar where a blond-haired young woman in very little clothing was cleaning up a mess. She attempted to get the woman's attention by waving at her. Then coughing loudly in her direction. Then outright calling over to her, saying "Excuse me!" None of her techniques seemed to be working, and she slumped against the bar unhappily.

"Useless!" she cried out.

"Why don't you let me give this a try?" Anders suggested. He sidled his way up to the bar across from the young woman and leaned over towards her. Catching a glance from her, he locked eyes with her and smiled mysteriously. "Excuse me, my dear woman. My friends and I are looking for a place to rest for the night. I don't suppose you might be able to help us with something like that now would you?"

The woman smiled widely back at him, her brown eyes sparkling. "You do see what sorta place we're runnin' here, don'tcha? We don't like ta just be givin' away our rooms without fillin' 'em with our young lads and gals, ya' 'ear?" She leaned forward across the bar, squeezing her breasts together in an obvious display of cleavage.

"Surely you must have some rooms that aren't in use all of the time?" he pushed. "It couldn't hurt to make an additional profit without using up the talents of one of your…employees."

"Well, I spose it coulden hurt," she replied, shrugging. She walked towards the other end of the bar, stopping to speak with a woman of about forty years. The two spoke briefly, looked back in the direction of the group, and the older woman nodded. Her eyes lingered a bit too long on Anders, and Hawke felt a twinge of what she perceived to be jealousy hit her in the stomach. The younger woman sauntered back to them to deliver the news that they could in fact rent one of the rooms. "But Mistress Valencia 'ere wants a kiss from this one." She motioned towards Anders, but looked directly at Hawke with a smirk on her face. The older woman made her way to the other side of the bar and strolled up to the group. Her light brown hair was starting to display strands of silver throughout it, but she was not older looking for it. The woman was quite beautiful, small creases beginning to form at the corners of her eyes and mouth. Standing next to Anders, she slowly rolled a finger from his hand up his arm towards his face, watching Hawke carefully as she did so. She easily detected the fact that something existed between the two, and decided to play off of it.

"You don't mind, do you love?" she said, looking at Hawke. "Just one little kiss?"

Anders, slightly amused at the goings on, looked over at her face, which was now displaying a frown.

"No," she growled. "Of course I don't mind."

He winked at her and took the woman's hand from his face. He softly kissed the back of her hand and smiled.

"There," he declared. "A kiss for the lovely proprietor of this fine establishment."

"Why, I should throw you out on your asses for that," the older woman said. "But such a sweet ass does not deserve to be out in the streets on such a chilly night." She winked at him and placed a hand on his backside for emphasis. When she did not let go immediately, Hawke took a menacing step forward, reaching for something inside of her cloak. Anders placed a hand on his companion's wrist, while stepping out of the grip of the woman. She backed away at Anders' touch.

"Of course, my lady," he said, turning back to the woman. "I shall give you a proper kiss. And then you shall give us a proper room."

"That will depend on the 'proper'-ness of the kiss," she said slyly.

The mage took a step towards her and placed a hand on her cheek softly. He moved in and pressed his lips against hers. She grabbed the back of his head, holding his kiss in place for longer than he intended, until he finally broke free. She smiled at him, then turned an icy gaze towards Hawke.

"A fine room for a fine kiss," she said, slipping a fingertip in her mouth and biting it seductively. She turned towards the younger woman, holding out a key. "Show them to their room, Marguerite."

Marguerite took the key from her employer's grip and ushered the group towards the stairs. Her hips swayed excessively as she led them up the stairs, made more apparent by the short layers of skirts that barely covered her smallclothes – if she were even wearing any. The two elves were horrified and intrigued at the same time, unsure of whether to allow their eyes to linger on her bottom, or shield them from the view. The five followed the woman to a room in the back right corner of the building. She unlocked the door and held the key out towards Lafatria, who shivered when the woman's hand touched his own.

"'ere you are, loves," she said. She placed a hand on each of the elves' faces. "If either of you are up for a little fun later, you know where to find me." They looked at each other in shock, and the woman slowly slithered past them, bumping purposefully into Hawke as she passed. Her eyes fell on Anders. "And if this one 'ere can't take proper care of you, I'd sure be willing to give you a go." The mage took a deep breath and balled her fists, squeezing so tightly that a small charge of electricity appeared at her sides. Anders responded by tossing the woman the coin for the room and placing his arm around his love, turning her away from the offensive bartender. The woman shrugged, started to walk away and smacked Grymm's backside as she passed him. His brow furrowed further, but he made no sound.

The group entered the room, and Hawke quickly snuck away from Anders' embrace.

"You will never let me live this one down, will you?" he questioned, looking at her.

"I will _never_ let you live this one down," she replied, turning away from him and heading towards one of the beds. But she did – and in fact, it was the last he ever heard of the incident from her.

The room held two simple beds, and several large chairs around a round table. The decorations were not lavish, but pleasant nonetheless. A large bathing tub sat in an alcove next to a window that overlooked a large garden off the side street running next to the brothel. Grymm slumped down into one of the chairs. The two elves placed their supplies next to one of the beds, removed their cloaks and sat across from the large man. Koehemar pulled a deck of cards out of a pocket in his robes, and began dealing out cards to the other two. Lafatria asked Hawke and Anders if they would like to join. Anders smiled, but shook his head.

"I am exhausted, and need to rest before we set off tomorrow," she replied. "You three had best think about doing the same." They nodded, but continued with their game.

The woman pulled a sleeping robe from her pack and placed it at the edge of the bed. She began to disrobe, unconcerned about the other men in the room. As she stood in her smallclothes, she caught the eyes of Grymm on her and smirked in his direction. _Perhaps making him laugh will not be such a challenge after all_, she thought to herself. A knock on the door broke her concentration and she started towards it.

Anders quickly jumped in front of her path in protest. "But you're not dressed to receive a visitor," he said.

"This is a brothel Anders," she retorted. "I hardly think there is a dress code in effect."

She pushed him aside and continued towards the door. She opened it and looked out. Her eyes fell upon Mistress Valencia, holding a tray with several pieces of fruit, a bottle of wine and some mugs with ale.

"Can I help you with something Mistress?" she hissed at the woman.

Valencia's eyes traveled down towards Hawke's lack of dress and she began to chuckle.

"I can see why the fellow you travel with was reluctant to give me that kiss," she remarked. "Perhaps you might consider sticking around at the Hunters' Rest for more than a night? We can always use new women of your...condition."

"Hardly," Hawke stated. She never considered herself a true beauty. She was tall, but her frame was undersized. Back in Kirkwall before the pirate woman had abandoned her, she felt insignificant when she traveled with the voluptuous beauty. Likewise when she attended the Blooming Rose – all the women there were curvy and well-proportioned, unlike her boyish physique. She had the body of a woman who had a challenging life – full of hard labour and being on the run. She had quickly forgotten about the misgivings she had about her body throughout her time with Anders though. He had quite literally worshipped her. She often thought it was more the connection they had as mages and the way she supported him in his struggle with the spirit. However, his careful attention to every part of her when they lay together in the quiet moments was enough to convince her otherwise. His attraction to her was undeniable, as was hers to him.

"Shame, really," the woman said, interrupting her thoughts. "No matter. I have brought you something to welcome you to our parlour. Call it a peace offering, if you will."

"That is…appreciated," Anders said, draping her cloak over her shoulders and pulling her away from the door. He took the tray from Valencia and nodded, bringing it over to the table and placing it on top.

"Quite protective of your woman, I see," she said, smiling at him. "Why, I almost feel a bit jealous of the whole thing."

Hawke looked back at the woman and their eyes met. The older woman winked at her. "You'd best serve his needs well, or one of us may seek an opportunity to move in."

"Thank you," Anders said, ushering the woman out the door, closing it behind her. He turned to face Hawke, but she had already turned away. She was changing into her sleeping robe. The others began to pore over the newly acquired food and drink.

Anders approached her as she pulled back the covers and sat down on the bed. He sat next to her and put a hand gently on her knee.

"You must be hungry, or even a little thirsty," he suggested.

"Not really," she replied without looking at him. She was focused on massaging her sore feet.

"You can't deny some ale when it's free," he said.

"Some of us have had to pay for it more than others," she snarled, making eye contact with him.

"Oh, my love," he pleaded, "that was nothing to me."

"Sadly," she said, "seeing you…_flirting_...with other women is an ugly thing to witness."

"You're…_jealous_?" he exclaimed. "You _cannot_ be serious!"

She looked at him sheepishly.

"Yes," she replied, "and I'm not proud of that. How disgusting…"

He chuckled and pulled her towards him playfully, ruffling her hair.

"You never cease to surprise me, love," he said. "The powerful Champion of Kirkwall…vanquisher of the almighty Chantry and its Circles…submitting to the lowly demon of jealousy. You are almost _too_ cute to believe."

She pushed him away and he smiled at her, standing up.

"So then you _will_ have a mug of ale, I assume," he said.

"Of course I'll have a sodding mug of ale," she replied. "I thought you knew me better than that!"

He walked over to the other three mages who were well into a game of cards at that point.

"No one minds if I grab a couple of these?" he asked, pointing to the mugs. Koehemar shook his head, pushing the tray closer to him. Anders picked up a couple of mugs and a pile of grapes and returned to the bed. He placed the items on the small table next to the side of the bed opposite her and moved to extinguish three lanterns in the room, leaving only one lantern and a couple candles lit by the card game. He pulled a small changing screen to shield the bed from the light at their table.

He quickly disrobed, and slid into the bed next to her. He passed her a mug of ale, and took one for himself. Holding the pile of grapes in his hand, he offered some to her.

"I think I saw some vines in the darkness as we came close to the city," he said. "These must be from a farm nearby. That means fresh."

She took a few and popped one into her mouth. Biting into it, the juice dribbled on to her lower lip.

"Delicious!" she exclaimed. "I haven't had such fresh fruit for so long."

He smiled at her. "Am I forgiven?" he asked, innocently looking up at her.

"I suppose," she huffed.

He threw a grape at her. "Thank the Maker!" he replied. "I hate it when you're angry with me. It's so…awkward. And not just for me. These poor mages we've decided to let tag along would probably have been regretting their decision to come with us for the entire journey. And that's _if_ they even stayed with us!"

The two mages continued to speak softly, finishing up their fruit and ale before retreating under the covers. She rolled away from him on to her side and he scooted up behind her. Draping an arm over her, she curled into his embrace. He kissed her softly on the back of her neck.

"Traveling alone would have been more fun," he whispered into her ear. "But I could lay with you in my arms like this forever and be completely at peace with the world." He squeezed her gently as her hand moved up to weave his fingers with hers. He felt her shiver in his arms, and quietly conjured a warm aura up to envelop them both. They fell asleep entwined, protected from the world for one more night.


	3. A Life Reclaimed

_A Life Reclaimed_

Hawke stood at the window in the morning; the sky a dull grey. The day started out overcast, and the rains slowly began to fall. Despite the gloomy weather, the streets filled up quickly, as Nevarra City's residents opened up their shops and went about their business. Even in the dullness of the grim day, the city was beautiful – the lowliest of streets decorated with statues, carvings and murals on the sides of buildings. Tremendous gardens filled entire city blocks, and dotted the side streets between buildings instead of alleys. She imagined that many of those that came to the city were artisans, wishing to add their talents and designs somewhere to the landscape.

As she continued to look out the window, a group of people, wearing very familiar armour, caught her eye.

"Damn," she muttered to herself, as she eyed the soldiers carefully.

"Something the matter, love?" she heard a voice from behind her say as a hand rested on her hip and a kiss landed on her cheek. She did not take her eyes off the scene as she motioned out the window.

"Starkhaven soldiers," she said. "Here quicker than I expected."

"They can't know we're here," Anders replied. "Look…they're scouts. They are not in heavy armour. Probably came down the Minanter and landed here."

"I hope you're correct," she said. "But this will certainly make for a difficult exit from the city. Particularly if someone passes along information that we were sighted."

"So, perhaps we should just lay low for the morning. We'll take our time and prepare for the journey ahead of us," he suggested. The two watched as the soldiers walked out of view. She turned to face him, spinning straight into an embrace.

"Oh!" she said, surprised by his closeness.

"Good morning," he said, smiling warmly at her.

She smiled back, the trouble in her face being replaced by bits of serenity.

"Did you sleep well?" she asked.

He nodded.

"Your spirit has been quiet lately?" she questioned, though it was more of a statement than an inquiry.

"He has," Anders answered. "I wasn't sure if it was just me imagining the quiet in my mind, or if he has actually subsided."

"Truly though, the injustice against the mages is fading," she said. "Perhaps he is sated for the moment. I recall that things were similar after…"

"After fleeing from Kirkwall," he cut in, "yes, I know. But it didn't take long for the spirit to return to the forefront of my mind and take over my thoughts once again."

"Perhaps we need to keep you in a good mood then," she said. "There is no injustice in the world…there is no injustice in the world."

He laughed at her mantra, wishing the thought were true. He suspected that it would not be long before Justice was enveloping his mind again, embracing some new cause…seeking some new inequality to correct. He had spent the past four years fighting very hard to maintain some semblance of control over his mental guest, and at times, felt he was winning. The fact that he was still alive…still in the arms of his love was indicative of that in itself. Small victories were sometimes more rewarding than the bigger ones. All in all, the process was exhausting. He had aged significantly in too many ways.

"I can think of a few ways to keep me in a good mood," he said, smiling at her. He quickly glanced at the bed where the two elves lay sleeping, and the chair where Grymm was still completely knocked out. "You know…we could probably just…"

"Don't you even think of it, Anders," she scolded. "I refuse to engage in any such behaviour in front of our new friends."

"Killjoy!" he declared.

"Besides," she responded, "they'll find out soon enough. Poor Koehemar was almost witness to more than he was ready to see yesterday."

"And now he's traveling with us," Anders pointed out. "Perhaps he's looking to join in?"

"You're just awful," she said, swatting at him. He pulled her close and kissed her on the forehead. He released the embrace at the sound of a knock at the door. This time, Anders made his way to the door, as she walked towards the table to grab an apple from the tray from the night prior.

He opened the door and looked out to again see Mistress Valencia standing behind it.

"May I come in?" she questioned. Her face displayed worry, and there were no false pretenses behind her question. Anders stepped back and opened the door to allow her to enter.

Hawke heard the woman's voice and walked over to the entryway to the room. The woman nodded in her direction curtly.

"I apologize for the interruption," she said. "But I am concerned about something. I'll get right to the point. There were men here a short time ago asking for a pair of mages matching your descriptions."

Anders looked nervously at Hawke. The older woman saw the glance and nodded.

"You are the mages in question then," she said.

"Likely," Hawke responded. She described the armour on the group of soldiers she saw on the street earlier and Valencia nodded. She sighed. "Then they do know we're here."

Valencia shook her head.

"I was careful to not let on that I had seen you. I believe they accepted my word as truth," she said.

Anders breathed a sigh of relief. "I…how can we thank you for this?"

She smiled sweetly. "There is no need. I have owned this establishment for many years. What I saw between you…it reminded me of something I once had, long ago. My…daughter…was taken from me. She started to display…considerable talents…when she was five years old. Five years old…" Her eyes watered a little, but she continued. "My husband…he tried to stop them from taking her, but…they…killed him. They just…threw him off of them as he tried to grab for my little Melina, and he…he fell to the ground. His head…he landed on a…rock. He was dead shortly after, and my daughter taken."

She sniffed loudly, and Hawke took her hand in both of hers. She was no longer fighting back tears, and they flowed generously.

"I lost everything. I came to Nevarra City from the farming village we lived in, and never looked back. My daughter…I don't even know if she's still alive. You're both mages. I don't know what you've done. I don't care what you've done. But I refuse to turn over a mage to anyone."

Hawke thought back as best she could – considered every mage that she ever come across in the past four years. _Melina…Melina…_, she thought. Had she ever encountered the girl? She would likely have been through her Harrowing by this time.

"Wait," Anders said. "Didn't we encounter a Melina back in Cumberland? Dark haired girl…very gifted with entropic spells."

Hawke's mind flooded with the girl's image suddenly. She nodded. "I do recall a young woman with that name." She tried to remember something…anything distinguishing about the girl.

Valencia's eyes widened with hope. "My daughter, would be of twenty two years now. She did have dark hair. I know little of magic – I could not tell you what talents she would possess now."

"She used to hum, this one particular tune," Anders said. "It stuck in my head whenever she did, and I can still remember it." He began to hum the tune, and Valencia immediately dropped to her knees in front of them. Hawke kneeled at her side.

"You know it?" she asked.

The woman nodded. "It was a lullaby I used to sing to her to help her sleep. I can't…I can't believe she…" She threw her arms around Hawke, shaking as she wept tears of joy. Hawke hugged the woman back and looked up at Anders who stared back incredulously. He was shocked that this woman they encountered so randomly was linked to their rebellion in such a small way. The Maker certainly had a strange way of providing assistance to those who needed it.

"Valencia," he said. "The Circles are no longer. Your daughter is free. We have contacts that could likely track her down, if you wish it."

She looked up at him and nodded, wiping away tears. "More than anything, I wish it! More than anything…" Hawke rose to her feet and offered a hand to the woman to help her up. She accepted the hand and stood up. "Do you truly think you can find her?"

"It has been some time since we've seen her last," Hawke warned her. "I cannot guarantee that we will find her, but do not lose hope. There is a very good chance that we will be able to learn of her whereabouts and send her a message. We will put you in contact with one of our Nevarran associates. Through that person, you will be able to reach us if you need, and they will be able to provide you with information about your daughter when it is available."

The older woman looked at her, grateful for all that she offered.

"I apologize for putting you through what I did last night. My status here sometimes leaves me little room for anything but cheekiness. You are too kind to help me," she said. "It would appear that you are both very lucky to have each other in the way that you do." She looked at Anders and smiled, then looked back to Hawke. "And he _does_ have quite an ass."

The three heard a very audible snicker behind them and turned to see Koehemar and Lafatria stifling giggles under the bed covers. Grymm was also awake; stone-faced as ever.

"Ah, your companions are also awake," Valencia said. "Please, let me prepare a meal for you all before you leave. It is the _very_ least I can do for you for the hope you have provided me this day."

"Is it…safe for us to come down into the main hall?" Anders questioned.

"Yes," Hawke chimed in, "what are the chances of the men you spoke with returning?"

"Very slim," she replied. "I will have the door locked and the curtains drawn to minimize attention. I will arrange for one of my employees to bring the supply carts round the back to assist in taking you from the city. The men only described the two of you, so your companions should be free to leave without having to be discreet."

"Thank you," Anders said. "We will wash up and be down shortly then?" He looked at the others for approval of the plan; all nodded, save for Grymm. Valencia nodded and retreated from the room as the others began to prepare themselves to face the world.

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><p>Valencia had kept her word. She entrusted the task of getting the five mages out of the city to one of her longest and most dependable employees. The man, Barnaby, had been in her employ since his teenage years, and was one of the few who knew about her past. He too had lost family to the templars – a brother, Matthius, taken at the age of nine. The group could not recall a man with that name though, and could not promise the same to Barnaby as they had to the woman. Still, they would always remain vigilant for any sign of him. Contacts were exchanged, as were embraces.<p>

"You are always welcome here should you need a place to rest your heads," Valencia advised. "Provided you do not mind the company we keep."

And no one minded. Support was always a welcome thing, no matter who or what the source.

Thankful that the rains had subsided, Hawke and Anders ascended on to the cart, hiding behind some cases of empty bottles of ale and wine. The two elves covered them with blankets and other random bits of refuse before settling on to the back of the cart. Grymm stood at the side of the cart, happy to walk by himself. Or at least, as content as the scowl on his face allowed him to appear. Barnaby had long since connected the cart to the pair of horses he used for supply runs and sat at the front of the cart, ready to go. Valencia bid the group farewell, and the man signaled to the beasts to move.

The trip through the city was uneventful. Hawke dared to peak out of their hidden location as the cart wound through the paths of the necropolis outside of the city. She was fascinated by the funerary practices of the Nevarrans, and could not deny herself the sight itself. The tombs that skirted the southern border of the city were incredible. Some huge pieces were carved out of single rocks…others were constructed simply – indicative of lower class families. But all proved such a respect for the dead. The tombs seemed to go on forever. The further they traveled, the more ornate they became, until finally, they were surrounded by farmland dotted with the odd tree.

Barnaby slowed to a halt as the cart pulled into an area full of thick brush. He and the others looked around carefully before pulling the covers back to allow the hidden mages to emerge. The group thanked Barnaby for his assistance and reminded him that they would always keep an ear to the ground for word about his brother. He was appreciative. They removed their belongings and supplies from the cart, and the man pulled the horses away, turning back around towards Nevarra City.

They walked on. The weather was cool, and the rains were spotty. Banter, like the rain, was also sporadic. Koehemar and Lafatria would chatter away here and there about their favourite foods, what they planned to do in Ferelden, naughty books that they had spied in the older apprentices' footlockers back in the Circle. Grymm grunted occasionally to signify his displeasure at one or two of their topics. Hawke and Anders followed behind the other mages, listening in on the random pieces of conversation, but primarily enjoying the company of one another in silence. She reflected internally on what they would be able to do in Ferelden if they were successful in opening a new clinic for the poverty-stricken and downtrodden in the country.

Starting a new life. It all sounded so idealistic. Yet they had a long way to go. Safely traveling to Cumberland would be their first challenge – especially with the awareness that they were currently being hunted by Starkhaven scouts. They had hoped their trail was thrown off however, with the help of Mistress Valencia – a surprising woman that neither of them would forget.

As they walked along, the rain beginning to sprinkle once again, she looked at Anders. He noticed that she was doing so, and he turned and smiled at her. He reached down and took her hand in his, lacing his fingers through hers. She smiled back, knowing that the challenges they had faced down thus far were only beaten because they faced them together. With that in mind, her heart sent out a challenge to the world – bring it on. She was ready for anything.


	4. One Million Steps to a Proper Life

**Reviews? Yes, please. I love 'em.**

**Oh yeah, and Bioware/EA has the rights to this stuff...I am merely their lyrium-embued slave...**

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><p><em>One Million Steps to a Proper Life<em>

Five days had passed before Hawke and her companions laid eyes on the remnants of the Imperial Highway. She had made the journey from Cumberland to Nevarra City before, following the Highway for most of the trip. It had taken them three weeks to complete the expedition, but then, the group was much larger – mages of a whole range of ages. It was hard to keep everyone together and moving at a good pace like that. But not only had they made good time fighting through the heavier brush and half a week's worth of rain-soaked fields, they were about to embark on the 'easy' part of the journey. The elevated Highway may not have been covered, but it would at least be free of mud and thick vegetation. Several portions along the road to Cumberland were collapsed, and would provide a challenge to navigate for a short while, but the distance was predominantly clear.

The danger was found more in who they would meet on the road. There was no way to tell where Sebastian's forces might come from – though it was apparent that they would not be headed to Nevarra City any longer. At least she hoped that would be the case – she had no idea if their whereabouts were reported by someone who may have spotted them entering or exiting the city. But that was neither here nor there. No sense in dwelling on something that may or may not come to pass. Hopefully the latter.

The group slowed down as they reached the stairway to the Highway. Anders suggested a break to rest before setting off on the bricked road, and all agreed. They found a dry spot in a large crack under the elevated road and placed their supplies there. Koehemar pulled a bit of cooked hare out of his pack and shared with his fellow mages. Hawke ran up the stairs and stood at the top, looking around. There was no one visible on the road for as far as she could see, and saw no movement on the ground either, save for some birds and small ground animals she could not identify at such a distance. As she came back down the stairs, sprinkles of rain began to fall upon her, but they were warmer than the rains of late had been. She spied a patch of grass just beyond the bottom step and fell to her back when she reached it. It felt so lovely to run her fingers through the dampened blades, and feel the spray from above hit her exposed skin. She closed her eyes and lay on the ground as the men chewed on their food near the great stone structure.

Several moments later, Anders approached her, crouching down over her.

"You're getting all wet down there," he said, pointing out the obvious.

"And it's wonderful," she replied, smiling.

He kneeled at her side and wiped some damp strands out of her eyes.

"You look quite lovely lying there," he said. "You know what I would really like to do right now?"

"Anders…it's not even a surprise anymore," she said, smirking.

"No," he said, shaking his head. "Not that…though, now that you mention it." He flashed a cheeky smile at her. She laughed. "Truly though…"

"Well, if it's not being naughty, then I cannot imagine what it might be!" she exclaimed.

"You wound me, serah," he said, clasping his hands over his heart, with a pained look on his face.

"Oh, _so_ dramatic," she scoffed.

"For good reason," he said. "I'm not _always_ all about sex when it comes to you. Perhaps three quarters of the time, but not _all_ the time."

She shook her head and laughed.

"In any case, you're getting off topic," she said. "What is it that you would really like to do right now?"

"I suppose that is a little misleading," he began. "It's not really something I'd like to do now. Well, it _is_ something I'd like to do now, but…"

"Quit stalling!" she demanded.

"Okay, okay!" he replied. "When we get to Ferelden, I…I want to make things official…us…I want to make _us_ official."

"A declaration of love from atop the Kinloch Hold?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

Moving from a kneeled position, he sat beside her, grabbing her hands and pulling her up to sit. Holding one of her hands, he cupped her cheek with his other.

"I want to marry you, love," he said.

"But…we're mages…you're a Grey Warden…I thought…" she started.

"Popular misconception," he replied, dropping his hands to his side. "Most Wardens don't marry out of duty to the order, but…I've already left them behind. And the war is over. It will be some time before we can live completely free as mages, but we might as well start acting like proper people."

"Do you really think that _any_one in the Chantry will let us come within miles of them?" she asked.

"Who said anything about the Chantry? There are other options. Don't Keepers perform a joining ceremony for the Dalish? And even if they wouldn't perform the ceremony for a couple of humans, there's bound to be someone we can turn to for this," he suggested.

"I suppose that's true," she said.

"Are you really fighting me on this?" he asked.

"No," she replied, "But I want to make sure you've thought this through. Your track record for commitments isn't exactly…"

"I've never walked away from a commitment that I made myself," he said, cutting her off. "The Circle…the Wardens…they were never choices I agreed to."

"True," she said, deep in thought.

He took her hands in his once more and looked into her eyes – those eyes that on so many occasions turned him into a bumbling fool.

"I love you," he said. "I want to marry you. I want to have a child with you. And I want to be able to raise that child in a proper family."

His eyes pleaded her to feel the same way, and for all the reasons that she could come up with to deny his request, there was always just the one that she came back to – him. She loved him, and deep down wanted the same things he did. It would never be 'normal', but it would be as close to that as they'd ever know.

"Alright," she said.

His eyes widened and shimmered in the light of the dull day.

"Alright?" he repeated.

"Yup," she said, daring to let the corners of her mouth curl up into a hint of a smile.

"And you're not just saying that to appease me?" he asked, hopeful. "You really want this too?"

"You know, you can really be an ass sometimes," she said, exasperated. "Of course I want this too. More than anything I want to have a proper family with you."

"Really?"

"Shut up, Anders!" she said, pulling him towards her. She kissed him intently and pulled back quickly. "You are exhausting!"

He pulled her back and encircled her with his arms. He squeezed tightly and kissed her cheek softly.

"I am the happiest mage the world has ever known," he whispered into her ear. And his victory was celebrated by him alone, as there was no trace of the spirit inside – no objections to be noted.

They did not see it, but their elven companions watched them from a short distance away, unsure of the discussion taking place, but knowing that its outcome was a good one. They were glad to see smiles on the faces of their party's two leaders. For so long during the battles, their expressions never changed. The woman was frequently solemn and regularly looked at her companion with sad eyes full of regret and pain. And Anders appeared genuinely frightening – always with the eerie blue glow about him. His voice was different from the way it was now, and they didn't understand. But no one – especially he and Hawke – ever spoke of the issue. Perhaps they would be brave enough to bring the subject up one day – but not that day. There was too much happiness present to spoil it with such talk.

The group had dallied for almost too long at the base of the stairs, and eventually set off on their journey south again.

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><p>Another week or so passed on the road. As Hawke predicted, they made excellent time on the Imperial Highway, and were about to get off the road to make their turn towards Cumberland. She wasn't sure if she was ready to return to the city. For as large as Nevarra City was with its vastness dedicated to the necropolis, Cumberland was just as large and filled with the living. And someone was bound to recognize her or Anders and pass the information to the wrong people. Their experience taking down the College of Magi was painful. Unlike many of the other Circles, they experienced resistance from even the mages themselves at the College. It was not shocking – the Grand Enchanter himself lived and worked there. Seemingly he was more comfortable with the idea of the Circle, given that he had far more freedom than most mages would ever see.<p>

But like all the others, it too fell at their feet. She did not know where the Grand Enchanter ended up. She knew the man lived, but he disappeared without a trace in the chaos. Such a shame really…the man had great knowledge that would have been useful to share amongst the now-free mages. Yet his selfishness and desire to maintain his station in life caused him to be blind to the plight the others faced. So few wished to rock the boat in a situation such as this, and that complacency led to the circumstances that so many mages needed to be free of.

The weather had improved in the recent days, turning from constant drizzle to warm and sun-filled. The group was happier for it – even Grymm's face showed signs that he was capable of making more than one expression. Still, Hawke wondered how the man ever cast a spell without speaking. She had never seen him in battle – not that she could recall anyhow. A man of his size using magic would have likely been difficult to forget. She suspected he mumbled more than anything, and left it at that. He was the closest to a golem that she ever believed she would see.

As farmsteads began to dot the landscape with more frequency, they decided to set camp for the night and make the final leg of the journey to Cumberland in the morning. The night passed quickly, as the exhausted travelers wearily found a clearing off of the main road, and fell asleep.

The morning sun through the trees surrounding the clearing woke the group the next day. They prepared quickly, excited to reach a place where they might obtain a hot meal in a comfortable location. And some ale would have been nice too. They trudged down the road as sparse farmland was replaced by shacks and small fields, and eventually more dense homes as they neared the city proper.

As they passed two large wooden buildings on their right, a voice called out from the darkness of the alleyway between.

"Are you a bird of prey?" the voice called, in more of a hoarse whisper than a shout.

The group stopped as Hawke turned to investigate. She approached the alley, and Anders prepared to ready his staff. A small figure stepped out of the shadows – a young boy, hooded.

"You are looking for a…bird of prey? A 'hawk' perhaps?" she said to the boy, eyeing him closely for deceptive signs. But she saw none. Instead, he stepped forward into the light and nodded.

"Message for the bird from an old friend," the boy said.

"What old friend?" she asked.

"Message says you're mutual friends with Bianca," he replied.

With that, Hawke relaxed and stepped to the boy, retrieving the message from him. She unfolded the parchment, tossing some coin at the boy for his trouble.

"Oh thank you, Messere!" he exclaimed and disappeared back into the shadows in the alley.

_Clever, Varric_, she thought to herself, _very clever._

Leaning against the building in the alley, she looked down to read the note from the storyteller.

_To the bird of prey,_

_On your flight south through the glittering city on the coast, you shall have your trinkets returned. Fly to the house of ale, where the sages are lewd and the witches offensive. If you are there during the second fortnight of Bloomingtide, you shall find your deliverance._

_Your friend…and Bianca's…_

_The "Chesty Chatterer"_

Hawke sighed. She did love the dwarf with all her heart, and the man had a way with storytelling. But he was as dumb as a blind nug when it came to using hidden codes in his messages. It would take some time before she would able to decipher what the note meant.

She sighed loudly and Anders approached her.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"What in the Void does this even mean?" she exclaimed. She handed the note over to him and his face crinkled up when he read it.

"Well, I can tell you that this is definitely from Varric," he replied, passing the note to the others to read.

"Helpful," she replied with a smirk. "At the very least, it would appear that we will be meeting a contact at a tavern."

"Nice!" exclaimed Lafatria happily.

"I suppose we should start looking for taverns…bars…brothels?" she suggested.

Anders nodded. "That would appear to be what our dear friend has suggested."

And they followed the suggestion. After unsuccessfully searching around the streets themselves for a time, they decided to employ a different strategy. Starting in the marketplace, they began to ask around for different taverns that might have a name related to the mages. Unfortunately for them, in this city that once housed the College of Magi, _every_ tavern had a name dealing with the mages.

One vendor seemed to be more helpful than the others – he suggested a location, a little out of the way. But he could not recall the name. He described the location, and they decided to attempt to find it as it didn't sound like any place they'd seen up to that point. He provided directions from the market; they thanked him and were on their way. They continued across the city, following the route suggested.

"It should be just around this corner," Lafatria said, recalling the merchant's directions.

The group rounded the corner and found themselves staring straight at the red-tinged building with the black drapery in the windows – just as the merchant had said. Hawke saw a small sign posted that she could not read from the front. She took several steps to the side until the sign became visible.

_Varric, you devil._

She turned around to face her companions, extending an arm in the direction of the sign.

"This has _got_ to be the place," she stated triumphantly.

"After the wild goose chase that Varric has sent us on," Anders complained, "this had better be worth it!"

The group entered the tavern slowly, keeping their eyes and ears open for both the messenger and potential danger.

"Ahh, new customers!" shouted a voice from the bar. They looked towards the bar to see a middle-aged man with a round face and belly smiling at them. "Welcome to The Vulgar Magus Alehouse. What can I get for you?"

The group approached the bartender and Hawke threw down enough coin for drinks for the five of them.

"Make that six," declared a voice from behind her. She turned to face a slight male, dressed in a simple cloak. He turned to face her directly. "Your messenger will be joining you shortly, Messere Hawke." He retreated as quickly as he appeared.

She turned around to the bartender. "Six, it is," she corrected herself. The bartender nodded and invited them to find a seat in the fairly empty establishment. They chose a dark section near the back in a corner. They sat down and looked around. The tavern was musty; definitely not well attended by the more noble citizens of the city. But it had a quaint charm about it – similar to that of the Hanged Man back in Kirkwall. Hawke wondered if it were simply coincidence that Varric chose such a place to send his messenger.

The bartender brought their drinks over to them and they toasted each other on a long leg of the journey complete. Anders raised his glass.

"I do believe we've taken a million steps. Resting like this is something we all need so much," Anders said. The group nodded, except for Grymm who grumbled something incoherently.

They made small talk for some time until Koehemar's face went white. He was looking at something directly behind Hawke. She nervously turned around and saw someone standing there. It was a man wearing a hooded cloak; the hood pulled down too far to see who it was. But the cloak itself was pulled apart to display a very wide, very _exposed_ chest below it.

She would know that chest anywhere.

_Varric!_


	5. Many Happy Returns

**A little suggestive, but who am I kidding…I can't write smut! Besides…I want to keep it rated T, so hopefully, my dear readers, you'll still enjoy it all the same. Thanks for stopping by to check this out. Let me know you did by giving me a review, yes? ;)**

**[insert standard disclaimer here]**

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><p><em>Many Happy Returns<em>

The shock at seeing Varric himself in front of her froze Hawke in her chair for longer than she would have liked to remain. Her mouth fell open a bit, and she struggled for words to respond to his presence.

"So, I come all this way, and you're just going to sit there with that look on your face Hawke?" he said, smirking. He removed the hood of his cloak.

"Varric," she said, "I was…not expecting you to be here."

He smiled at her. "Of course not. Which is exactly the reason I came. Now will you _please _get up and give me a hug, woman?"

"Oh, of course! Where are my manners?" she replied. She jumped to her feet and bent to give the dwarf a warm embrace. "I've missed you, my friend. How are you keeping?"

"No worse for wear, I dare say," he said. "Traveling has become a bit easier since your little…war ended. It _is_ over, isn't it?"

She nodded with a sad smile. Varric could only assume the sadness came from the loss of many of her brothers and sisters through the conflict. He had heard the tales of how many templars refused to put up a fight, but that was not the case for so many of the Circles they freed.

"It is good to see you, old friend," came the voice of Anders behind her. Varric looked past her to see the mage, haggard from their long journey, and the battles of four years. He approached the man and the two clasped their forearms together before Varric pulled him in for an immense hug.

"Anders," the dwarf began, "I can honestly say that I wasn't sure if I'd be happy to see you again after…everything back in Kirkwall. I once told you to make things right, and you let me know you intended to. And you kept your word. You've kept our lovely Hawke here safe and you're still at her side. So what more can I say? I'm proud of ya, kid!"

"Well, I'm hardly a kid, and I'd say she had a little more to do with keeping herself safe than I did, but thank you." Anders pulled out of Varric's bear hug and offered him a chair at the table. "Oh, and sorry about the chaos we left you in. I can't imagine that would have been an easy couple of years."

"On the contrary," Varric replied, sitting down with the group. "You'd be surprised at how much interest I've attracted. People are literally breaking down my door to hear your story. Or, maybe I should say _your_ door." He looked over at Hawke.

"What do you mean?" she questioned.

"I decided to move into your estate. Hope you don't mind," he replied nonchalantly.

A smile formed on her lips and she laughed. "Of course not, Varric. Never figured you for the noble type, mind you."

"Once things quieted down in the city, I took your friend Bodahn up on his offer," he replied. "When Carver sent him on his way with Sandal, he asked me to look after the place for the both of you. Now Carver has a place to stay when he visits with Merrill. As do you…should you ever return."

"Carver and Merrill," she said wistfully. "I do miss my brother so. We haven't seen him – or Merrill – since Sundermount. Has he returned often?"

"At least once a year since you left," Varric replied. "He told me of the note you had sent him letting him know you were safe after the first many months. I hadn't heard a word from you up to that point – only that there were mages rampaging across Thedas. So while I figured that you were probably at the head of the charge, since you _do_ tend to stir up shit like that, it was still nice to have confirmation that you were still among the land of the living."

"Yes, I suspect the stories were for the most part true. You seem to be the only one that is just that good at exaggerating our tales to epic proportions," she said, smiling at him.

"I do my best," he said, stretching out. "So, new friends?" He gestured to the others at the table.

"Yes," Anders replied. "These three decided that they wished to continue to learn from us by tagging along."

"Bad decision, that," Varric snorted. "Nice to meet you all. Varric Tethras, once great friend to the Champion of Kirkwall, and storyteller extraordinaire." He bowed slightly to them.

"_Still_ great friend to the _former_ Champion of Kirkwall," Hawke corrected. "And this is Lafatria…Koehemar…and Grymm." The two elves nodded, as Grymm remained motionless.

Varric glanced sideways at Hawke. "That one…uh…doesn't say much?" he muttered.

Hawke merely shook her head.

"Well then…good to meet you all," he said to the three. "You really have no idea what you're getting into with these two, but you're bound to become famous because of it."

Lafatria's face lit up as he looked at Koehemar excitedly.

"Let's hope not," Anders said. "We're notorious enough as it is."

Varric chuckled. "But enough with the pleasantries. We have some business to get out of the way before we drink and reminisce!"

"Ah, of course," Hawke replied as a serious expression overtook her face.

Varric place a folded cloth on the table and unwrapped it to present its contents. Several rings and pieces of jewelry, as well as other items that held significant memories for the woman and her family were displayed. She swallowed hard, knowing that soon she would have to part with the treasured items.

"So, here are the items you requested that I bring," he said.

"Thank you Varric," she said. "Unfortunately I cannot hold on to them if we are to be successful in making it to Ferelden again."

"Not necessarily," he replied. He reached into a pocket in his cloak and tossed a small brown sack towards her. She untied the tie and opened the sack up to reveal pieces of bronze, silver and gold within. She looked up, her mouth hanging open in surprise.

"What…is this?" she asked in shock.

"This, my good woman, is a collection of funds that I have been waiting to give to you," Varric said with a smile. "Not only have the collective of mages been paying me regular visits to ensure that your endeavours are well funded, but people have been giving me donations to tell them your story. This…all of this is yours."

For long moments, she was stunned into silence. She looked down into the bag, picking up the pieces and letting them trickle through her fingers. Eventually she looked over at Anders and the shock on her face was replaced by a smile that grew to cover three quarters of her face.

"We can do this, Anders," she said. "We can make it to Ferelden and open a clinic. We can start our lives again."

He smiled back at her and placed his hand over hers on the table. "How…how much is in there?"

She shook her head, not knowing just how much.

"At least one hundred and fifty sovereigns at last count," Varric said.

"A hundred and fifty!" Anders cried out. "That's…that's incredible!"

"You two have done an awful lot for the mages whose families donated the coin. Every single one of them thanked _me_ for being a friend to you both by telling your story. Can you imagine that? They thanked me," Varric said. "And now I can finally forward all of this to you for them."

Varric looked at Hawke – she appeared caught between shrieks of excitement and tears of joy, but somehow neither escaped from her.

"I don't know what to say," Hawke said.

"There's nothing to say…at least to me," he replied. "You can thank them by going out into the world and doing some more good. Go open your clinic."

Anders put his arms around her and hugged her happily. She still stared in shock at the sack on the table that would allow them to begin again. Grymm coughed loudly from across the table. The rest of the group, including Varric, looked in his direction, surprised at the noise that escaped their normally quiet companion. The large man raised his glass in the air.

"To new beginnings," he grumbled.

The others scrambled to grab their glasses to toast the surprising 'outburst' from Grymm. When they finished drinking to the sentiment, Hawke slammed her mug down on the table.

"Dammit Varric!"

"What? What did I do?" he asked.

"_I_ wanted to be the one to make that man talk first!" she exclaimed, pointing at Grymm.

The two elves began to giggle over the thought of the woman trying to come up with a way to get Grymm to say something…_any_thing. They knew him for a little more than a year, but Grymm rarely spoke. The fact that he had just made a toast was a bit of a novelty even for them.

The group sat and drank for hours, enjoying the company of old friends and new. Even Grymm's expression changed a few times. Varric was happy to see his former companions like this. He had feared visiting them – afraid of what he might find. He wasn't sure of how he'd find Anders…or Justice for that matter. The spirit had been relentless in those last days in Kirkwall. Hawke had confided in Varric – how she thought she was losing Anders to the spirit; how she feared the man she fell in love with was lost forever. But now it appeared that Anders had won the battle against him, at least temporarily. She seemed calmer, relaxed. Satisfied. Varric was happy at what he discovered, and as always, was more than ready to help her – them – with whatever they needed. He had wished he could travel with them to Ferelden, but there were people who counted on him back in Kirkwall. He didn't let on to Hawke and Anders yet, but he had become one of the primary elements of the mage resistance during the beginnings of their struggle. And now, he was a major contact for collective that still persisted – even after the fall of the Circles. The mages would still have challenges for years to come. And he would be there to help them – for his friend Hawke. Always for her.

* * *

><p>The night passed uneventfully. The mages found lodging at the same inn that Varric was staying at. Varric had also looked into several options for passage across the sea to the south towards Ferelden. None of them would begin for another day at the earliest. The dwarf decided to stay with the group to see them off on their journey.<p>

And the mages were happier for it.

Hawke and Anders spent their first night in Cumberland reveling over the amount of coin that had just fallen into their lap. Varric advised them that it wasn't the case though – the coin was well earned. They had paid for it with their blood and sweat, with the tears they had shed for their fellow mages, with their struggle of four years. It was _very_ well earned. Still, it was unexpected, and the surprise of its appearance made them feel like they hadn't earned it.

They lounged about in their room – a meager place to spend the night despite their ability to do so in much more lavish surroundings. But attention was not what they wanted to attract. They did splurge on more than one room however – one for the two elves, and a smaller room for Grymm who was pleased to finally spent the night alone.

Hawke and Anders too were very grateful for privacy. It had been days since they last had moments alone – and while there were always stolen glances, concealed touches under the table, it was so much more to have hours of time away from the others' eyes. They felt it too – they knew that the two lovers were aching to be alone.

When they finally were alone, they fought against their urges, holding back from each other for as long as they could. Not surprisingly, Anders was the first to break. Whenever Justice was not making his presence known, he was like that – wanting to take advantage of every moment he had alone with the woman he adored. He had been sitting on the end of the bed when she walked past him towards the window. Her hand floated through his personal space and he immediately reached for it, and her. With her progress halted, she turned to face him and he pulled her down into his arms, resting her lower body onto his lap. She curled her arms around his neck instinctively as he pulled her chin up to his face and kissed her softly.

"Finally," he said. "I have been dying to get you alone for weeks now."

She smiled up at him sweetly. "And whatever will we do with all this time on our hands? Alone…?"

"Well, you remember what I said about wanting to marry you," he began.

"Hmm," she replied, "that sounds vaguely familiar."

"I thought maybe we could get started on the other part of that request," he said. "The part about raising a child with you."

"So soon?" she said, raising an eyebrow.

"Practice makes perfect, no?" he suggested. She looked into his eyes. They sparkled and squinted the wider he smiled. How could she say no to his request? The answer was obvious – she couldn't. Smiling back at him, she pulled herself up to push him back on to the bed. She climbed overtop of him, his eyes widening at the prospects this position would bring. He stretched his arms above his head to rest them on the covers, and her hands moved along them to his wrists to hold them in place. He raised an eyebrow at her over this possessive motion; she responded by crouching low over him, moving in towards his neck to nip at it and his earlobe. A low moan escaped his mouth as he felt her teeth graze the skin along his jaw.

She unfastened the buckles on his coat – that hideous coat that he kept for so many years. The coat that she fell in love with simply because it belonged to him. Pulling the coat open revealed the tunic he wore underneath. She undid its clasps, pulling back that layer of clothing as well. She ran her fingertips from his waist up to his chest slowly – almost painfully slow, conjuring a bit of electrical current to them as they moved.

"Oh Maker, love," he sighed, his eyes rolling back. "You've never done that –"

She stopped his words by pressing her mouth to his. As she pulled back gently, she put a finger to his lips and shushed him.

She kissed his check. "Don't…" His neck. "…say…" His chest. "…a…" His stomach. "…word…" Her hands meandered to his belt buckle. She felt him shiver beneath her touch. It was delicious to know how much her simple touches were doing to him. When she had unfastened the buckle, she returned her attention back to his chest and shoulders. His bliss-filled moans turned to impatient pants. In a fluid motion, he grabbed her by the waist, pulling her up on to him, and rolled them both over so he was now above her. He pulled off her clothing so quickly that pieces of it were threatened by rips and tears.

"You just can't wait for anything," she teased.

He placed a finger over her lips hastily. "Now it's your turn to be quiet."

Her eyes widened as he peered into her soul through them. He had waited so long to be alone with her that he was not willing to postpone any further – and he knew she felt the same way, though she seemed to relish in her torturously slow teasing of him. He took a few moments to let his eyes linger on her body below him. He absorbed every inch of her; her pale skin, the light layer of freckles that rested on her chest, the birthmark that sat on her right hip, the blemishes and scars of battle – so many of which he had a hand in closing the wounds of. He worried a little when he noticed her ribs had begun to poke through – she was much thinner from a life on the run for so long. But that was all about to change with their trip to Ferelden. They could finally stay in one place, and he would take care of her; ensure that she could be healthy. He wasn't about to let the woman he loved waste away. He now understood all of her concerns when he wasn't taking care of himself back in Kirkwall. He had brushed them off once, but no longer.

"Come back to me, Anders," she said.

"Sorry love," he replied. "I was just…"

"Hush," she interrupted. "So long as you're back now…"

He smiled at her and returned to his worship of her body. His kisses covered her completely. Their bodies tangled together in a strange rhythm that played out for many hours. The two lovers shared pieces of themselves with the other that they had not shared in so long. They had not come together like this even in the short time since the fall of the last Circle. They were generous and carefully attentive. They listened to each other's sounds and bodies, knowing exactly how to respond to the other's needs.

When they were unable to go on any longer, they lay together, still entwined within each other's grasp. Neither knew if they had been able to produce a new life inside of her, but they had produced a new life _for_ themselves. A reawakening of the relationship that for so many years had been held together by the strands of rebellion and destruction. Their life together was revitalized in the simple acts that had taken place that night. Only now it was driven by pure love.


	6. Somewhere Beyond the Sea

**This story is becoming so saccharine, but I love it! Hope those of you reading are enjoying it too. I NEED some fluffy happiness and hope after all the angst and brooding. But just in case, I threw in a teeny bit of sad into this one to balance things out. Don't need everyone heading to the dentist over this for cavities.**

**Enjoy!**

**Wish I owned this stuff, but it's Bioware's. Boo urns.**

* * *

><p><em>Somewhere Beyond the Sea<em>

Parting ways with the dwarf was just as hard the second time as it was the first. It had been so many years since Hawke and her friends had been together, and Varric's presence had only made her remember that more. She missed her brother so much. Even though he was hardly there during their time in Kirkwall, he was still around more than she'd liked to have seen him while on the road. And Aveline and Donnic…she reminisced on the ridiculous way that she helped the romantically pathetic woman express her feelings for the man – only to be ousted when the two just met to speak in Aveline's office, each finally declaring openly their developing feelings for the other. She missed Merrill and her naivety. Through her conversations with Varric, it appeared that the relationship that sprouted years ago between the elf and her brother had fully blossomed. Merrill had even joined the Wardens with him…survived their secret initiation ritual. He let Hawke know that Carver had so many reservations about Merrill attempting it, but things hadn't gone so well for her with the new Dalish clan she joined in Ferelden. She desperately needed to belong somewhere – the Wardens desperately needed to rebuild their ranks. And she impressed the senior ranking Wardens enough that they decided to induct her.

Varric was tasteful enough to leave out any updates he may have had regarding the pirate bitch. He had once heard Hawke explode with anger over the mention of Isabela's name by her brother, and vowed to never make the same mistake he did. So he had kept it to himself that the woman had in fact returned to Kirkwall once or twice in the years that passed since the rest fled. And never did let on to Hawke how sorry Isabela had admitted she was for abandoning her that night when she needed her the most. The dwarf advised her to never seek the mage out…that she would never forgive her for the desertion. He suspected he was right anyhow…

And since he had no news on Sebastian – only that his scouts were criss-crossing the lands in search of the two mages he wanted revenge on so badly – he never mentioned the prince who had once been cast out of his own homelands either. His Chantry had fallen – there was nothing left for him but hatred. He would never give up. Would always hunt for them until the day he bled them dry for their deeds. And Hawke knew all of this already.

The pain that wounded her most was over the elf. _Oh Fenris_, she often thought, _why didn't you just leave? You were free…_

She never forgot the look on his face – his eyes bore directly into her, but his face was serene. He was at peace. She never once doubted that he had made the decision to die at her hand – and she just followed his unspoken direction. He had been imprisoned for so long. It was as if once he was freed from his master's chains, he gave himself no other option. He had completed his mission…set himself free. There was nothing left for him to do but die. And he felt the only person who could give him the peace he so desperately wanted stood across from him in the Gallows…the only mage who allowed him to understand that magic was not always a curse. She sometimes suspected that perhaps there was something behind those eyes of his…a longing she thought she recognized. For it was one she felt for Anders in those long years after the Deep Roads, before they finally confessed to each other their desire in his clinic so many years ago. Could one die from a broken heart? She thought it possible…if only a little bit…

As she looked out to the horizon and saw only more open water, more endless waves, she fought back her emotions – burying them deep inside of her mind. She promised herself she would shed no further tears for the friends…no…the family she had lost. They all played their parts in where she was at that very moment and they played them willingly. She would never forget them, and would honour their memories with the good she knew that she and Anders could accomplish.

When Varric waved to her from the shore after their boat had pushed away from the dock, she knew it would not be the last time she saw the dwarf. He knew of their plans and would plan a trip to see them in the south in the coming year. But until then, he made them a promise. He had some mages to find for some fractured families back in Nevarra City, and he was not about to break that vow.

The cool wind that blew in her face as she stood on the deck of the vessel brought with it thick ocean spray, punctuated with salt from the sea. The air smelled fresh and in a way, cleansing. The salt would draw out the poison of the life she once knew, leaving behind an uncontaminated shell, ready to start anew. If only this journey would prove to be what she hoped it would be…

She looked back at the deck and saw Anders sitting on a crate, leaning back on some of the boat's rigging. He had been feeling the effects of the waves crashing beneath the craft, tossing it about at their mercy. He was not sick…just unsteady. The sea took some getting used to. She had luckily adapted quickly enough, remembering how sick she was on her first trip across the Waking Sea. Unfortunately for her other companions, who had until only recently, never set foot outside of their respective Circles, let alone on to a boat, they were feeling very uneasy, and stayed within the bowels of the ship for much of the journey so far.

Hawke slowly made her way to where Anders was seated. His eyes were closed, but when he felt her slide on to a crate next to him, his arm wrapped around her protectively. She leaned into him and sighed.

"So…Varric huh?" he said.

"Yeah…pretty amazing, that one," she replied. "I still can't believe all the coin he managed to collect for us."

"He always held a soft spot for you," he said.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"He would do anything for you love," he continued. "If he didn't think himself your brother, then I'm not sure who did."

She smiled at him. "You're right. And to be honest, I'd do anything for him. These were some of the nicest days I've experienced since we left Kirkwall."

"Would the other night maybe have a little something to do with that?" he asked slyly.

"Oh, it just might," she said, reaching up to kiss his cheek.

He wrapped his free arm around her as well, and she leaned her head on to his chest.

"When we reach the coast of Ferelden, what will we do?" he asked. "After seeking out supplies of course."

"I want to find Carver," she stated bluntly. "And the best place to start is Vigil's Keep."

Anders shifted nervously next to her. "Do you think it's a good idea for me to…come along?"

"Hmm…" she pondered. "I suppose that would be up to you."

"It's just that…considering how I left things. The manner of my…departure was not something I'm proud of," he said.

"Your Commander back then…she would no longer be present, correct?" she asked.

"No…she moved on," he replied. "Not long after I did I believe. No one seemed to know where she went."

"And of the other Wardens you were stationed with there…how many would still remain?"

"To be honest, I'm not sure," he said. "I suspect Oghren wouldn't have much else to do other than drink or be a Warden. I can't imagine that doing both would be a problem for him. He's likely still at the Keep. Nathaniel as well – though given that we encountered him almost five years ago, I can't say for sure. I don't believe any of the others would still be with the Wardens."

"Carver did say that so few had remained in Ferelden – it was the reason he was given permission to go," she explained. "So…what do you think?"

"Promise to let me fade into the background?" he said, smiling sweetly at her.

"I _guess_ so," she said, exaggerating her sigh. He squeezed her shoulder and leaned back against the ropes and she leaned into him. If the weather held, she and her companions would be at the shores of Ferelden, ready to begin again.

* * *

><p>Half a month had passed since they first embarked upon the ship that carried them across the Waking Sea. Dry land was a welcome sight, particularly to Koehemar, who had been sick for the entire two weeks or so of the journey. They rested overnight in the coastal village of Jader to allow the elf to recover from his illness. A few hours of solid ground and some healing magic from Anders and the elf felt ready to travel again. They traveled southeast past Orzammar, stopping briefly to re-supply. They continued along the Imperial Highway towards Lake Calenhad and followed the border of the lake north.<p>

Anders became a little unstable as they traversed the road from which the Kinloch Hold was visible. He had spent so many years of his life escaping and being returned to the cursed Circle. Venturing a little too close to the structure brought memories flooding back of friends lost to the Harrowing…and those of his kin that would no longer fight back and just gave in.

Hawke stood near him when he broke down unexpectedly. He buried his face into her shoulder and wept, shaking as the moon shone down on them. When he collapsed to the ground, she kneeled in front of him, offering only her embrace and whispered words of comfort. He accepted both readily, and arched into her as an inconsolable child would do to his mother. She held his head against her shoulder and stroked his hair tenderly. When the conspicuous blue glow began to emanate from cracks in his skin again, she closed her eyes and tried to wish it away.

"You will never return there love," she whispered. "We made it so that no other mage will be subjected to what you went through ever again."

His sobs began to subside, but he dared not let her go.

"We will live free from here on out. The children we create will never know what it is like to live in a cage. They will be free. They will never be hunted. They will never be forced to live on the run."

His hands fumbled for her robes to hold on to as she cradled him in her arms.

"This is why we fought. We fought so that you and I could walk this moonlit road of the Imperial Highway…past the Kinloch Hold…without fear. So that you could become a father to my children…and a husband to me…without trepidation."

She squeezed him tightly.

"And we won love. We won. Come back to me Anders. You have so much more to live for. Do not give in to him."

And her soothing voice appeased the spirit enough to go back into the far reaches of the mage's mind.

He looked up at her – his sparkling eyes, filled with tears, were at least his own again. She wiped her thumb along his cheek, swabbing away the tears that had landed there.

"I'm…I'm sorry," he apologized with a stutter.

"Please don't apologize, my love," she replied. "There is no need."

He looked away, ashamed at his loss of control. But she pulled his face back to look at her.

"I mean it Anders. We have been running and fighting for over four years. You've barely had time to breathe, let alone come to grips with all that has transpired. I don't want you to apologize for this. These are restorative tears you cry. Let them out. I will be here to dry them."

"Oh Maker, I surely have done nothing to be worthy of you," he said sadly. At the sight of her face changing in protest, he continued. "But I will not argue with you about it. You are willing to give me your love, and I am not one to turn it down."

She smiled faintly at him. "You are a quick study."

He nodded. "I've learned that fighting you is always a losing battle when it comes to this subject."

She squeezed him once again.

"Thank you," he said quietly. "You brought me back once more. I fear one day it may not be so easy."

"Hush love," she replied. "Let us move on, and once we have settled, we will think on such things."

She was right. There was no sense in dwelling on the fact that the spirit was still present. They could not do anything about it when they were on the road with no real place to call home yet. But they were on the right path.

They continued past West Hill along the Imperial Highway, following the road as it ran north of the Bannorn. Ferelden was much quieter than she remembered. Perhaps so many had run from the Blight, and no one had yet returned. There were fewer bandits…fewer merchants…fewer farmers in their fields. It saddened her that the once bustling countryside was all but dead. But change was coming. She could feel it every time she looked at her companions. The elven mages would giggle with excitement each time they saw an unfamiliar flower, or a strangely shaped cloud in the sky. They were fascinated by the natural things they encountered, for they had never seen the world outside of their Circle – and when they did, there was so much destruction and pain for so many years. They were now experiencing life for the first time as it should be. She was excited for them to be able to settle down and start a new life.

After three weeks of traveling the roads of Ferelden, they reached the walls of the Vigil's Keep. They were met at the massive stone gates granting entry to the chosen few allowed within. The two Wardens on duty that afternoon were unfamiliar to Anders, and he felt secure in remaining with the group.

"Halt," the first Warden shouted. "What business do you have at the Keep?"

"I am looking for my brother," she began. "Carver Hawke, of the Grey of Ferelden."

The man nodded in return. "Wait here," he said and spoke quietly to the second Warden, who immediately turned and began walking towards the inner yards of the Keep.

A short time later, the man returned, followed by another. His raven-haired locks displayed more than just flecks of silver now, and his face was much more hardened than when she last saw him, but it was him.

"Carver!" she cried in delight at the sight of him.

"Sister!" he shouted. "Open the gates!"

The gates responded by slowly creaking as they pulled upwards. As soon as there was clearance, she ran top speed at her brother and into his arms.

"Oh Carver! I have missed you so much!" she exclaimed.

"You made it…I can't believe you made it," he said, looking down at her. He pulled back from her embrace, held her at arm's length to look at her, and then immediately pulled her back towards him. "I can't believe you're here…you're safe."

The siblings stood in each other's arms for long minutes. The reunion four years in the making was all that she hoped it would be, and nothing at all like she expected.

"Welcome home," Carver said to her.

And she knew it to be true…she was finally home.


	7. Of Reunions and Debts Forgiven

_Of Reunions and Debts Forgiven_

A cooling breeze blew through Vigil's Keep, rustling the conifers that dotted the land within its walls. The Keep was quiet – most of the Grey that resided there were off completing routine patrols of the surrounding area or on far more guarded missions than a member of the Order would admit to. Hawke thought it for the best – besides, her brother was there. That was what mattered most.

She wasn't aware of just how many hours had passed as she and Carver sat together in quiet conversation. The others had likely spent most of the afternoon wandering the halls of the Keep as guests, while Anders hid away in the temporary residence they had been given. They exchanged stories of the past four years; of rebuilding the Order of the Grey; of revolution and war; of victory in both cases. They spoke of love and of loss. And finally, she began to outline her plans for the future. Carver had shaken his head with a smile on his face then, remarking on how she never changed.

"Ever the helper," he commented. "I'm proud to be your brother." She smiled back at him. After a rivalrous childhood with him for so long, she had forgotten just how much he had matured in those years following conscription by the Wardens. He was not a different man, but had evolved into a better version of who he had been. She never once hated him when they fought – only thought that he had been holding back on the man he could be. This was one instance where she happily would admit to him 'I told you so'.

The Hawke siblings likely would have continued their discussion long into the evening had it not been for the growing shadows stretching longer across the floor tiles of Carver's room. As he noticed them, he jumped to his feet and looked out the window to the grounds below. He had an unhindered view of the gates from this vantage and suddenly became visibly concerned.

"Something the matter, brother?" she asked.

He turned from the window towards her briefly, but his eyes returned to the gate before he spoke again. "We have several patrols out today. They should be returning by now."

"Merrill would be among them," she said knowingly.

He nodded. "I was concerned when she expressed interest in joining us. It's never a certainty that a person will survive the…initiation. But when she did…"

She rose to her feet and walked up to him, trying to obtain a view of the gate through the narrow window. She placed her hand softly on his back. "And now you worry about her every time she is sent off on another task."

He turned to her and nodded. "When we were children, I never thought that I'd ever find someone to share my life with. Mother and Father…they always expressed themselves so openly around us. It was clear how deeply they cared about each other. I remember how much I wanted to be able to experience what they had."

She smiled to herself as she squeezed her brother's shoulder. "Sounds to me like you finally are," she said contentedly. "Would you like to go outside to wait for her? I will go with you."

"I would like that," he said, turning to her and reaching for her hand. She accepted it and they exited the room, heading through the corridors until they were outside. When they eventually arrived near the gate, he broke the silence that they had formed.

"And what of Anders?" he asked. "How…?"

She knew he was asking of his stability…his mental state. She paused for a few moments to formulate a fair response.

"He is…changed," she began. "There are times when I do not recognize him, but that is not a bad thing. He feels freer, less constrictive. I believe he shows glimmers of the man he once was…before he allowed the spirit into him." 

"And the spirit?"

She sighed softly. "I…I thought that it had left. That it was sated enough at the end of our revolution," she said. "I suppose that was too much to hope for."

"It remains, then," he said bluntly.

"Yes," she replied. "Not long ago, it showed itself again. It is still within him. It does not nearly appear as often as it once did, but then, there haven't been many reasons for it to do so." She lowered her head and breathed deeply.

Carver looked at her sadly. He had truly hoped that they had been able to find a solution for the mage. She loved him and would never leave his side – even to her own detriment. He had often feared that the spirit would end up hurting her. He knew that she had been hurt emotionally by its existence, but could it injure her physically as well? He could not answer. The mage did seem to care for her greatly as well, and hoped that was enough to keep the vengeful spirit inside of him where she was concerned.

In an attempt to brighten her mood, he offered her a suggestion. "Perhaps that is the solution then," he began. "Do not give the spirit any reason to return. Shield it from the injustice in the world, and it will remain content."

"Easier said than done," she replied. "But it is a worthwhile thought. I appreciate it, Carver."

Carver straightened up and his eyes returned to the lands beyond the gate. His gaze remained fixated on the distance, waiting for a sign of Merrill's return to the Keep. His sister stood next to him, also keeping watch. She would stand by his side for only a short time however, as the young elven woman returned before long, striding confidently next to the Wardens she was tasked to journey with. As the small party made their way through the gate, Carver approached as his sister waited where they had been standing. The two Wardens she arrived with saluted briefly in his direction and continued on. One of them cast a slightly suspicious gaze in Hawke's direction, easing as she nodded at him. She glanced over towards Merrill as she approached Carver and the elf nodded sweetly at him. It appeared as though the two were keeping their relationship low-key among their fellow Wardens with their very businesslike approach. But her eyes sparkled; her face displayed the radiance of a woman in love. For one who knew what to look for, it was difficult not to see that they were enamored with each other. He motioned in the direction where she was standing, and Merrill peeked around him with wide eyes. The second she laid eyes upon the woman, she broke into a run towards her.

"Hawke!" she cried, arms open to clasp the woman who had been absent from her life for far too long. She returned the embrace and they held each other closely. When they eventually pulled away from each other, the elf was forced to wipe away several small tears that had formed.

"Merrill…I've missed you so," she replied, smiling. "Look at you! A Grey Warden!"

Merrill beamed at the proud inflection in the comment. "When did you arrive?" she asked quickly. "Are there others with you? Oooh, where's Anders? Is he here? Will you be staying long?"

Before the elf could continue with her foray into further questions, Carver placed a gentle finger on her lips. "All in good time, my dear," he said.

She jumped a little on her feet and squeezed the woman in front of her once again. "I'm so glad to see you're okay. And…" she began.

"And Anders is just fine," Hawke whispered into her ear. "He's here at the Keep with me. You'll see him soon." Merrill pulled away and looked into her eyes. Her smile widened and hugged her again.

The three returned to the Keep, discussing plans for the evening. Dinner had already been served for many of the residents, but an additional meal was always served when patrols were late in returning. They decided to meet with each other for dinner, and parted ways. She watched as Carver and Merrill walked towards the elf's quarters. She saw his hand flit at her lower back, dancing around her hip and bottom teasingly. She smiled to herself, thinking about what her brother had said about their parents. They _did_ have a wonderful relationship. She wondered if what she had with Anders could compare to it – and decided that it did.

Hawke thought of both of her parents, wondering what they'd have thought of their two children in the unusual relationships they found themselves wrapped up in. She suspected her mother may have found Merrill to be a bit odd; the choice of her to perhaps be a display of rebellion on behalf of Carver. But she would have accepted that choice, just as she would have accepted Anders. She had once spoken to her daughter about the dangers of two apostates together – but she'd never have been able to predict just how dangerous the life between them had become. Things were about to change for the better, she hoped.

And her father…how she missed him. He was always supportive. She didn't expect that would have changed much – though he was also very protective of his two girls. She smiled when she thought of how Anders would have received about a million questions over his credentials had her father been alive to meet him. She could picture clearly how flushed he'd have become – the blush creeping up his neck towards his cheeks as her father would have mercilessly bombarded him with inquiry after inquiry. She had only had one suitor before her father was taken from her, and that was the treatment he received the first time he arrived at their home to escort her to a village celebration. She was truly embarrassed by her father – but looking back, it made her appreciate his overprotective nature. He was just doing what he had to in order to keep them all safe.

She thought of Bethany then – wondering what she'd have said about Merrill and Anders. She believed that she and Merrill would have likely become good friends. And potentially she'd have been the one who Anders fell in love with instead. If only she'd have been given that chance. She sadly admitted that she would have given up his love to have her younger sister back in a heartbeat.

Realizing that she had been standing in the middle of the corridor for much longer than she intended, she spun around quickly and collided with two Wardens walking in the direction her brother had walked moments earlier. She apologized quickly and attempted to circumvent them.

"Hawke?" one of them asked. She looked up and saw the tall handsome man that had recognized her. "It _is_ you. Your brother sent word of your arrival to me earlier."

She looked at him carefully, barely recognizing him from years earlier. "Nathaniel?"

He nodded. "It is good to see that you are safely returned to your brother. He has fretted about you non-stop for the past four years of your rebellion. We are all glad for the end of it. A necessary eventuality I suppose."

"I appreciate your sentiments," she replied. She glanced at the other Warden; a stocky dwarf with heavy armour, a large battle axe strapped to his back. He shifted impatiently until noticing that she looked in his direction.

"Oye!" he said.

Her forehead crinkled a bit, indicating her uncertainty with how to respond.

"This is…Oghren," Nathaniel quickly interjected. "I'm sure that Carver has mentioned him."

"Ah yes," she replied. "He did. You may call me Hawke…everyone else seems to."

"Right," the dwarf replied. He elbowed Nathaniel in the ribs. "Can sure tell where the looks went to in that family, eh Commander?"

Hawke raised her eyebrows at the comment. "Commander?"

Nathaniel nodded. "I was promoted by Warden Commander Surana prior to her departure."

"I told that bloody elf she was makin' a mistake with it," Oghren grunted. "I'm a born leader, I said. But noooo…had to go make this nug humper Commander instead."

The man shook his head and chuckled slightly. "Yes, and now I am stuck with listening to your complaining and belching. Perhaps I should have turned down the job."

"I didn't know that you were stationed in Ferelden when we encountered each other in the Deep Roads outside of Kirkwall," she said.

"Yes," he explained. "I was sent by Commander Surana to investigate the rumours of the ancient ruins your group discovered. We met with Stroud in the Free Marches, and he sent your brother and several other Marcher Wardens with us. Considering his experience in the ancient thaig, he thought it invaluable. It also allowed me to get to know your brother a bit. And when he requested to transfer to Ferelden, there was no question I approved."

She smiled at him. "I'm glad that you allowed him to come here."

"Of course," he replied. "I trust you and your companions will be comfortable during your time here. I'm told that Anders has returned to the Keep as well."

"Anders?" Oghren exclaimed. "That's one nug humper too many for me. Where is that skirt wearing freak?"

Hawke's eyes widened a little. Seeing her reaction, Nathaniel intervened again.

"Oghren and Anders go way back. He's just upset because he misses his friend."

"Friend? That bastard walked out on us without saying goodbye," the dwarf grunted.

"We hold no grudges against your mage friend," the man said. "He can never truly leave the Order. He will always be plagued by what plagues us. And last I recall, he was knee deep in darkspawn with you, so perhaps he still pursues his duties after all. There are others that may not see things that way, but the Wardens in this Keep have been able to rebuild their numbers. Actually, Wardens leaving the Order have allowed us to increase our ability to recruit. Makes us seem more…accommodating."

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"King Alistair for example. The former Warden Commander as well," he replied. "Both have been allowed to leave their official duties as Wardens. Through no real choice of our own, it would appear, but externally, it paints us as less of a prison sentence. We accept it, and more potential recruits arrive at our gates regularly because of it."

"I see," she said. "And I suspect that, Maker forbid, should another blight arrive soon, that those Wardens would be sought out to fight."

"Of course," Nathaniel said matter-of-factly. "We are simply not as harsh when there is no blight."

"I don't care," Oghren interrupted. "Where is Sparklefingers now? I got a boot for his ass!"

"Sparklefingers?" she asked, eyeing the dwarf.

"With all the magic he does…all that faerie dust comin' from his hands," he replied.

She furrowed her brow and pressed a hand to her forehead. "Right," she said. "I'd say it's time for me to let you two continue on to…wherever it was you were going."

Nathaniel nodded politely, grabbing Oghren by the arm and dragging him down the corridor. "It was very nice to see you again," he called behind him.

She chuckled to herself, and thought she heard the dwarf say something about her "arse", but then, he could have been moaning about Anders as well. She decided it was better not to think about it and continued on her way.

When she arrived at the temporary quarters she was sharing with Anders at the Keep, the door was closed. She knocked quietly and did not hear a response, and so carefully opened the door. As she peeked in, she saw him sitting on the bed, propped up against the wall. His head was buried in a book; he muttered something to himself before realizing that she had returned. When he saw her, he threw the book to the side and jumped off of the bed to his feet.

"I would say that I wondered where you were," he began, "but I am actually surprised that you aren't still chatting with your brother."

She smiled at him and closed the door behind her. "We had a very nice conversation. But he became distracted near the end. Merrill was a little late in her arrival at the Keep."

"Ahh," he said. "Young love and all its worries." He approached her and kissed her on the cheek. "Did you get to see Merrill then?"

She nodded and flopped down on the bed. He knelt in front of her and began to unlace one of her boots. "She has not changed a bit. Still with the questions! Thank the Maker my brother stepped in and stopped her."

He looked up at her and smiled. "Yes…I seem to remember several lines of questioning that I went through with her. She is sometimes too inquisitive for her own good."

"She's still as sweet as ever though," she said. He pulled the boot away from her ankle and off of her foot, and then moved on to the other. "It's strange. I never thought I'd see her as a Grey Warden."

"I never thought I'd see myself as a Grey Warden," he quickly replied. "But yet, here I am. Stuck in yet another organization I don't want to be a part of."

"Funny you should say that," she said. He looked up at her as he pulled off the second boot and began rubbing the sole of her foot. "I ran into Nathaniel. And Oghren."

"Oh?" he said. "And what wisdom did they impart upon you?"

"Well, it would seem that disappearing Wardens isn't a rarity among this…branch," she began. "The King…the Warden Commander…yourself…and they don't seem to mind really."

"What?" he said, shocked at her words. "I hardly believe that."

"It seems that it's helped the image of the Wardens here in Ferelden. It's not seen as so much of a death sentence," she continued. "So more are willing to try to join the Order."

"Hmm," he pondered as he began to rub her other foot. "I can see how that might be a benefit."

"Nathaniel says that it doesn't harm them either…unless of course there's another blight."

"Of course," he concurred. "That's when all Wardens are needed…obviously. So I guess I'm safe then?" 

"Perhaps," she replied. "Or at least saf_er_. Oh, and you were right about Oghren. I can't figure him out. But he's definitely insane. He's quite obsessed with insulting you."

"Let me guess…Sparklefingers?" he asked.

"That's the one," she replied, laughing. "Something about wearing a skirt too."

"Ah," he said. "Well, he'll be disappointed to discover that I no longer wear robes."

"I have to say," she said, "I'm a little disappointed about that as well. The clasps and buckles on your coat are impossible sometimes!"

He smiled at her and crawled up towards where she sat on the bed. He positioned himself so his mouth hovered next to her ear. "You want easier access to me, do you?" he whispered teasingly.

Her hands snaked behind his back and into his hair, as his lips found hers. Her back lowered slowly towards the bed as he began to undo the clasps on her coat. She pulled away from his kiss with a disappointed pout on her face.

"But we are unfortunately expected in the dinner hall shortly," she said, sulking.

"Then we shall have to make this quick," he said with a smirk. She saw the devilish shimmer in his eyes as she closed hers and succumbed to his advances once again. Dinner would have to wait – the two mages were hungry for something other than food for the time being.


	8. Convenants Promises & Broken Vows Mended

**I don't think I've ever been giddier over writing a chapter in my life. This one just flowed for me and I had so much fun with it. I certainly hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed creating it. Let me know what you think… **

**Dragon Age universe is to Bioware/EA as I apparently am to sappy romantic characterizations…**

* * *

><p><em>Covenants, Promises and Broken Vows Mended<em>

Golden fields of wheat stretching as far as the eye could see swayed under the influence of a gentle, yet sustained wind. The sun shone brightly casting solid shadows of several small stands of trees. A single farmhouse stood in the distance – warm and inviting; a wispy pillar of smoke dancing in the breeze from its chimney. Hawke slowly walked through the fields, her fingers gracing the tips of the stalks. As she neared the home, the door opened and Anders exited, carrying a small basket – of what, she did not know. She smiled – everything was as it should be. She came upon a small grouping of white flowers among the wheat and bent over to pluck them from the ground. She brought the small bouquet towards her nose, sniffing in the pleasant aroma of the tiny bell-shaped flowers.

Her eyes lifted towards the horizon again and she saw Anders now standing under a fruiting tree, bending over to gather the small apples that had fallen to the ground around it. She approached him leisurely, absorbing the beauty of the day – allowing it to revitalize her soul. He caught her approach out of the corner of his eye, and stood to greet her. The smile on his face was small…the eyes, not his own.

Hawke frowned. "Justice…"

He nodded.

"Of course I'm in the Fade…this is too perfect," she said quietly.

"I had hoped to have met with you long ago," the spirit said. "There are things to discuss."

"Things?" she questioned, her eyes narrowing. "Such as the fact that you still haunt the body of my love in your search for vengeance?" She felt a warm sensation creeping up her neck to her face, flushing her skin in anger. As her hands began to shake slightly, she looked down, squeezing her eyes closed. She gritted her teeth, trying to bite back the emotion, until she felt a hand rest softly upon her shoulder. When she opened her eyes, she discovered Justice had moved to stand in front of her and was attempting to comfort her in his own way.

"I…do not know how to explain to you what needs to be said," he hesitated. "My treatment of you…my _view_ of you has been unfair."

She looked into his eyes; the subtle blue glow that used to frighten her now soothing in a way. She did not speak, allowing him to continue.

"It has been a surprise – the way you have unwaveringly offered your support to the mage has been a surprise," he said, removing his hand slowly from her shoulder. "There were conflicting events in the city of chains that did not allow me to see your true intentions. I apologize to you for neglecting to offer you the courtesy of a chance."

A little shocked at the spirit's revelation, she looked at him tentatively. His eyes did not waver from hers. It was as if he attempted to read her emotions without fully understanding what any of them would mean.

"I…appreciate that," she replied quietly.

"The unfortunate truth remains," he continued. "The mage and I are linked. I cannot desert this body – there is no way for him to expel me without causing tremendous damage to the existence of us both. I am…sorry."

Her eyes lowered, head falling forward. "I know," she said sadly. "But I've always known this was how it would be. I guess I just thought we'd have never made it to this point…that our lives would have been taken so many years ago, making this concern something that was always just a far off consideration. Nothing we'd ever have to deal with."

"The mage knows as well," he replied. "Yet I can still feel him fighting my presence with increasing dedication. This man's commitment to you and what you represent is clearly overwhelming even my connection with him."

With that remark, hope flashed in her eyes. "What are you trying to say? Are you giving up?"

"No," he replied quickly. "I will not give up on my calling. That would be akin to dying. But you have been the impulsion behind the correction of the grave injustice that the mages of this world have suffered. I wish to grant you a boon in exchange for this."

"Oh?" She was skeptical that the spirit could truly offer her anything to help ease the pain that he was party to creating.

"An agreement of sorts," he began. "When I am faced with injustice, I must respond. I cannot stand by and do…nothing. Apathy is a weakness. When the mage's fear or anger flares up, I will be there. You must agree to work with him…assist him in controlling that fear and anger. Remain righteous and I will remain in the background. Surely there are places in this world where people are just and honourable. Find such a place. Live out your lives there. I have no intention of forcing the mage into a cause he does not choose."

"And you will just sit back? You will not interfere?" she questioned.

"The mage is a Grey Warden. His lifespan is finite. I can wait. What is time for a being that is everlasting?" He looked at her unflinchingly as his words cut her. Her expression drooped in response to recognition of the harsh reality – Anders was a third of the way into his life as a Grey Warden. The thought saddened her, but she regained her composure.

"I…will accept your offer, spirit," she replied. "But you must fulfill a promise for me as well."

"What promise?" he asked.

"When the body of my love is cold, you must leave him. You will not use him to remain in this mortal realm. And you will never join with another mortal being again." Her tone was solid, unwavering. She looked directly into his eyes and waited for his response.

"Agreed," he responded. For a brief moment, she thought she saw relief wash over the face of the man who was Anders…but yet, was not. Then, through a habit he obtained from his time with the mage, he thrust his hand forth to seal his agreement with a handshake. She obliged, slightly amused by the gesture. "I thank you for everything you have done for Anders. And for everything you have done for me." He reached for her hand, leaning forward to place his lips softly on the top of it. As he looked up at her, she closed her eyes slowly and held them closed for several moments.

When she awoke, she took stock of her surroundings. She was propped up against a tree in a secluded portion of one of the yards of Vigil's Keep. Lying next to her, with his head resting gently on her lap, was Anders. She looked down upon him…watching his chest rise and fall softly. She ran her fingers through his hair; now starting to grow long again…losing its darkened colour. His face was peaceful…relieved. She wondered if perhaps her meeting with the spirit in the Fade provided some respite to the mage as well; though she admitted to herself that he had been much more at ease in the recent days since leaving the northern countries.

She leaned her head back against the tree and closed her eyes, sighing over the developments that occurred in the Fade. As Anders began to stir, she looked back down at him to see his eyelids begin to flutter. She continued to stroke his hair gently, and when he realized where he was, he smiled up at her blissfully. The two remained there in silence – not needing to say anything. Just being still…together.

Eventually he reached up to take hold of her hand, pulling it towards his face so he could kiss the inside of her palm. She smiled down at him as he pulled himself up to sit beside her. She wasn't sure how to broach what transpired between herself and the spirit in the Fade, and shifted nervously as she stretched her legs out in front of her. He placed a hand on her knee and leaned close to her.

"You don't have to say anything, love," he whispered into her ear. "I know what you dreamed."

She pulled away to look at him. "You do? Hmm…news travels fast it would seem."

He smiled. "We are linked quite closely…he and I. As soon as I awoke, he allowed me to see what happened between you." His brow furrowed a little before he continued. "Have you met him in the Fade before?"

"Wouldn't you know if we did?" she asked.

"No," he replied. "Justice only allowed me to see it…he placed the images in my mind. They absorb almost instantaneously, and then feel as though they are a memory. If he did not wish for me to know what went on, he would not have done so."

"I see. Well, that certainly must be an odd sensation. Having a memory that isn't really your own," she pointed out.

"A little," he said. "But he doesn't do it so much anymore. When we first joined…he often showed me what he experienced in the first body he inhabited. It was…strange."

"I would imagine so," she replied. "But no…we have never encountered each other before in the Fade. It was a shock actually. Even more so when he proposed his deal."

"Mmm," he agreed. "So you _were_ on to something with your repeated murmurings of 'there is no injustice in the world' then, weren't you love?"

She giggled a little, remembering her forced mantra. "I suppose I was. And how do you feel about it?"

"If I can have twenty more years at your side, I'll do anything to attain it," he said longingly.

"Then we will need to choose where we will settle wisely," she said. "The more at peace you are, the better our chances will be that it will be just you." She smiled at him as he cupped her cheek with his hand, letting his fingers linger on her skin.

"Ahem!" grunted a voice nearby. They turned to face the noise to see their favourite grunting dwarf, Oghren. "If you two sickly lovebirds are almost finished here, Commander's got some properties for you to inspect."

They had been at Vigil's Keep for a mere four days, and in that time, the Wardens had been assisting them in their search for a place to settle and establish their new clinic. More specifically, Nathaniel had been doing so. He was impressed with their plans and was willing to go out of his way to assist. Despite the way Anders left the Wardens, Nathaniel had grown fond of the mage when they served together, and had considered him a friend. Even with the business in Kirkwall, the man had always meant well and he thought that Anders would perhaps serve Ferelden better as a healer than as a hunter of darkspawn.

Anders got to his feet and assisted Hawke to hers. She gathered up the wool blanket that they rested on and they began to follow the dwarf back to where Nathaniel waited.

"Look fancy boy," Oghren started, causing Anders to roll his eyes. "I still haven't forgiven you for running off like you did. But you sure caused a ruckus all over Thedas. Ain't too many people can say they did that and live to tell the story."

"Uh…thank you Oghren," the mage replied. "I think…?"

"So yeah," he continued. "Just wanted to get that out of the way. And now I'm going to start making lewd comments to your woman here, so just plug those ears of yours."

Hawke laughed loudly as Anders groaned over the dwarf's comment. He knew that she had probably heard something like it all before – after all, they had traveled with Isabela before the pirate abandoned them – but things were different. This was going to be the woman he spent the rest of his life with, and she deserved respect. Not drunken comments from some drunken dwarf.

"Please Oghren," he begged. "We really don't want to hear them."

"Oh, you're no fun anymore sparklefingers. No skirt. No drinking. No racy comebacks. Bit of a pussy you've turned into," the dwarf rebutted.

"I don't want to hear anything about a pussy from a Warden," Anders growled, thinking about the poor cat they'd made him give away. She saw his discomfort and grabbed his hand, squeezing it tightly. A quick smile from her, and his unhappy thoughts melted away.

Oghren snorted over the 'pussy' comment, wanting so desperately to seize the golden opportunities it represented, but decided to leave it alone in the end. There'd be plenty of time to still get on Anders' nerves before he left the Keep. And anyways, they had arrived at Nathaniel's study.

"Oye, Commander!" he called out. Nathaniel looked up from the maps he was poring over at his desk and smiled, motioning for them to come in.

"Ah, good. I'm glad you came so quickly. I was able to ascertain that there are several land titles in the Bannorn where ownership has lapsed. With the right coin to the right people, you can easily take one of these on as your own. And I can help you with the process…to keep things off the books where you're concerned."

The two mages looked at each other with hope. "Alright…let's see what you've got," Anders said.

Nathaniel pointed out several properties to the pair. They considered the needs of their plan – a wide open space to grow crops or raise animals; a home for them and those who would come with them; another building for the clinic itself – or at least space to build it; room to raise a family. Most, if not all, of the properties that the Warden Commander had brought to their attention were suitable, yet one in particular stood out after an hour of reviewing them. It had the space…a location that was far enough off the beaten path, yet not entirely unreachable, and they had the coin to purchase it. The only problem that existed was the lack of buildings. There weren't any – save for a small shed-like outbuilding that might shelter a small mabari hound.

"We are coming into the warm season," she suggested. "It wouldn't be that big of a problem to begin construction on a dwelling now. We have Lafatria and Koehemar…and Grymm of course."

"And I have pledged to help you as well," Nathaniel interrupted. "I will send Carver with you temporarily if you need. There are also a number of dwarven masons in the employ of the Wardens. We hire them for occasional repairs, but the Keep is in good shape at the moment. They would likely appreciate the work."

"But the materials," Anders said, "where could we source materials?"

"We have plenty of excess stone and mortar here," Nathaniel said. "And I'm sure the dwarves could assist with that as well."

She looked at Anders; her face questioning the decision. He shrugged at her and smiled. "Why not?" he said, amused at the prospects that this endeavour was going to present.

"Excellent," Nathaniel said, clasping his hands together. He turned to Oghren. "Summon the Seneschal…and a messenger."

"What am I? Your errand boy?" the dwarf grunted back. The man shot him a look back, and he promptly spun on his heels and headed out the door as ordered.

For several hours following, Hawke, Anders, Nathaniel and the others that had gathered began to set the plan in motion. A messenger was already on his way to Denerim to initiate the purchase of the land, and the dwarven builders had been summoned to the Keep. With the wheels in motion and the gears turning, Hawke could not help but feel giddy like a young girl again. The possibilities presented this day were endless and Anders could sense the bubbling enthusiasm welling up in his companion. If only he could get Nathaniel off to the side, he could ask him for one last favour.

The dwarves arrived shortly after, and Hawke excitedly exclaimed that she wished to discuss with them plans for a homestead for the property. They were barely within the walls of the Keep when she descended upon them with hundreds of questions. Anders nudged her, noting to her that she was beginning to remind him of a certain Dalish woman, and she began to blush at the thought. Still, he saw it as an opportunity to speak to Nathaniel alone, and ushered her off to a large meeting room in the Keep with the dwarves. He saw the looks in their eyes – they were frightened of this wild woman and all of her architectural ideas, and so reluctantly followed behind her as she outlined inspired designs of grandeur. He returned to the study where the Commander remained, tidying up the property maps he had assembled that were now strewn about the room.

"Nathaniel…er, Commander," he said quietly from the doorway.

"Come in, Anders," he replied. "And truly, there's no need for the formality."

"If it's all the same, you are still the Commander of the Grey in Ferelden," Anders began. "And I am still a Grey in Ferelden. Much as I'd rather not be."

Nathaniel smiled at him and nodded. "Of course. Is there something else I can help you with?"

Anders cringed when he said the word 'else' – he knew he was overstepping his bounds by putting forth yet another request to the man in front of him. But Nathaniel was a gracious man. He and Anders had fought side by side for a short period in their lives, but it was enough to bind them together in some small way that neither of them could truly understand.

"Uh, yes…I, uh…I hate to bother you for even more," the mage stammered.

"Don't think on it, my friend," he replied. "What is it you need? If it is in my power, I will see what I can do for you."

"Well, this is a bit of a personal favour," Anders began. "On our travels through Nevarra, I came to a decision regarding Hawke. She deserves to live in a normal family – as close to normal as I can give her, I mean. The property…building a homestead…that's all part of it. But…"

Nathaniel smiled knowingly. "But it's not enough," he said. "You want to make an honest woman out of her then."

"Hey," he said defensively, "she _is _an honest woman!"

"It's a turn of phrase, Anders."

"I know that."

"But I'm right, aren't I?" Nathaniel prompted.

Anders nodded. "I love her with every fiber of my being Nate. I can't live without her."

"You don't need to be married for that," he said. "More often than not, marriages are of convenience and benefit, not love."

"It doesn't matter," the mage said, walking towards the window and looking out across the grounds. "She deserves no less than a real family."

Nathaniel approached him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "What do you need to make it happen?"

Anders turned towards him. "Someone to perform a joining ceremony, I guess. I never really thought about it before. In the Circle, it wasn't as if marriage was on anyone's mind…what, with all the free sex going around. And in Kirkwall…well, I wasn't exactly on everyone's invite list for fancy parties."

The Commander chuckled quietly. "I will put the word out to see if I can't find someone to help you."

Anders hesitated for a moment before responding. "Nate…I don't understand. Why have you been so…forgiving of me? I've misused your trust…abandoned you…_caused a war_…and yet you're still willing to go out of your way to help me," he mused.

"We all make mistakes Anders," he said. "Some of us aren't given second chances to fix them. I know what you were…what you turned into…and I see what you are now. Hawke is a good woman – Maker knows Merrill hasn't stopped talking about that fact since you two arrived. And if she stands by your side and trusts you, having been through what is arguably your most difficult period, then you're obviously someone worthy of help. You're both beginning a daunting undertaking. Any help that you need…say the word. I _want_ to help."

The mage – obviously speechless at the man's sentiments – could do nothing proper other than embrace the man warmly. His Commander…his friend…his brother…

And as night fell over Vigil's Keep, and a gathering was held in the main hall for the Wardens and their guests, Nathaniel couldn't help but smile as he watched the two mages together. Anders was a changed man because of the woman at his side. He hadn't known the horribly twisted version of him when justice changed to vengeance – and Maker, he didn't want to. But he knew the man before then – the man who was flippant about love, and careless with sex. Who only had eyes for one woman, until another walked into the room. And now, here he was, asking for help to carry out a wedding ceremony. _His_ wedding ceremony. _How time changes a man_, Nathaniel thought to himself. He leaned back in his chair, across the roaring fire in the middle of the hall from Anders and his love. They sat closely together, smiling and laughing with the other Wardens present, including Carver and Merrill – listening to Oghren's tall tales of drinking games past. As if the mage sensed eyes upon him, Anders turned and saw Nathaniel watching them. He smiled and nodded at the man, and the Commander returned the gesture. He thought wistfully of his commitment to the Wardens; duty was his mistress – he had exchanged his vows with her the night he undertook the joining ritual. And while Anders had done the same, there were pledges that some men just weren't made to keep. Anders was just such a man, for he was meant for another vow – he was meant for Hawke.


	9. Adventurous by Necessity

_Adventurous by Necessity_

"This must be the place!" Hawke exclaimed. She had practically run the distance from Vigil's Keep to the Bannorn. She had laid out plans for the homestead and clinic to be built with the dwarves that Nathaniel had brought in to assist her and Anders with their efforts. This had her extra excited and completely full of energy to burn. That, coupled with the full week's reprieve from running at the Keep, and it was no wonder the woman had all but flown to the property that she and Anders were now – unofficially – the proud owners of.

Through the days since the messenger returned from Denerim with news of the successful transaction, she had done nothing but fantasize over the property. She had seen the sketch of the property lot…knew every tree drawn on it…pictured what it would look like as they approached it. But when they arrived at the land…when she saw it for the first time, it was better than she could have ever imagined. She stood at the dirt path that led to the front of the lot. A row of unkempt hedges lined the lot; several small stands of trees, also growing out of control. She could see the small shed further back on the property, falling apart with a broken window at the front.

Anders walked up to her and slid an arm around her shoulder. She responded by wrapping both her arms around him and resting her head on his shoulder, not once removing her eyes from the sight in front of her.

"This is ours," she said dreamily. "All of this is ours."

"Would you ever have imagined this?" he replied. "Two apostates as landowners?"

She looked towards him and smiled widely. "With the help of a certain Grey Warden, of course." The arrangement would never have gone so smoothly without the assistance of Nathaniel. He had been instrumental in arranging the land transfer and burying the names of the true owners under mountains of paperwork – should the 'wrong' people come looking for them. They had never been happier for bureaucracy.

Anders turned towards the group following them; he began to direct them to the property. The dwarves and their carts of material began moving further back into the land. The other mages – Koehemar, Lafatria and Grymm – also walked towards the lot. The two elves looked around at the expanse of land where they would soon help build a home and chattered to each other happily. Grymm found a large tree he seemed to appreciate and like the practical man that he was, began to set up his tent.

"The dwarves will be starting on the ground work for the homestead first," she said. "And in a few days, Carver and Merrill will have set off from the Keep. We should see them within a week's time. Perhaps there will be good progress by then."

Anders nodded. "I look forward to getting my hands dirty for this."

"As do I," she replied. "It will be good to create something like this together."

"This building will be so much more than a home for us," he said. "This is the beginning of our new life. The foundation of our family."

"I…" she started. He looked at her, waiting for her to continue. "We almost…_I_ almost left you behind in Kirkwall. I can't imagine how I nearly made that choice back then. I can't fathom what life would have been like now had I stuck with it. Would I even _be_ here?"

"Hush, love," he interrupted. "Don't dwell on those thoughts. There are so many reasons why you should have left me behind. But I'm glad you ignored the logical choice and decided to rescue me after all."

"I'm glad too," she said. She squeezed him tightly and he leaned forward to kiss her forehead.

"Let us set up camp for ourselves and the dwarves," he said. "We have _much_ work to do!"

The two rejoined their group, setting up shelter for themselves and the group of dwarves who would be helping to build their permanent home. The day was bright and sunny – a welcome change from some of the darker days they had travelled through. As the shadows grew long and the day marched to night, Hawke viewed her group with satisfaction. This really was to be the start of something…exceptional. She knew her life – as transient and out of the ordinary as it had become – was about to change for the better. It was what she'd always dreamed of as a little girl who had discovered that she was not 'normal'. What she never thought she'd have in all the years they were on the run from the templars before settling in Lothering. When the darkspawn came, they were forced to run yet again. And then in Kirkwall, never feeling safe – even as the city's Champion.

But this felt different to her. She assisted the dwarves in digging holes for the foundation of the building that would soon be her home – and she felt a sense of permanence; as though the laying down of foundations would be akin to laying down roots. She was in no way naïve – there would be difficulties. Perhaps even retribution from those who did not appreciate the rebellion and war that she and Anders led across the lands. But she knew they would face down the threat as they had done for so many years…together they would overcome the dangers.

* * *

><p>The dwarven masons that had come along from Vigil's Keep were a wonder. They were hardworking and stopped for nothing but a quick meal and the darkness of night. Within the first five days of construction, they had already bricked up the four walls of the main portion of the home, and had started to work on the wing that would house the sleeping quarters for the three mages that had joined Anders and Hawke for as long as they decided to remain with them. Hawke had been working on a stone structure running the length of the front of the property – a welcoming, yet boundary-defining waist-high wall. A few days prior, she had discovered some twisted pieces of steel and other metals near the shed on the property. With the help of one of the dwarves and a little magic, she fashioned the pieces into a functioning gate that she intended to attach to the wall she was building. The two elven mages had been clearing debris from the vast fields of the property, cleaning it up in preparation for its use in growing crops. It was too late in the season for many crops, but they intended to grow potatoes, carrots, beets and other vegetables that could extend their growing season into the colder months. Grymm was assisting Anders in stockpiling wood – the healer would chop pieces into smaller usable chunks, while the hulking mage would carry large pieces of fallen trees, or would chop down trees that had been damaged from winds or age.<p>

Anders couldn't help but chuckle to himself when he caught his love unawares – staring at him while he worked. She had a slightly dreamy look on her face as she did so, similar to one he had seen many times when they battled together. It was a look of appreciation – he knew that much. Though what she appreciated as he worked away, he could only speculate.

A short while later, he stood up to stretch; his back was sore from the constant bending and lifting and chopping of wood. He looked around, but could not find Hawke. He wiped his forearm across his face, attempting to dry up the sweat that had accumulated at his brow. He was starting to exhaust himself from the hard labour, and needed to rest.

"Let's take a break," he said to Grymm, slumping against the wood pile that had amassed. The man nodded at him and headed over to where the tents were set up. As Grymm left the area, Anders elongated his legs as he sat on the pile. He leaned forward, closing his eyes and stretching his back.

"Slacking off, I see?" Hawke said, forcing Anders' eyes to fly open in response.

"Never!" he stated emphatically. He stood up, smiling at her – a little unsure of why her hair was soaking wet. "Just taking a well deserved break."

She moved in front of him, clasping her hands with his. "I know," she said, leaning in to kiss his cheek. "You've been working very hard."

"Yes, and you were staring," he replied.

"I was doing _no_ such thing," she said. "Staring…bah!"

"You were! I don't know how you can deny it. Still…it's no wonder. I don't blame you for watching. I know it's difficult to pull your eyes of a specimen such as myself," he joked.

She groaned. "You're lucky I'm so hopelessly in love with you, you silly arse!"

He pulled her close to him, resting his hands on her hips lightly. "But…you were staring."

"I'll never admit to it," she said defiantly. "In any case, I was off collecting some water from the stream that crosses the southeast of our property. I figured that you might be happy to have some."

She pulled the water skin from her hip and held it out for him. She hoped that it would change the subject from a battle she could not hope to win against him. She knew well that he had in fact caught her staring…quite luridly as well. She had glanced in his direction as she hefted some rocks from the pile to add to her wall, and nearly dropped them on her toes as she saw him swinging his axe down to split the wood in front of him. She could see the sweat glistening on his forehead, and a fire lit in her belly like the moment she first saw him – when he had healed the boy in his clinic in those first years in Kirkwall. It was a fire of instant attraction, and her mouth fell open a little – just shy of letting her tongue loll out of it. She had realized that she'd never seen him completing any tasks that required manual labour before, and she was shocked at just how much she…appreciated seeing him in that way. He was strong enough, considering how fit they had become from all the traveling and fighting they'd been involved with. And she never realized how sexy the mage could be completing such a menial chore as chopping wood.

Much of his hair was pulled back – now long enough to do so – save for several errant strands that she envisioned pushing back from his face. He was wearing a loose fitting pair of trousers and a tunic that he had torn the longer sleeves from – and there was just something about the way the sweat marked it that made him that much more alluring to her at that moment. She could picture herself peeling the layers off of his sweat-slicked body. She was so utterly entranced by the vision of him that she didn't realize he was looking right back at her as she gawked. It was only when he turned around, bending over to pick up some of the split wood, displaying in full view the backside that she rarely got to appreciate in such perfect form, when she realized that she had been acting like an overly passionate teenaged girl for the better part of this display. She shook her head, smiled to herself and headed down to the southern part of the property in search of the stream she knew she needed to dunk her head into to cool her thoughts.

He finished gulping back the water and noticed that her eyes were glazing over as she stood, deep in thought. "I hate to interrupt the delicious thoughts I'm sure you're having," he said, "but I'm a little curious about the…wet hair."

"Oh, uh…" she started. "I just…I needed to…it was hot."

He eyed her suspiciously. "You're a terrible liar."

"I'm not lying," she said. And she wasn't…but she also wasn't about to admit to what kind of heat she had attempted to refresh herself from.

"Right then," he said. "Keep it to yourself. I know the truth." He smirked at her and she turned to bring water to the others. While still in his reach, he smacked her bottom playfully and she flashed him a mischievous look before carrying on in the direction of the tents.

"You'll pay for those lies later you know," he called after her.

"I know!" she replied, without turning to look back. "I'm counting on it!"

He shook his head and chuckled as he pushed himself off of the wood pile. There was much more work to be done before the play he intended to partake of with her that evening. It was that thought that drove him to be more productive that afternoon than any day previous. He loved that woman to his core – couldn't wait until his hands were on her body. Until he could drink in her image, her sound and her smell. He couldn't wait.

* * *

><p>As the days rolled by, the homestead grew up and out – the dwarves built tirelessly. They were dedicated to their craft, and the workmanship showed it. After all, these were the men and women hired to maintain the integrity of Vigil's Keep – if they couldn't build a simple home after looking after a fortress, then Nathaniel must have misjudged them. However, he did not, and Hawke and Anders were quite pleased with the progress.<p>

About a week after they arrived, Carver and Merrill also reached the site, along with two more cartfuls of building supplies sent from the Keep. Anders continued to be amazed at Nathaniel's enthusiasm to help them, but he never suspected an ulterior motive. He was willing to accept that the man was simply happy to do so. Hawke agreed – there was no guise behind which an agenda was hidden. She saw it as his desire to see some good come to pass for the people of Ferelden, especially after the destruction caused by the blight.

Merrill was excited to see the progress that was being made on the homestead. She was more than a little happy to see her friends finally settling down after their lives on the run.

"This is so wonderful," she exclaimed. "You'll only be a few days' travel from the Keep. I have missed having both of you in my life. And, just between you and I, your brother has as well."

Hawke smiled at the elf. "I'm missed you both so much," she said. "Those four years…I just…. I feared for my life every day. But more than that, I feared I'd never see either of you again. And now, here we are…we all have our own lives to begin anew."

Merrill grabbed one of Hawke's hands between her own. "I'm so glad you came back to Ferelden. But I am having a difficult time imagining you just…settling down like this though."

"What do you mean?" she questioned.

Merrill shrugged. "After all of those escapades in Kirkwall? I always saw you for the adventurous type."

"Adventurous by necessity," she replied. "I'm not the warrior that I was forced to become back then. And I'm certainly no leader of a revolution by choice. Always by necessity. Besides…I think there will still be some exploits for us…" She trailed off, looking past Merrill into the distance.

"Ah," Merrill said, "you speak of Sebastian then."

Hawke nodded, still not meeting her eyes. "I'm afraid that we have not yet seen the last of our fair prince." The woman's face looked haunted, as if the past that she was afraid of coming back was about to bite her in the ass at that very moment. It was likely for good reason – the assault on Sebastian's forces that she and Anders led was brutal for the man's troops. They faced severe losses when the mages descended upon them, and Hawke suspected she'd have never heard from the Starkhaven prince again. Their time in Nevarra made her realize that she was wrong – and she knew that the only way he would stop was if she and Anders lay cold and dead.

"We will certainly keep our eyes and ears open at the Keep then," the elf said. "We have Wardens out on regular patrols all the time. We're bound to hear something before even the guards at Denerim, or the King's Army. Who, by the way, I've met! How exciting it was to meet him!"

"Yes, I recall when I met him back in Kirkwall," Hawke said, thinking back when King Alistair had attempted to reason with Meredith. But the woman would agree to nothing with him due to his attempts to give the Ferelden Circle its independence. She suspected that perhaps he might even be a possible ally in the future, and made a mental note to contact him in the future. If not for assistance, then to simply let him know that she and Anders were back in the country – for the _good_ of the country. Not many would understand everything that the two mages had gone through, but she had a feeling if any one noble would, it would be the King.

"Hawke?" Merrill questioned, interrupting her thoughts.

"Yes?"

"You're…quite distracted today. Is something wrong?" she asked.

"No Merrill," the woman replied. "You've just given me a lot to think on, I suppose." The fact was that Hawke was very concerned with what had happened in the Fade no more than a week previous. Her agreement with Justice had been plaguing her for some time. She knew that while Anders was busy helping with the work on the property, his mind wasn't actively considering where there might be injustices in the world to 'fix'. But what would happen when there weren't so many things to occupy his time? To fill up his thoughts? Would the spirit keep his word and not push Anders into a cause he didn't wish to take up the mantle for? Or would Anders stumble across some other new wrong to right? Her stomach twisted in knots when the thoughts crossed her mind. She would truly have to work hard to keep the mage happy…even-keeled.

The elf smiled at her friend widely. "Don't worry Hawke," she began. "We'll do everything we can to keep Anders the way he is right now. We all like him so much better this way. You know…without the mean old spirit showing up and ruining the party." It was as if she had read her friend's mind. She squeezed Hawke's hand and then ran off to join Carver as he toiled away at tilling soil. She stood on her tiptoes to whisper something into his ear. He looked at her, and then glanced over at his sister. She gave him a small smile, and he returned the same.

Despite the time apart, Carver could always tell when his sister was in need of something. And at that moment, he knew that she needed support. She needed to know that the decisions she had made to that point were the right ones…were the _only_ ones that she could have made. He caught her eyes one more time and nodded to her. With that simple look, she knew he was there for her…for Anders. It was times like these where she regretted more than anything the foolishness of the rivalry they once had. They were the only family the other had – if one excluded Merrill and Anders, which neither ever did. Though slightly dysfunctional, they were certainly as close to a family as they could get. And that suited Hawke just fine.


	10. A Joining of a Happier Kind

**This chapter contains perhaps something that many have been waiting for. Or at least what **_**I've**_** been waiting for. Loved writing this chapter. Hope you'll take the time to read and review…it's, as always, much appreciated.**

**[insert standard disclaimer here]**

* * *

><p><em>A Joining of a Happier Kind<em>

As the sun beamed down on the Bannorn, the land absorbed the heat quickly, expelling it back into the air above. It was one of the warmest days of the year – surprising as it was within the first fortnight of Kingsway, and not within the middle of the warm season. No matter; the dwarven masons that had been sent from Vigil's Keep to aid the mages in building their homestead and clinic had completed their task. The clinic had been complete for a week; their homestead two weeks prior. Hawke had ventured to Denerim with Koehemar and Lafatria to purchase items they required for their home; linens, cookware and the like. While passing a merchant in the city who sold supplies for painting, Lafatria's eyes lit up. She noticed this and inquired about his excitement.

"Back in the Circle," the elf began, "I was one of few individuals given permission to paint. I would very much like to take that up again…to create works of art to display in your home."

She smiled at him. "Of course, my friend," she agreed. "And you must not forget that it is your home as much as mine. Both of you."

The elves smiled at her. They had never been part of a 'family' in the true sense of the word – at least not that they could remember. They were both snatched from whatever situation they were born into at very young ages. Neither could remember any details about their families. Or where they came from. Koehemar suspected he was from an alienage, though which he could not say. The tattoos on Lafatria's forehead had faded greatly, but he was likely of Dalish descent. The fact that a Dalish elf had been removed from his clan and taken to the Circle was a rarity, but not unheard of.

The three had been grateful for the pony and cart that the dwarves had allowed them to borrow for the trip to the city. It had been filled up to the brim with supplies, provisions and items to furnish their home. They had also purchased edible dried goods to maintain their food stock until their crops began to produce on a more regular basis. Satisfied with the haul of the day, they started the journey back to the homestead.

As twilight began to take hold of the day, they arrived home. Despite the fact that the home was finished, and the dwarves had built beds for each of the rooms, they were still quite comfortable with sleeping in their tents during the warm evenings. That would likely change with the purchases Hawke and the elves had made that day, but one last night outdoors would be acceptable – especially on a night such as the one they were experiencing.

When the cart pulled on to the property, she could see that a bonfire had been built far behind the homestead. She and the elves quickly moved the items into the home, brought the pony to the small shelter that had been hastily constructed for the animals that were onsite and made their way to the fire. Anders, Grymm and the dwarves were sitting around it, all of them drinking. No one was truly drunk, though a few dwarves were well on their way. A lazy smile appeared on Anders' face when he saw them return, and spread out the blanket he was resting on for his love to join him. The two elves poured themselves some ale and joined the group as well.

As Hawke nestled in to the spot next to Anders, he placed his hand at her back, running his fingers up and down her spine slowly. She shivered at his touch, sighing softly.

"Successful day?" he asked.

She nodded. "We were able to find almost everything we were looking for…and then some."

"Lafatria is going to take up painting again!" Koehemar said excitedly.

Anders looked over at the elves, and Lafatria began to blush a little.

"I used to paint…at the Circle," he said. "But I was never allowed to really see the outside world. So much of my work was based upon what I saw in the Fade. I'm a little unsure of my ability to paint the real world."

"True art is the interpretation," Anders argued. "It need not be a replication of what the artist sees…only their perception."

"Profound…" she mused.

"Do you visit the Fade anymore, Anders?" Lafatria asked.

"I have a connection with it, yes," he replied. "Though I no longer dream…in the traditional sense of the word."

The elf pondered the mage's words for a moment. "Still, that must be strange. To never dream again…"

Anders shrugged. "I care not. I'm finally able to rest again…when I'm asleep, my sleep is not interrupted by another 'life' in the Fade. After so many years of not even sleeping, I'll take that over dreaming any day. Besides…" he said, squeezing Hawke gently before continuing, "my waking life has started to become even better than that of my dreams lately."

Koehemar laughed as Lafatria made a retching sound, to which Anders couldn't help but laugh loudly.

"You're ever so romantic these days," Hawke spouted. "I like that much better than your angry days."

"So do I, love," he replied. He kissed her cheek – as if on cue, the dwarves promptly announced that they were heading to their tents for the night. Grymm grumbled something to himself and also headed to his tent. "Now if we can only get rid of these two, I can ravish you under the moonlight!"

"No chance!" Koehemar laughed. "I'll stay out here just to prevent that!"

The elves only joked, as they had grown fond of the Anders that was rarely visited by the spirit. And they adored Hawke, who was like an older sister to them. They would never stand in the way of any happiness she could obtain. They noticed that even though she had only been away from Anders for the day, her eyes would drift as if she were somewhere else when they were in conversation. She was a woman in love – and despite their long years together, it was as if it were new to them both. Both the elves suspected it was a long, hard road for them; that is, if the rumours of their time in Kirkwall were all true.

Anders squinted and stared at Koehemar. "You have no idea how long I can wait," he said slyly.

Hawke stretched her arms over her head and yawned. "Well, I can't wait. I'm exhausted! Perhaps we can postpone the under-moonlight-ravaging for another night?"

"Ha!" shouted Koehemar.

Anders pouted at her, while deftly throwing a piece of bread he had been breaking apart to counter the mocking elf. Just as nimble, Koehemar caught the bread and shoved it in his mouth.

"Well, I can see this is going to go nowhere fast," Anders said, pushing himself up off of the ground. He reached a hand down towards her. "Come love…let's get you to bed." She looked at him suspiciously. "To sleep!" She smiled and took his hand, allowing him to pull her up. As the elves remained at the fire, turning the pieces of wood over to allow it to smolder, Anders led her to their tent and ushered her inside. She was asleep as soon as her head landed on her bedroll, and he curled up behind her, wrapping his arm around her waist; nuzzling his head into the curve of her neck. He considered the conversation that night about his connection to the Fade. He would gladly have given up everything to do with the Fade; so long as he was allowed to have moments like this, holding her in his arms.

* * *

><p>The coming days allowed the mages to furnish the homestead so it would be fit for habitation. They prepared the clinic as well, planning for it to be open by the beginning of Harvestmere. As summer gave way to autumn, Anders attempted to prevent himself from focusing his thoughts on the injustice created from the disparity between rich and poor. He was more than careful to not dwell on the role of the monarchy – Maker knows that could have been the catalyst for another war wrought by the hands of Justice.<p>

At first, people came from all across Ferelden to get a glance of the two apostates who had were rumoured to have been responsible for the uprising of the Circles against the templars and the Chantry. Soon after, they came to lay eyes on the Champion of Kirkwall and the man she stood beside. Eventually, legend faded into obscurity, and they came only seeking the Healer of the Bannorn.

Before the legends began to fade though, Anders made good on his promise to marry her. Through correspondence with Nathaniel, he had determined that there were several individuals that could help with a ceremony. An elder of a Dalish tribe, such as a Keeper could perform the rites – though the only Keeper they knew was Lanaya. She unfortunately was not willing to do so for those not within her tribe. Another individual who could perform the ceremony would be a head of state…a Bann or an Arl…even King Alistair. Hawke had laughed at Anders when he suggested she re-introduce herself to the king for that reason.

"Hullo there, King Alistair," she had said. "Remember me? The Champion of Kirkwall? I'd like to marry the renegade mage that blew up the Chantry there…care to perform the ceremony for us?"

"Point taken," Anders conceded.

It left only one option. Any commander of an army also had the same civil powers to perform the ceremony. Including the Commander of the Grey Wardens. Nathaniel himself would be able to assist them. Even he was not aware until he began his research at the request of his friend. When Anders read the correspondence from Nathaniel, he nearly ran back to Vigil's Keep himself to tell him that he couldn't think of a better person to do it. Instead, he penned a quick message to send back to the Keep with a messenger they employed at the clinic. He also had another message sent to Kirkwall to advise Varric and Aveline of the potential for the marriage – he knew Hawke would never forgive herself – or him – if either of the two hadn't at least been notified of the upcoming event.

Within the week, the two mages began planning for the ceremony, as the messenger returned with an agreement from Nathaniel to assist. They decided to hold the ceremony on First Day. It would allow their guests to make plans to travel across the Waking Sea. It also felt symbolic – they would begin their new life together in an official capacity on the first day of the new year. A message also arrived from a very excited Merrill on behalf of herself and Carver to confirm that not even a blight would prevent them from attending – though Hawke admitted that would be slightly irresponsible.

As the months passed, and the day approached, Merrill made more trips to the homestead to assist Hawke with their preparations. The clinic took up most of Anders' time, and some of the work to be done required a woman's touch anyway. She assisted Hawke in picking up a gown in Denerim, as well as planning the meal that would follow for the guests. Nathaniel had advised them that he would not take no for an answer regarding hosting the event at the Keep. The two reluctantly agreed; the festivities that were coming together seemed to be much bigger in scale than they had originally wanted.

"But who are we to fight against them if there are actually people who would like to celebrate this day with us?" Anders suggested.

"I suppose you're right," Hawke had agreed. "It's a little strange, isn't it?"

"What?"

"Having friends," she said. "Having people who support us and want to see us happy."

He smiled at her and nodded. "I couldn't have pictured it. I _didn't_ picture it back when I had first told you I wanted to do this. I never imagined that this day would turn into what it is turning into."

"If only my mother were here to see it," she sighed. "And Bethany." He quickly took her hand and squeezed it tightly.

"I'm sure they will be present with us come First Day," he replied. "Your father as well. They would all be proud of you and what you've accomplished."

"What _we've_ accomplished," she corrected him. "I believe my father would have fallen in love with you a bit himself. In a…fatherly sort of way, I mean."

He smiled at her. "He sounds like he was a wonderful man," he said. "Every time you speak of him, I sense that."

"He was," she said. "I'm so very glad that Carver will be there."

Anders was happy for it too. He had vague memories of his own family, and those memories were not particularly pleasant. He did remember his mother fondly, but her face was lost to him after so many years. The remnants of the Hawke family…of their traveling companions…they were his family now.

* * *

><p>The closer they got to First Day, the faster the days passed. A week prior to the end of the year, the clinic was closed down and the homestead locked up. Everyone was ready to travel to Vigil's Keep for the official joining of Hawke and Anders in marriage. When they arrived several days later, some of their other guests for the event had already arrived, namely Varric, Aveline and Donnic.<p>

Hawke had not seen Aveline for almost five years and when she laid eyes upon the woman, she collapsed to the floor. Aveline rushed to her side and the women embraced. Donnic greeted Anders warmly, despite how things were when they had last seen each other. When Hawke's joyous tears finally subsided, Aveline assisted her off of the ground and they embraced again.

"Aveline…I…" she began.

"I know, my friend," the woman replied. "I almost never expected to see you again. But then we received word from Anders that you were planning to be married. If you think I would have missed this day…"

"It is _so_ wonderful to see you again," Hawke said breathlessly. "And Donnic as well. I am so happy."

She pulled back from Aveline and looked towards Donnic who was standing near Anders. She looked down as she saw movement near his knee. Tiny fingers appeared and slowly wrapped themselves around the man's leg. Hawke's mouth fell open as she looked back towards her friend.

"Aveline…?"

"Hawke…I'd like you to meet our daughter," Aveline said, crouching down and holding her arms out. "This is Hyacinthe." At the sound of her name, the tiny girl popped out from behind Donnic and ran towards her mother. She picked the girl up and held her close. She couldn't have been more than three years old. She had long reddish-brown hair pulled back into braids and her brown eyes did not lift from Hawke's face.

"Aveline…she's just…she's beautiful," she said, so outwardly happy to see a product of Aveline and Donnic's wonderful union.

"Say hello, my little flower," she said to the girl. Hyacinthe buried her tiny face into her mother's shoulder. Hawke softly stroked the girl's hair, the smile never leaving her face. She embraced Aveline and her daughter affectionately.

"I am overwhelmed," she said to her friend. "Thank you for coming. Thank you."

Varric stepped forward as Hawke let Aveline return her daughter to Donnic. He hugged her tightly. "I have a surprise for you," he whispered into her ear.

"I'm not sure how many more surprises I can take!" she exclaimed.

"This is a good one," he said and stepped back. He turned and looked across the hall, nodding at a figure unknown. As the figure came into the light, her mouth opened even wider than it had when she saw Hyacinthe. Walking towards her, clapping his hands giddily, was Sandal, with the hound she had left in his care walking at his side. She ran towards the dwarf and bent down to hug him tight.

"Sandal! I can hardly believe it!" she cried out.

"Hullo!" he said excitedly. He then looked towards the mabari at his side. "Doggie!"

"Hi there boy," she said to the hound, scratching his head. "I trust you've been taking good care of my friend here."

The dog barked in response and rolled over into Sandal's ankles, knocking the dwarf over. The two tussled on the ground, forgetting about Hawke's presence. She smiled, happy to see them both. Varric approached her and patted her arm.

"Told you it was a good surprise," he said.

She looked at him and her face changed slightly. "And…what of his father?"

"Bodahn is still living," Varric replied, and she breathed a sigh of relief. "He was unfortunately too ill though to make the journey from Orlais. He sends his regards to both you and Anders and wishes he could have been here."

"We certainly would have loved to have him here," she said. "But having Sandal here is wonderful." She looked back towards the others and caught Anders' eye. He smiled at her from across the room, and even wider when she pointed out Sandal. This was going to be a wonderful time for them…a reunion with so many from their past. She never wanted it to end.

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><p>Anders had to hand it to Merrill – she certainly knew how to liven up a place in the middle of the cold season. She had decorated the main hall of Vigil's Keep beautifully. There were small cotton-like flowers adorning the pillars and surrounding the main fire. She had also lined the few rows of seats for the guests with boughs of evergreen trees. He walked towards the front of the hall where Carver was standing with Nathaniel. The men looked particularly striking in their ceremonial Warden armour.<p>

As Anders approached, Merrill rushed up to him, nearly tripping over her floor length, tawny velvet gown. He noticed the green leaves embroidered at its hems and around the sleeves. She looked at him and shook her head. She began fussing over the deep indigo tunic, pulling at it to straighten it out as it sat underneath the long black cloak he wore. She knelt down and also straightened the matching wool kilt. As she jumped to her feet, she stood back, looking half satisfied that she had made him look presentable – even though he had nervously spent two hours fixing his hair and ensuring that his cloak did not wrinkle. The elf hurried him off to the front of the room before rushing off to find Hawke, and he nervously shuffled past the guests who were already seated. Several of the Wardens that they had befriended in their time visiting the Keep were present, as were many of the dwarven builders that had assisted them with the homestead and clinic. Word had spread that they were to be married, and many of those who had been assisted by the mages at the clinic came to celebrate the day. The guest list had grown well beyond what Hawke and Anders had originally planned for, and he was slightly shocked at the turnout.

He approached Nathaniel who smiled upon seeing him.

"You certainly clean up well when you want to," he joked. "You sure you're ready for this?"

"Nate, you have no idea," he replied.

Carver clapped him on the back and he turned to face him. "I'm glad that it's you, Anders. You've proven us all wrong. And I've never been happier about being mistaken about a person." He leaned in and hugged the mage, careful not to overdo the embrace with the armour he was wearing.

The three men stood and waited for Merrill to return with Hawke. And when she entered the hall, Anders' face went pale. He gazed at her as she walked towards him; he could feel his stomach flip flop due to the nerves that had overtaken him the second he laid eyes on her. Despite her lack of familiarity of the fancy slippers that Merrill had helped her pick out, she glided gracefully across the floor; as if she were floating on air. The ice blue satin gown she wore reached to the ground, swishing softly as she walked. Elaborate embroidery covered the gown from her waist up, weaving small pearlescent beads throughout it. She wore a long snow white cloak, hooded and lined with the fur of white wolves. He had never seen her more beautiful and she never removed her eyes from his.

When she reached the front of the hall and stood in front of Nathaniel at his side, he reached up and gently pulled the hood back from atop her head. It revealed the same small cotton-like flowers that Merrill had decorated the hall with also woven into her crimson hair, which was pulled up in an intricate design that only the Dalish seemed to be able to create. His hands graced across her skin, lingering on her face. She stared into his eyes and neither wished to break the connection that had been made.

Moments later, Nathaniel cleared his throat quietly, and they both turned to face him. He felt for her hand and clasped it tightly in his own. She nervously glanced at him; he looked back at her, raised his eyebrows and winked. She smiled and they both turned back to Nathaniel.

"Greetings to you all, and welcome," Nathaniel began. "The Maker blesses us all and watches over us during this joyful celebration. Before me stand two mages. Not long ago, their very presence may have alarmed even some of those here today. Long has our deep seeded prejudice against magic prevented the celebration of such a union. But no longer. We should rejoice that such a love exists; a love that has overcome the hatred of centuries. A love that has given freedom and hope to so many." He motioned for them to turn to face those assembled in the hall, and they did so. He placed one hand on Anders' shoulder, and the other on Hawke's and continued. "A seed was planted many years ago. It was nourished and cared for, sprouted new life. It will continue to grow and mature, strong against the hardships of its life. When the time is right, it will blossom and move into the next stage of its life. This growth is similar to the love between this man and this woman before you. Their love has grown and endured much hardship, just as the seed has done. And with nourishment and care, it will become strong, just as the seed becomes a mighty tree." They both face the front again.

"You both stand before me, these onlookers, and all that is life. Both of you have come of your own free will?" Nathaniel asked, and they nodded in response. "Turn and face each other.'

He joined their hands together and their eyes locked once again. Pulling a long cloth from his side, he wrapped it around their clasped hands and asked them to speak their vow to the other.

"Anders," she began, "my blood is your blood, my heart is your heart. I come to you today and join you of my own free will. I join you as my mate, my lover, my friend and my equal. I give to you my life until our days are ended."

"My love," he repeated, "my blood is your blood, my heart is your heart. I come to you today and join you of my own free will. I join you as my mate, my lover, my friend and my equal. I give to you my life until our days are ended."

"With the binding of your hands, so too do I bind the bonds of your love with protective energies to watch over your union this day and forever. Do you both give your oath to keep your vows eternal?" Nathaniel prompted, tying the cloth around their wrists.

"We do," the two mages answered.

"Go now and be blessed in your union," he continued. "We welcome you into a new beginning in your life. A new journey lies before you; your separate paths now bound to one. May your journey bring you wisdom. May it strengthen your love for each other. May the energy of life guide you, strengthen you, shedding upon you peace and light, and the courage to journey through life and eternity as one."

He smiled at Anders as he untied the cloth and presented it to them. "You may seal your vows with a kiss."

Anders placed his hands at the sides of her face, pulling her close and kissing her deeply. She wrapped her arms around him, holding him as a tear fell down her face. As they broke the kiss and he pulled away, his thumb ran across her cheek, wiping the line of moisture away. He took her hand again in his and they continued to look into each other's eyes.

Nathaniel turned to those present for the ceremony. "Please, greet this couple and welcome them as husband and wife."

The crowd converged on the two mages; smiles and laughter spread through the group like wildfire. Words of congratulations were spoken to Hawke and Anders, but they barely registered in the ears of the two. The fluid motion surrounding them faded into the background as they remained lost in each other's eyes. They had done the impossible. And it was more beautiful than either of them could have ever imagined.

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><p><strong>AN: Ceremony borrowed and modified from the text of a traditional Druidic handfasting ceremony.**


	11. Weathering the Storm

**Bit of a time jump to this chapter, but worth it I hope. Lots of reference to events in chapters 2, 3 and 10, so I recommend reading the rest of the story if you haven't already. Well, of **_**course**_** I'd recommend that. ;)**

**All the favourites and alerts are just as nice as reviews…so thank you all for the support. But don't hesitate to tell me what you think. It's so appreciated.**

**[insert standard disclaimer here]**

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><p><em>Weathering the Storm<em>

With the harvest season behind her, Hawke had been working tirelessly in the fields, ensuring that they would be ready for the next season. She toiled about on her property, trying to get as much work done without bothering Anders. He had been working non-stop in the clinic and had exhausted himself so much that they had been forced to close the clinic completely for more than the one day a week it normally closed. Some unknown illness had been stalking northern Ferelden, and its citizens were travelling days to see Anders for his assistance, making things much busier than they normally were. She helped where she could, but had been avoiding the clinic after having contracted something that left her bedridden for several days. When she recovered slightly, she returned to the fields, despite not feeling back to her normal self. She was often fatigued but the work in the fields needed to be completed.

After all, this would be the first cold season without the two elves, and the second without Grymm. The large man had heard through the remnants of the mage underground that his parents were still alive in the southern part of Rivain. It was as if his entire demeanor transformed with the news – he smiled, and spoke, and laughed, and even shed a few tears. He left almost immediately after he found out at the end of Solace. He put up a bit of a fight with the two mages, not wanting to abandon them immediately before all the work of the harvest was coming, but Anders insisted and she agreed. The man had been away from his family for long enough and he deserved it. He promised to return to assist them every planting season on their land, and had returned the next year when the snows had finally melted.

Shortly after Grymm's departure, Varric sent word that he had been able to locate a mage named Melina in the outskirts of Kirkwall, and had passed the information to Valencia in Nevarra City. She had been keeping in touch with them in the time that passed since they first met in her brothel, but up until Varric's correspondence, had received no news regarding the woman's daughter. Sure enough, the meeting arranged by the dwarf for the two women had been successful – Melina was in fact her daughter and they experienced a very tearful, yet very happy reunion. The letter Valencia sent to Anders and Hawke had gushed over the good fortune she had with meeting the two mages, and that they were sent by the Maker to her. She also passed along greetings from Barnaby, her trusted friend and employee that had helped them all out of the city. He had unfortunately still no news of his brother Matthius' whereabouts, but he had not given up hope. And neither had they.

Lafatria and Koehemar were less attached to the idea of finding the families that they had once belonged to. They had become very close to Merrill during their time in Ferelden, and had been enjoying her stories about her time with the Dalish both in Ferelden and the Free Marches. They had become so interested that she sought out the Dalish tribe she had stayed with immediately following her exile from Kirkwall to speak to the Keeper. The tribe was accepting of the idea of bringing the two young mages into their family – new blood was always welcome. When they discovered she had made the arrangements, they were ecstatic. Again Anders and Hawke were extremely supportive of them going off to find their own way, and they left for the Brecilian Forest in Justinian, nearly a year after Grymm departed.

A lot had happened in the three years since she and Anders had been wed. Yet they had only succeeded in making their household smaller with the loss of their three friends. It was not for lack of trying that they had not yet conceived a child. Anders tried to keep a sunny disposition about the matter, but as time went on, Hawke began to withdraw into herself. She knew deep down that Anders' being a Grey Warden was potentially an insurmountable hurdle for conception, yet continued to blame herself. The more time that passed, the less opportunity she felt she would have to become a mother…to begin a family with the love of her life. Her years were fading – almost as quickly as those of Anders. At least, that was how she was beginning to see it.

There was a chill in the air as she pulled a few last weeds from the ground. She leaned back on her haunches, sighing loudly. Her eyes closed as she lifted her face to the sky and stretched her neck and back. The evening approached earlier each day and it must have been nearly sundown, for on top of the overcast day, the sky was beginning to grow darker. When a shiver ran through her, Hawke lifted herself off of the ground, threw the weeds she had collected into a pile at the side of the field and began to walk towards the homestead. Just as she reached the walk that led to the front door, she hesitated as if something wanted her to wait. She frowned, uncertain of what unseen force held her in place. The frown smoothed into a small smile as she looked back out towards the yard and saw several tiny snowflakes falling behind her. It was the first snowfall of the season – the time of year that always made her reflect upon those busy days prior to the wedding. She remembered back to when Anders fretted continuously for a week straight about what he was going to wear – he was worse than a woman! She could say that quite easily as both she and Merrill had found their gowns in less than two days' time. And then how many times had he tried to convince her to show him her dress? She had lost count. He had looked so disappointed then…but the look on his face when he finally saw her that day was well worth all the whining and complaining over the issue.

As yet another chill overtook her, she pulled her coat tightly around her, took a last contemplative look at the light snow falling and turned to head inside. As she entered the main sitting room from the vestibule, she saw Anders rearranging the firewood in the hearth. He turned as he heard her come in and smiled.

"Love, you're shivering!" he said, having taken a closer look at her. He rose to his feet and picked up a quilt from the back of a large chair. He wrapped it around her and rubbed her arms and back under the blanket. "Come and sit by the fire. You're freezing! You never should have stayed out there working for so long."

"It had to be done," she said, coughing a little. "And you need your rest. You've been working too hard."

"I'm fine. I just needed a day off," he said. He led her to the fire, held the quilt while she pulled off her coat and wrapped her back up in the quilt again. She lowered herself to the floor in front of the fire, and he settled down next to her. "Apparently it looks as though it will be good that we've closed the clinic for a few days. I'll likely be taking care of you."

She tried to muster up a glare, but she was caught up in another fit of coughs. Anders frowned at her.

"Don't look at me like that," she said, trying to joke once the coughing stopped. "I'm fine. A good night's rest, and I'll be right as rain."

"I'm not so sure of that," he said, eyeing her warily. "Your progression in recovery seems to have reversed itself. You're looking to be the same colour you were before you were bedridden." He got back to his feet. "Perhaps being by the fire isn't even going to do the trick for you. Come on love…off to bed with you." He helped her to her feet and walked with her into their bed chamber. He prepared some logs in the hearth and conjured some flame to warm the room.

Hawke stood at the side of their bed weakly, barely holding herself up. When she nearly collapsed, Anders rushed to her side to stabilize her.

"Hurry, let's get you into something more comfortable so you can get some rest," he said, visibly concerned. He helped her change into her bed clothes. He couldn't help but notice that she had lost a significant amount of weight in the past fortnight alone, but did not mention it to her. No sense in worrying her when what she needed most was rest.

As she climbed into bed, her breathing became laboured. Anders placed his hand on her forehead and determined she had quickly developed a fever. Due to his own exhausted state, he would likely not be able to heal her completely, but he would certainly ease her fever so she could sleep. When the healing aura surrounded her, he could hear her breathing settle into a more gentle rhythm. Some moments later, he again felt her forehead; it had cooled significantly. He pulled the bedcovers over her and sent out a wave of energy towards her to assist her in falling asleep. He decided to observe her for some time, and pulled a book off of a nearby shelf to read while near her. He pulled a chair close to the bed and settled into it with the book. After several hours, she was resting comfortably and he eventually also fell asleep while watching her.

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><p>When Hawke awoke, she could tell by the shadows in the room that the clouds had dissipated and the sun was shining. She could also tell that the day was likely half over by the length and direction of the shadows it cast into her room. She looked around and could see the chair that was sitting next to the bed with the book laying open on it. <em>Anders<em>, she thought, with a smile on her face and warmth in her heart. He never failed to take care of her when she needed it. She did feel much better than when she came in from the fields the day prior.

She began to pull herself up to a seated position when the door opened and Anders peeked in.

"You're awake," he said, smiling. He pushed the door open and walked over to sit on the bed at her side. "How do you feel?"

"Better," she replied. "I told you all I needed was a good night's sleep."

"Er, two actually," he said. He raised the back of his hand to her forehead gently. "You aren't feverish anymore…that's a positive sign."

"Wait…two days?" she replied incredulously. "I've been sleeping for two days? You must have had a hand in that."

"Only a minor one," he said. "I helped you get to sleep, but you certainly stayed that way. You must have needed it."

"Without a doubt," she said. "I feel…" She suddenly stopped and her hand flew to her mouth. As she began to heave, she frantically scanned around the room until she saw a wash basin in the corner of the room. She ran for it, dropped to her knees and vomited into the basin. Anders took a deep breath, wondering if this were just the beginning of a worsening condition that he would not be able to help her with. It worried him greatly, but he approached her and began to rub her back softly, sending small wisps of healing energy through her body. The energy helped, and she quickly recovered, picking up the basin to dispose of it.

"No, no, my love," he scolded gently. "You are to get back into bed and I will take care of that." He took the basin from her hands and watched as she hobbled back over to the bed and sat down. He left the room while she settled herself under a light cover. Her face scrunched into a disappointed scowl as she wiped away at her mouth.

A short while later, Anders returned with a pot of tea he had been brewing earlier. He poured her a mug and passed it to her.

"This should help with the nausea some," he said, sitting down. "If there is still any of it left, that is."

She nodded. "Thank you."

"Think nothing of it," he said. "But take a few sips of that, and then I'd like to have another look at you. To see if I can find out what it is that's affecting you. Frankly, I'm a little worried. You've been losing weight. And I _thought_ you'd been eating."

"I _have_ been eating," she countered. "And this is the first time I've been sick like this."

"Hmm," he said. "Some of my patients in the past week have come down with this illness, but they seem to recover from it quickly. Which is why I'd like to have a look. If there's something else that's preventing you from getting better, it's best we figure out what it is."

"Okay," she said, nodding again. She wasn't about to argue with him – he was a far superior healer than she was, and that wasn't to say she wasn't talented in that way. But he certainly knew how to search for hidden illness or injury better than she could. She took several sips of the tea and placed the mug on the bedside table. She lied down and stretched out on the bed and invited Anders to begin.

He stood up and pushed the chair back out of the way. He began by physically seeking out any pain she had, but there was none. His hands hovered over her body, and she felt soothed and calm. He continued to send out healing energies into her as he received her energy back through his fingers. After some time of the exchange of energies, Hawke looked up at his face, seeing his was straining to try desperately to find out what could possibly be wrong with her. His expression became one of disappointment, as he looked ready to give up. He started to pull his hands back away from her when he suddenly stopped; his eyes flying open. She could not gauge his reaction – was it troubled? Her face began to display panic as she sought to understand what it was he discovered.

Anders let his hands remain above her abdomen for a few seconds longer, when he abruptly stepped back, dropping one arm to his side as he grabbed his forehead.

"Anders…what?" she asked, alarmed at his reaction. "What's wrong? What did you find?"

"There's…" he started.

"Damn it, Anders! Spit it out!"

"There's another heartbeat in there."

Silence overtook them. Neither could do anything more than stare straight ahead. It felt like eternity had come and gone before either of them dared to breathe. But she was the first to move. She sat up slowly, and once seated, placed her hands over her abdomen. She dared to look up at him, hand still at his forehead. She reached for his other hand and took it tenderly.

"Anders," she whispered, "tell me again."

He lowered his hand and looked down at her, all but falling into a seated position on the bed beside her.

"We…we are going to have a baby."

"Say it again."

"We are going to…"

His words were interrupted as she threw her arms around him and kissed him roughly. He pulled away from her and cupped her face with his hands. He stared into her eyes – they were sparkling like he'd never seen before. The shock on his face was replaced with wonderment. He had only felt so happy once before – on the day they were married. And now…they were finally on the road to starting a family. He placed one of his hands on her abdomen and sensed the faint heartbeat once again. He thought he was dreaming, yet he had not been in the Fade in that way for so long. Surprisingly, the spirit felt restless; yet it was not for any reason other than curiosity over this new development. He was going to be a father. A _father_. After so much destruction in their past, he was going to be a part of bringing new life into this world. Into this new free world, where mages were people. Where an apostate was no longer an apostate, and his children could be free.

Hawke watched him closely, a sweet smile lingering on his lips unknowingly. She took in every quiet moment of this peace they were sharing. "You are a father…" she said quietly. "And I am a mother."

His concentration broke as he looked at her. "I love you," he said. "I have never loved anyone as much as you. You never gave up on me…even in this."

She smiled at him. Her eyes became watery and she wiped away at them. He reached out and grabbed her hand before she could wipe them all away.

"No," he said. "Let the tears come. They are joyous, and you are so beautiful, my love."

They embraced again and held each other again. When they tired of sitting, she lay back on the bed, and he curled up at her side. His hand draped across her stomach, gently drawing circles atop it. Eventually his movement ceased, and they fell asleep – easy smiles upon both their faces.


	12. Life's Little Mysteries

**Okay. It's 4:30 AM. So done with writing this chapter…I probably could have gone on longer, but there you have it. Hope it's coherent…I tried reading it over, but my eyes are wonky now. Enjoy…oh and let me know if there's any spelling/grammar things. Yeah…4:30 AM…**

**No disclaimer today. Too tired.**

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><p><em>Life's Little Mysteries<em>

"They're here!" she cried out, looking out the window towards the path running in front of the homestead.

"They've made good time," Anders replied, watching his wife from where he had been putting the finishing touches on a large pot of soup. "Thank the Maker I've made an extra large batch."

She looked back at him smiling as she made her way to the door. He followed from a distance, quickly catching up to her as she waddled slowly. He scooted in front of her to open the door, placing his hand on her back.

"Now, now…don't push me," she scolded.

"Never, love," he replied, winking at her. "But you'll never make it at this pace."

She glared at him, but quickly burst into laughter at her state. "I am tending to be rather sluggish these days, aren't I? And wide as a house, I might add. I don't know how you put up with me."

"Very carefully," he joked. "But you don't hear me complaining, now do you?"

"I'd best not," she replied. He smirked as she waddled out on to the verandah that wrapped along the front of the house. She nearly fell backwards when she heard the shriek from the front of the property. She looked ahead just in time to see Merrill jump several feet into the air and run top speed towards the home.

"Oh stars!" she cried. "You're as big as a house!"

"That's just what we were talking about actually," Anders said.

"You…" Hawke said, wagging a stern finger in his direction.

"Meeeeeee," he replied melodically. "You _adore_ my taunting."

Merrill interrupted the pseudo-argument and embraced her gently, trying not to knock her over or squeeze her too tightly. She placed her ear to her friend's belly and listened carefully. Hawke glanced at Anders and smiled widely.

"Didn't I tell you that this would be the first thing she'd do?"

Merrill pulled back and looked upon the two. "What? Is this not something I should be doing?"

"Of course not Merrill," she replied. "You are welcome to listen to whatever's going on in there. You may receive a kick to the face though, if you aren't careful."

"Hellooooo in there," the elf cried out towards the large belly in front of her. "When are you coming out? I want to meet you!"

"Oh dear," came a voice from behind her. Merrill spun around as Carver approached. "We've taken to yelling at the child now, have we?"

"Your sister said it was okay," she said in her own defense.

"That I did," she confirmed, as he leaned forward to kiss his sister on the cheek.

"You look well," he said. "Much better than the last time we saw you."

The two mages had sent word to Vigil's Keep shortly after they had discovered that Hawke was with child, and both Merrill and Carver hurried as quickly as they could to the homestead to congratulate them. Now that she was close to the end of her pregnancy, they decided to return to assist the couple with whatever they could offer. They were pleased that Nathaniel – despite running a tight ship when it came to the Wardens – was more than gracious with allowing them leave when required. There were many new recruits to the Wardens, and little to do without the threat of a blight looming in the distance.

"Yes, well," Anders began, "it would appear that when one is a Grey Warden, one's child does not escape without certain baggage."

"In order words, the taint wasn't agreeing with me," she continued.

"Now, now," he cut in. "Don't be modest. A lesser woman could have perished in your position. But you were and are very strong. It wouldn't have shocked me if you'd have survived our initiation as well."

"Telling my sister all of our deepest and darkest secrets, are we Anders?" Carver questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh come on, Carver," she said. "I have an _idea_ of what goes on. After all, I've seen the three of you go through various stages of uh…Wardenism…for many years."

"Besides," Anders said, "I didn't tell her anything. Except for the bit about the nightmares. And well, I had to tell her about the taint. Because of the baby. And well, she kind of knows about…"

"Oh enough," he said. "At least you didn't get the crazy idea to become one of us!" Carver pointed his finger at her nose, and she prompted swatted it away.

"Are you kidding me?" she said. "After all this one has done to try to avoid it?" She motioned to Anders who was looking away, feigning disinterest.

"What? What did I do?" he said.

Merrill, completely oblivious to the conversation, was entranced by the size of Hawke's belly. She continued to fawn over it and place her hands on it.

"Oh!" she said excitedly. "I felt a kick. Was that a kick? I think it was!"

"Yes," Hawke replied. "That was definitely a kick. This little one has been very energetic recently. I suspect they are sensing that it will soon be time to come out into the world."

"You're certainly big enough. The size of a…," Carver said.

"House. Yes, I know. Thank you Carver. For pointing out that obvious…observation," she said, frowning at him.

"Right," he said, with a slight blush on his cheeks. "Perhaps we should gather our belongings and go inside?"

Merrill nodded and the two hopped down the steps towards their cart to retrieve their supplies. Anders assisted her back into the house, insisting that she get back off of her feet. She laughed at his worrisome nature, but understood that this pregnancy had been just as stressful for him as it was for her. There were several times where she had become so sick near the beginning, that they had feared they would lose the child. It was so uncertain to begin with, considering the small chance that resulted in the conception of the child. Anders took every precaution with her, including hiring on help at the clinic and during the planting season in the fields. He did not want her to jeopardize the health of their child or of herself in anyway.

Unfortunately, Hawke had quickly become bored. She often found her way out to the clinic, only to be ushered back into the home by Anders or one of his assistants. Eventually she found some new hobbies – knitting, sewing and baking – the tasks that all good wives did for their husbands.

"Is this what I've become? A typical housewife?" she had once questioned him.

"Never, love," he replied. "Unless a typical housewife can also create a firestorm by snapping her fingers."

She had scowled at him then, not appreciating his joke.

"Now, you know that this is only while you're pregnant," he said. "You'll be back to normal and taking care of our child with me and running around at the clinic and in the fields before you know it."

"I know," she said, as he pulled her close and held her.

She smiled at the memory, and thought back again to when she had first considered that she might like to spend the rest of her days in domestic bliss. She had never thought about how boring it might be, but then, life would never be boring once there was a child. It crossed her mind to simply relish this simple time before the chaos would ensue. She had to stifle a giggle whenever she pictured Anders running around outside with their son or daughter; or perhaps even teaching them a spell or two – if the child were gifted in that way. _Gifted_, she thought to herself. _How odd that I finally believe that now…_

As she brought herself back to the present, she felt his hand find its way to her belly again. There was just something about being pregnant that made a person want to touch the woman's belly…she often suspected it was due to the sheer size she had become in many cases. Though with Anders it was different – he merely wanted to feel a connection to the life inside of her that was waiting to get out. She smiled blissfully at him, quietly noting the look of serenity that rested upon his face. He had changed so much in the years since they had left Kirkwall…in the time of the war…and even since they discovered they were to become parents. She was becoming excited to find out what kind of a father he would be, even though deep down, she had a good feeling about it. He sat with her for a few moments until Carver and Merrill entered their home, and then jumped up to help them.

Carver shooed Merrill off to sit with his sister as Anders showed him to the room they would be staying in. The two men managed to sort out the guests' belongings and carried them off, leaving the two mages alone.

"So you must be excited then?" Merrill questioned, though it was more of a statement.

Hawke nodded. "But I'm quite nervous too."

"You shouldn't be," the elf said. "Anders has delivered many children, and walked so many pregnant women through this process. You'll both be fine."

"I suppose I'm just worried because…it took so long for us."

"Ahh, the Grey Warden issue," she said.

"Yes…that," Hawke said, squinting a little. "I know that there have been offspring of other Wardens, but Anders doesn't know of any of them. I don't suppose you know of any either?"

"No," Merrill replied. "Though I did hear a rumour of a former Warden at the Keep who had gone to Orlais some years after the blight ended. He apparently left to be closer to his wife who I believe was pregnant. Or they had a child. Or something like that. You know, I know I get confused over things sometimes, but I thought it was frowned upon for Wardens to go off and get married and have children. But it seems like _everyone_ is doing it." The elf pondered her thoughts for a moment and bit her lip.

Hawke put a hand on Merrill's knee and smiled at her. "And how are things between you and my brother then?"

"Oh! I didn't mean to imply…" she squeaked.

"I know," she said. "But you're family, Merrill. I want to know that he's taking good care of you."

She smiled at Hawke. "He is. He's wonderful in fact. He's always so sweet and considerate. He tries to hide these little looks whenever people are around, but he just can't. It's rather cute."

Hawke had to return her friend's smile. She never could consider her brother 'cute'. He was always trying to be so tough and brave around her, and being cute never tended to go hand in hand with that.

"It's really nice to hear. I'm glad you're both happy. You _seem_ to both be happy."

"We are," she said quickly. "We really are. But perhaps we won't have any children. So at least I will get to be an auntie. That's what Carver calls me. 'Auntie Merrill'. It's cute too, isn't it?"

Hawke nodded. "Very."

* * *

><p>No more than a week had passed and Hawke was ready to let loose a plethora of magic upon anyone who came within several feet of her. Both Merrill and her brother were driving her mad – always fussing over her. Even Anders had been getting on her nerves. She felt ready to burst, both emotionally and physically. <em>This baby had better come soon<em>, became her constant mantra – even though she believed she still had close to a full month before it would be time.

She tried to remain calm and pleasant to everyone around her, but it became increasingly difficult. She and Carver fought like cats and dogs enough without her being the size of a house, waddling around and bumping into everything around her – she needed to get out of there. So when she had found herself under her favourite tree, she quickly began to calm down. She carefully lowered herself down to the ground so that she could sit under it. She had no idea how exactly she planned to get back up to her feet, but that wouldn't be important until later. At that moment, she was happy enough just to relax in the peace and quiet of the fields where she felt most at home.

The weather was starting to become extremely warm, despite being only halfway through the month of Justinian. But under the tree, the shade mitigated the burning heat from the sun, and a consistent, yet gentle breeze blew coolly across the fields. As Hawke leaned her head back against the tree, she closed her eyes and willed herself to drift off into a peaceful sleep.

When she opened her eyes, she saw the sky had become multi-coloured with swirling wisps of cloud throughout it. The area she sat in was surrounded by waist high grasses that swayed gently in the wind. When she lifted herself off of the ground, she noticed that her stomach had returned to normal size. _Ah, the Fade again_, she thought to herself, enjoying for a moment the feeling of not having to waddle around. As she looked ahead, towards a small building in the distance, she could see several people standing together in a group, with one away from the group closer to her location. She headed off in the direction of them and strained to see the figures.

As she neared the one closest, she could see he appeared to be Anders…likely Justice in his form. She hurried towards the man and he smiled a small smile when he saw her.

"It has been awhile," he said when she reached him.

She nodded. "Yes, it has. I thank you for holding up to your end of the bargain."

"It is not something that I would break," he replied, matter-of-factly.

"Of course. I didn't mean to imply that you would," she replied.

"I understand that you and Anders have been successful at conceiving a child."

She looked at him oddly, trying to remember that it wasn't Anders she was speaking to. "Yes, we have. It is almost time for the child's arrival."

"Yes. It is." He seemed confident in his statement. "You will likely be surprised."

"Surprised?" she questioned. "What do you mean?"

"It does not matter now," he says. "You have others waiting to speak to you." He motioned in the direction of the group that was not far away.

She looked past the spirit in Anders' form and her eyes widened. Could it be? Was it…?

"I suspected you would find this to be a surprise," he said, responding to the look on her face.

She rushed past him without another word and ran towards the three figures. When she was close enough, all three turned towards her, and she nearly collapsed as she confirmed their identities. Standing with smiles upon their faces were her father, her mother and her sister. She threw herself at Bethany first…followed by her mother, and finally her father. Even in the Fade, her tears streamed freely as she embraced her family, one at a time.

Her mother was the first to speak.

"Darling…you look so beautiful."

"Oh Mother," she said. "I am so sorry for what happened to you."

"Do not think on it," Leandra replied. "You did your best, and you couldn't have done anything more than that. You couldn't have saved me, but you were there with me when I needed you…to let me pass on." She hugged her daughter and held her close again. "And I see that you have gone and gotten yourself a husband."

Hawke pulled away from her mother carefully. "Are you…happy with my choice?"

"Of course, love," she said. "How could I not be? You have both been through so much together, but what is important is that you are happy. And I know you are happy."

She nodded, blinking away the tears.

"After all," her father cut in, "running away with apostates runs in our family, doesn't it dear?"

Leandra smiled at him as he reached towards Hawke and took her hands into his own.

"And you are about to provide us with grandchildren," Malcolm said, smiling sweetly at her. "We could not be happier about that."

"Father, my only wish is that you were alive to meet your grandchild," she said sadly.

"Do not be sad, my love," he said. "We will meet them in their dreams one day."

She smiled as Bethany stepped close beside her.

"I'll finally be an aunt," she said. "I'm so happy for you sister. And for Carver as well. You must pass on our love to him and his lovely Merrill."

"I will, Bethany. Oh, how I have missed you," she said. "How I have missed you all. Why have you not come to me sooner? Why have you waited so long?"

"Time is irrelevant here," her father said. "You must remember that. It is difficult to tell when it is appropriate to approach the dreamers."

"I see," she said. "How long can I visit with you? Will I see you again?"

"Not long," Leandra replied. "You will have important matters to deal with shortly. But we shall return to see you. Have no fear."

"Important matters?" she asked. "What kind of important matters?"

As she stood waiting for an answer, she felt water begin to flow across her bare feet. She looked down to see that she was standing in what appeared to be a small stream. It was not there earlier, but had formed while she spoke to her family. She looked at them, puzzled.

"That would be your cue that it is time to leave this place," a voice said from behind her.

Justice had approached from behind her, placing a hand on her shoulder gently.

"That doesn't make any sense," she said.

"It will," he replied. He took her hand and led her back to the tree, motioning for her to sit down. When she sat down, she closed her eyes again, forcing herself to wake from her slumber. As she opened her eyes, the bright sunshine gave her eyes pause from focusing in the natural light. As she regained her vision, she shook her head to fully wake herself up. When she began to stand up, she noticed a puddle of liquid on the ground where she had been sitting. It shimmered on the ground, similar to the stream she had been standing in while dreaming in the Fade.

"Anders!" she cried out loudly, recognizing that this was a signal that her baby was coming. "Anders! I need you! Come quickly!"

She heard the door to their home slam in the distance as she quickly doubled over in pain from a sudden contraction in her abdomen. She clutched at her stomach and tried to stabilize herself, all the while watching to see that Anders was answering her call. She could see him running towards her, followed closely by Carver and Merrill. When he finally reached her at the tree, he put his arm around her and hers over his shoulder.

"What's happened?" he said, frantic.

"I think it's time," she said, groaning.

Excitement flickered across his face. "Let's get you to the clinic. Carver, can you help me?" Carver hurried to her other side and helped hurry her towards the clinic. "Merrill, we'll need some water and clean rags. Please fetch them for me."

She jumped up with a large smile upon her face and rushed off to retrieve what was needed. As the two men helped her across the field towards the clinic, the contraction eased and she was able to walk more freely. They quickly reached the building and Carver hurried ahead to open the door for them. As they entered, Anders hurried her over to one of his examination tables and spread out a large sheet on to it. He helped her up on to it and she lied down on her back.

"How are you feeling?" he said, placing his hand on her forehead.

"Ready," she said, looking into his eyes. He bent forward and kissed her lips.

"I love you," he said, smiling at her.

Before she could answer, pain again gripped her abdomen and her face was overcome with a grimace. He grabbed her hand and she squeezed it tightly, feeling a slight warming sensation as he sent healing energies into her body. It lessened the sharp pain, but the dull aching still persisted.

"You'll make it through this," he said.

She nodded, squeezing her eyes shut tightly. "I know," she said through clenched teeth.

With Carver and Merrill nearby, the next several hours passed with no change. The contractions came and went, but no sign that the baby was about to arrive. The day turned to night, and eventually the time between the intense bouts of pain lessened until it appeared as though she was finally ready to give birth.

Anders talked her through the pain, staying willingly by her side through every moment. Merrill drifted off to sleep several times, leaning against Carver occasionally when he wasn't required by the healer for help. They were both awake however, when the baby came. Hawke worked very hard to deliver the child, and finally, after almost a full half day of pain and sweat, the child was born. Anders held the tiny being in his hands gingerly.

"We have a son, love," he said excitedly. "A little boy!"

He carefully severed the cord between the child and his mother and began to carry him towards her so she could have a better look at him. Suddenly she grasped her stomach in pain again.

"Merrill! Carver! Someone please…take the child! Something's wrong!" Anders cried out.

Merrill hurried over and took the child from his arms quickly. She looked at her friend, very worried at the new development. Through the pain, Hawke felt terrified, afraid she might never hold her child. But unexpectedly, her thoughts were thrown back to her father's words from the Fade. _You are about to provide us with grandchildren…we will meet them in their dreams one day…_

"Anders…I don't think this is over," she said. His face was white as a ghost, and unsure of what she meant. "I…I think we have…another…"

He immediately placed his hands on her stomach and his eyes widened after a few seconds.

"Another child?" he exclaimed. "There's another child!"

The second child came much quicker – much to the relief of her exhausted mother. The tiny baby girl arrived into her father's arms with little trouble.

"A boy and girl!" Merrill cried out, still holding her new nephew close, after cleaning him off.

When both newborns were being cradled in their mother's arms, Anders stood close to her and smiled. She looked up at him, noticing the tear that had formed in his left eye. She smiled sweetly back at him, unable to formulate words due to the fatigue that had overtaken her.

"What will we name them?" he asked her. They had discussed several names for both a boy and a girl, not knowing what they were about to have. She looked at both of the infants and reflected for a short time. A short time after, she looked back up at Anders.

"Gavin," she said, looking at the boy. "And Amelia," as she looked at the girl. She turned back to Anders for approval.

He looked at her contentedly. "Welcome to our family, Gavin and Amelia," he said smiling. He leaned forward again, wiped the sweat from her brow and kissed her forehead. As he pulled back and took in the image of his beautiful little family, he happily reflected upon these recent events in his life. Life was certainly not one for holding back on the surprises. And for that, he was more than satisfied.


	13. Things Fall Apart

**I've had this chapter bubbling up in my head for sometime – it's been partially written for quite a while. Sorry it took so long to finish up!**

**Reviews? Pretty please with sugar on top? :)**

**Disclaimer...yadda yadda yadda...**

* * *

><p><em>Things Fall Apart<em>

When the rains finally subsided, a man exited his tent in the forest and silently crept towards the path that ran next to the edge of the tree line. In the distance, he could hear several wolves baying in the moonlit night. He looked down at the missive in his hand, partially crumpled from the repeated folding and unfolding. Seeing no one on the path, he returned to the small campsite he had built for himself, obtaining a torch from his tent and lighting it in the burning embers of the smoldering fire. He carefully unfolded the note yet again, and holding the torch to light the words on the parchment, began to read it once more.

_Hawke and the abomination being assisted by Wardens in Ferelden. Purchased lot two years prior. Suspect they have now settled there. If you want your revenge, Vigil's Keep near Amaranthine will be a good place to seek the answers you need._

A year. A whole year had passed since Sebastian received the information of the whereabouts of Hawke and the _murderer_ she so desperately felt the need to protect. While he wished for his justice to be swift, he also had taken the time to prepare his army…to prepare himself. And lastly, to allow the two to become complacent in their lives. They would be off their guard once he finally tracked them down, and they wouldn't know what hit them.

His vengeance would be brutal – particularly on Anders. He had no hesitation to terrorize the man until the very end. Though he had not yet decided whether he wanted Hawke to suffer by watching him die, or enacting the reverse scenario. He had warned the woman that she would die for her decision to stand by the abomination the day he destroyed the only good that stood in Kirkwall, and the most selfless woman he had ever met, Grand Cleric Elthina. But while it would pain Hawke to watch Anders die before her, Sebastian had a suspicion that it would break the man even more to have to witness her death. His decision was made – Hawke would be the first to die. Though, he was starting to get ahead of himself, as he had not yet located the property that they had purchased. That was the reason why he had broken apart from his army to make camp along the road from Amaranthine to the Keep – he was waiting for someone to give him answers.

Confirming the daggers he carried were sheathed at his belt, he extinguished the torch and readied his bow. He quietly made his way back to the path and waited. He would have waited all night for someone to pass if he had to, yet luck was on his side that evening. In the distance, the sound of cracking twigs and dry leaves under soft footfalls could be heard – and were approaching his location. He slyly leaned up against a tree, waiting for the source of the steps to arrive.

"So's the Warden says it don't matter 'ow much it costs," a male voice said. "'e wants it, and 'e's gonna 'ave it."

"You're lyin'," a second male replied. "Them Wardens don't part with their coin so easy."

"I'se tellin' the truth, I is," the first voice stated. "Must 'ave been _some_ blade 'e was wantin'."

As the two men ambled by the tree Sebastian leaned upon, he stepped out into the pathway behind them without a sound, holding his bow loosely at his side.

"Pardon me, good sirs. Did I hear you mention the Grey Wardens?" he purred, causing both men to nearly jump out of their shoes as they spun to face the voice.

"Oye! 'Oo are you?" the first man cried out.

"Yeah, and what do ya want with the Wardens?" the second man said, attempting to be braver than he let on.

"Oh, I am an old friend of one of the Wardens that used to live at Vigil's Keep," he said. "I've lost touch with the poor man, and I'm desperate to get a message to him. I've heard that he and the lovely woman he travels with have taken up residence in the Bannorn. But the Bannorn is a very big place, and I am simply trying to make my journey a little easier. Could either of you two fine men help me?"

"Oh, the Healer?" the first man questioned. The second man immediately jabbed his elbow into the other's ribs, motioning to the bow that Sebastian carried.

"We don't know nothin' about no Warden and no…lovely woman in the Bannorn, sir," he said quickly, attempting to cover up the other's words.

"Oh, but I think you do," Sebastian snarled, pulling an arrow from the quiver on his back, and raising it to his bow. He aimed at the second man.

"Sir," the man said, shaking. "We don't know nothing. The Wardens could tell ya…" His words were interrupted by an arrow launching from Sebastian into his shoulder. He stumbled backwards, and the archer prepared a second arrow, this time aiming for the first man. Both men had turned away from him, and as the second ran into the trees, Sebastian loosed the next arrow, striking the first man in the ankle and pinning him to the path. He ignored the retreat of the second man and approached the injured man pinned to the ground slowly.

"Well, it would appear that your friend has no desire to protect you or your interests," he said. "So perhaps, in your _own_ best interest, you should tell me the information that I need to know."

"I…I…dunno what you want," the man said, trembling.

"Mmm, I don't like to hear that," Sebastian growled.

"But…" the man continued, "but ask me what you need to know. I'll 'elp ya if I can."

"That's more like it," he said. Placing his bow on the ground, he bent forward and reached to pull the arrow from the man's ankle. As he yanked the arrow out, the man cried out in pain and crumpled to the ground. Sebastian crouched down in front of the injured man, slowly and deliberately sliding one of his daggers out of the sheath at his belt. "So…what do you know about this healer?"

The man's eyes met those of Sebastian – he was terrified for his life. Stumbling over his words, he told the story of the arrival of Anders and Hawke at the Keep over three years prior. There was never anything official spoke of at the Keep regarding who the two were, or what they were doing, but the rumours spread like wildfire. The Warden Commander was helping the two to spite the Chantry…or the Commander was in love with the woman…or the Commander was forced at knife point to assist the two. Whatever the story was, the rumours persisted and were soon followed by the stories of the healer and the woman with their clinic in the Bannorn. They had even returned to the Keep during the cold season that year and were married. Sebastian scoffed at the news, and his stomach tingled at just how their relationship had progressed. He hated the fact that Anders had escaped his punishment for so long and was now _happy_ and married to Hawke.

Sebastian was satisfied with the story. "Now…tell me where I can find this…clinic," he said, with malice in his voice.

"I, uh…I…" the man stammered.

He drew his blade up to the man's throat, and grabbed the back of his head with the other hand. "Tell me," he demanded.

The man shuddered and spilled details on as precise of a location as he could. He had never been to the clinic himself; only heard of others who had visited and spoke of its location. But the description was good enough for Sebastian. He yanked the man's head to the side as he released him and rose to his feet. As he started to pick up his bow, he could hear the man shuffling around, trying to get to his feet. He clasped the bow to his back and turned around, looking curiously at the man. Without warning, he took several heavy steps towards the man in quick succession, grabbed him by the shoulder, driving the blade into the man's abdomen.

"The Wardens will regret having crossed Sebastian Vael," he growled into the man's ear, before pulling the blade out and letting the man collapse to his knees. Without a shred of emotion, save for anger, he reentered the forest and began to take down his camp. He knew where they were now – he would delay no further.

He made quick work of packing his tent, and began his hike towards the location of the small army he had been travelling through Ferelden with. Despite the size of the group, some thirty to forty men, they remained rather inconspicuous and received little to no resistance. His arrival at the camp was heralded by some of his soldiers' questioning glances. They could see the blood on his hand from when he killed the man who had given him the information, and he told them the story of what had transpired. The army was thirsty for the revenge their Prince was hopeful to obtain, and within the hour, the group began to take down the camp to move on. Sebastian however, was not satisfied to wait. He took a small group of his most trusted soldiers and began to head in the direction of the Bannorn…and the clinic that held his long-awaited destiny.

Shortly after setting out, the group encountered a pair of merchants. He ordered his soldiers to halt in order to confirm they were headed in the right direction. The merchants shifted nervously in front of him, looking between the blood on his hand, the bow at his back, and the area behind him where the other soldiers were standing.

"Pay no mind of my soldiers," Sebastian clucked proudly. "Provide us with what we need, and you will be on your way."

The two men glanced at each other warily and one of them nodded. "Do you require supplies?"

"No, only information," he replied.

He proceeded to describe the clinic to the merchants, and then asked if they were heading in the correct direction. Both of the merchants nodded slowly. They then stood and waited as Sebastian and his soldiers continued on. A short time later, when the group was out of sight, one of the merchants finally broke the silence in a hushed whisper.

"Who was he talking to?" he said. "The man is clearly mad!"

"I wasn't about to tell him he was alone," the other merchant chirped. "Did you see the blood on his hand? Probably from the last person who told him he was crazy…"

The merchants chuckled quietly and continued on their way, thankful to have dodged any trouble from the delusional archer. They were unaware of just how lucky they were, considering the fragile state of Sebastian's mind. He had obsessed over reaping his vengeance upon Hawke and Anders for so long that he had driven himself insane years before. He had returned to Starkhaven after the destruction of the Chantry in Kirkwall and began his attempt to reclaim the throne – and army – that he had almost given up on.

When the two mages had shown up with an army of their own, they had all but destroyed the troops that Sebastian had amassed to his side. The soldiers that remained were afraid of the man the prince had become. His mania for vengeance eventually alienated all those loyal to the crown from him, and he was driven out of Starkhaven shortly after the mage war ended. No one really knew what he planned or how he survived…or even how he continually received information – credible information – about the whereabouts of the mages once the war was over, but he continued to track their movements throughout Thedas. He had never managed to get close to them though, until these latest developments in Ferelden.

* * *

><p>Anders and Hawke were quite busy in the three years since the twins were born. The children ran their parents off their feet most days, but the two mages never complained. The past three years had been the happiest of years for both of them. By the age of three, the children had started to develop very different personalities; Gavin was very outgoing and loved meeting some of the children who accompanied their parents to the clinic. Amelia was much quieter, preferring to observe from a distance on her own, but was quite an adventurous child and a bit of a tomboy. The twins were always energetic though, and loved their parents dearly.<p>

Uncle Carver and Auntie Merrill visited from time to time, never forgetting to bring gifts for the children. They attempted to spoil the twins, where their parents tried to keep them humble and down to earth. Still, neither Hawke nor Anders minded that the children were fawned over; especially since neither were sure if her brother and Merrill would be able to have children of their own. The family had taken several trips to Vigil's Keep in the warm season, to visit with Nathaniel, Oghren and the other friends that they had made in the years since the war. Oghren was always a surprise when he was around the twins – they especially enjoyed his attention and were always in awe of his beard.

Whenever Grymm, Koehemar and Lafatria came back to the farm to assist with planting, they spent more and more time with the children than they did with planting. Again, the mages were never upset about that. They were more than happy to give themselves a break from the hectic times with the children. Gavin often played with the two elves, and Amelia always found herself standing next to Grymm, just staring up at the large man. He would look down at her, not saying a word, but making silly faces at her when no one was looking. She would giggle uncontrollably for hours.

On those quiet days when one of the others was visiting the family at the farm, Anders would sit under the fruiting tree and call for Hawke to join him. She would always nestle herself in between his legs on the ground as he wrapped his arms around her. Her head would fall gently into the crook of his neck and the two would sigh contentedly.

"Have I asked you today how I got so lucky?" Anders almost always asked.

"No," she would reply, "but I could ask you the same."

The two would stay in each other's arms, watching their children play in the fields. Life was perfect, and there was very little that could change that.

* * *

><p>Sebastian's 'group' agreed to make camp for the night in the early morning hours. As he drifted to sleep alone in his tent, the Fade overtook his dreams immediately. Unaware of his surroundings, he could see an individual in the distance and began to walk in their direction. As he neared the feminine figure, he felt a sense of peace wash over him.<p>

"Sebastian," a familiar voice said. He fell to his knees abruptly as he knew it to be that of Elthina. She walked towards him as he looked up at her from the ground.

"Grand Cleric Elthina," he cried out, bowing his head reverently and hiding the appearance of tears forming in his eyes.

"Rise Sebastian," she said softly. "And please…simply Elthina will suffice. Dry your tears child. There is no need for them here." She put her hand out before him, and he accepted it. He slowly rose to his feet and looked at her sadly.

"Elthina…I'm so sorry. I failed you."

"Nonsense, child," she replied. "There was no failure on your part. Just as there was no failure on the part of the mage."

His face contorted into something of disgust as he was mortified to hear the words.

"You cannot be seriously saying this to me," he said, verging on anger. "He _murdered_ you…and so many others. He destroyed all that is good and righteous."

"Come now, Sebastian," she said. "I have made my peace long ago over what transpired in Kirkwall. I should think you'd have done the same by now."

"There will be no peace until that abomination lies dead at my feet with his blood on my hands," he growled.

"There will never be peace through death Sebastian. I told you this time and time again. I had truly hoped you'd have learned that – especially after everything you went through with your family."

"You did not deserve to die," he said.

"The Maker called me home," she said. "My only regret was putting the mages into the position they were in."

Sebastian looked at her dumbfounded. He could not believe the words he was hearing. "Are you a demon? Sent to me in Elthina's form?"

"No Sebastian," she replied. "That you do not want to hear what I am telling you does not make me a demon."

He lowered his head sadly. "But he must pay for his crimes against the Chantry."

"Listen to yourself, my child," she said. "You sound exactly as you did when your family was murdered. You sought vengeance against those hired to commit the crimes, and against the family that hired them. And what was gained when those involved were killed? You regained nothing of your family…nothing of yourself. And now you again seek the same path towards self-destruction."

"It is a path I _must_ take Elthina," he said, slowly turning away from her.

"Sebastian…" she began.

"I am sorry," he replied without turning back to her. She watched sadly as he walked away from her. He would never be satisfied to let go of his hatred. For him, vengeance was the only answer.

* * *

><p>Three days after Sebastian and his 'party' set out from their camp near Vigil's Keep, he arrived near the site that he knew to be the homestead of those he hunted. He approached carefully, ensuring that he and his men would not be seen. He intended to observe the property for some time; to get a feel for those who were coming and going. He wanted to be able to see the abomination's face as he watched his wife take her last breath after being pierced by one of his arrows. His plan required that very few individuals would be at the property with the two mages, and was pleased when he could see that the clinic had been closed for the day.<p>

_A sign from the Maker that my path is righteous_, he immediately thought to himself. _My aim will be true and will do His work._

As he settled into the brush at the edge of the property, he could see no movement near the home. He was not concerned however; he had waited for so many years, he could wait as long as he had to in order to complete his mission. He motioned to the vision of one of his men, indicating that he should seek out the rest of his army in the Bannorn, where he had directed them to wait. When he turned back from the vision, he noticed a door at the side of the house had begun to open. Stepping out from the open door was a woman. He narrowed his eyes to get a better look at who the woman was – it was most definitely Hawke. He looked curiously at her, noting that while she certainly looked older, she in no way looked weathered from the years of leading a war against the templars…a war against _his_ Chantry. He squeezed his hands into fists and closed his eyes tightly, fighting back the urge to rush at the woman in the distance. As he loosened his hands and opened his eyes, he effortlessly found the bow at his back, pulling out several arrows from the quiver simultaneously.

As he readied himself to aim, he watched her silently. She was wiping her hands on a rag, looking into the distance at nothing in particular. Her crimson hair was pulled back from her face, a band holding it out of her eyes. She was still a small-framed woman, but seemed more muscular – likely from the life of a farmer, he deduced. It mattered not, he considered, for she would have the death of a criminal – a death she deserved for harbouring the abomination. For _loving_ the murderer.

Just as he drew the first arrow back across the bowstring, he heard her call something out. A name perhaps? He wasn't sure, but continued to aim the arrow. He breathed deeply and relaxed himself, aiming directly for her heart. At this distance, he was assured a quick death, yet not so quick that she would not know that vengeance had come for her.

Without warning, a blur of motion caught his attention from behind the house. It was…a child. A boy…of no more than three or maybe four years old. Her child? _Could it be?_ He continued to aim, but loosened his pull on the string. His head and heart conflicted over what he was seeing. She bent forward and the child ran directly into her arms. As she stood up with the child in her arms, Sebastian could see the little boy kiss the woman on the cheek and her face…changed completely. It became magical…illuminated. She was radiant and at that moment, he knew. He knew there was no other person that this child could be – he was the woman's son.

His hesitation extended further as he saw the door to the clinic open slowly. An angry tear formed in his eye as Anders emerged, also carrying a young child, but this one, a girl. Two children…the mages had two children? Nearly loosing the arrow and giving up his cover, he regained a grip on it as Anders and the young girl approached Hawke and the young boy. He leaned forward, kissing the woman gently. They exchanged several words that Sebastian could not hear, and then the children erupted into fits of laughter that he couldn't help but hear. He slumped forward, letting the arm holding the bow fall to his side, and the arrow drop to the ground. _Why? Why would the Maker allow these two evil murderers to have a family?_

A quiet rustling behind him stirred him from his wallowing, but he did not move from his place.

"Sebastian…" a voice called out weakly behind him.

He knew it. It was that of the Dalish girl he once called a companion. He slowly turned to face her, his arms still dangling loosely at his sides. As he met her eyes, he could see Hawke's brother glaring at him. Without a word, Carver rushed past the man towards the house to warn his sister and Anders that Sebastian has found them.

"Sebastian…what are you doing?" Merrill asked softly. She looked at him, a small frown settling on to her face. He was not the man he once was. His hair was ragged, and his face was covered with dirt and blood. The gleaming white and gold armour that he once wore was replaced by torn up pieces of unmatched clothing. It was more than evident that he was no longer of noble stature.

"Stay back, elf!" he called out to her. "My men will surround us shortly, and they will attack at my command!"

"You need to look around," she implored. "_Really_ look."

"Men, apprehend this woman," he demanded. When no one responded to his call, he turned to see that his men were not moving. And soon enough, they began to dissipate into the air surrounding them. They were visions. Had they been visions all along? Had he been leading…_no one?_

In that instant, he was back in Starkhaven, standing amongst his troops. The captain stood in front of him with a look on his face that displayed nothing but disappointment. He recalled the moment well for the first time in years, for it was the moment he was cast out of the city – his own city. They had all recognized that the vengeance he sought had driven him beyond reason. He was mad and a liability if allowed to remain within the city's borders. He was banished, never to return.

He shook his head violently. "No. No, not all this time!"

"Sebastian, you don't have to do this. Anders is not the same man he once was. You are not the same man you once were. You must learn to forgive him," Merrill said to him. "And you must learn to forgive yourself."

"No," he said. "He's a murderer." His voice was weakening quickly. It did not have the same anger within it that it once did.

"Elthina would never have wanted you to end up this way," she said quietly. "And she would not have wanted this vengeance carried out in her name."

As he knelt there, looking at her, he remembered the woman's words in the Fade. Nodding sadly, he broke eye contact with her, lowering his eyes to the ground. She approached him cautiously and carefully took the bow from his grip. Merrill could see Carver running towards the road. When the man who had escaped from Sebastian near Vigil's Keep days earlier had warned them of the man's questions regarding Hawke and Anders, the two immediately sent word to authorities to make their way to the homestead to prevent further bloodshed, and they had set off as well. She could not see if any of them had arrived, but Carver would handle seeking them out. The elf placed her small hand on Sebastian's shoulder. Her touch prompted tears to begin to fall on his face, and he quietly shrunk into a small form in front of her.

Short minutes later, Carver returned with the summoned soldiers. He directed them over to where Merrill was standing over the broken man on the ground. The men who had arrived all knew of the clinic and the work that both Anders and Hawke had done for the people of Ferelden. They were more than happy to assist the two mages; most willing to guard them to the death.

They apprehended Sebastian and placed the man in shackles, pulling him from his hiding place among the brush. The man sat on the ground, looking at his crossed legs in front of him, and certainly not trying to look towards any of those in attendance. Several of the guards spoke to Carver and Merrill nearby, trying to piece together what had transpired. Hawke cautiously approached, and when she recognized that he was bound, she requested that the guards would allow her some time alone with the ex-prince. They reluctantly agreed, and allowed her to approach him alone as they guarded from a short distance away.

"Sebastian," she said quietly. Her voice caused him to flinch uncontrollably. He refused to look in her direction. When he would not meet her eyes, she kneeled in front of him, forcing herself into his field of vision.

She looked at the sad sight of the man he had become, unsure of why she even wanted to have this time alone with him. He was more than broken, certainly not the proud prince he once was.

"Dear Sebastian…I am so sorry for what has befallen you," she said calmly. Her voice was soothing; despite the pain he felt when she spoke to him. "But I cannot apologize for what we did in Kirkwall that night. I cannot. There was no other way. And the mages deserved their freedom. We would have been slaughtered like caged animals, while the Chantry would have stood by and watched. I never could have allowed myself to remain complacent Sebastian. I wish you could understand. I know you can't, but I wish you could."

He looked up at her sadly, opening his mouth slightly as if to speak, but not being able to control it. She took his hands into hers and locked on to his eyes.

"I forgive you Sebastian. For everything that you've done or tried to do against myself…and against my family. I forgive you. Please…forgive yourself." He remains motionless; unsure of himself and of the past several years of his life. He spent so much energy on the vengeance that filled his heart – was he really so different from Anders?

"That's enough," one of the guards called to her, and she pulled back from Sebastian, nodding. As she stood, the guard approached her. "He'll likely be executed in Denerim for the murder he committed against a man in the employ of the Wardens."

"No," she said defiantly. "I beg mercy for him."

The guard looked incredulously at her. "This man was going to kill you!"

"His death will not bring anyone further peace," she said. "I implore you for his life."

The guard shrugged. "I cannot provide you any guarantees, but I will ensure the court considers your words. He will be incarcerated in Denerim until he is brought to trial. I'm sure they will regard highly the words of the woman he came to murder."

"Thank you," she said, nodding to the guard.

He approached Sebastian with another man, and the pulled him off of the ground to his feet. They began to pull him away towards a cart being pulled by a pair of horses. Hawke stood and watched as he was led away, frowning. She breathed a sigh, partially of relief, but mostly of sadness. He turned to look back at her.

"Hawke," he called out, "thank you." He had never considered that she would plead for his life when the time came. He looked towards the home again, and saw Anders standing on the large verandah. He was holding their daughter in one arm, and holding the hand of their son with his other. His face was troubled, yet concerned. As the eyes of the two men met, a sense of quiet understanding washed over Sebastian. Anders never hated him…never meant to destroy what he loved. But the man was forced into a corner so many years before, and when wild animals are cornered, their teeth are exposed. He also recognized that if the spirit was still within him, it was no longer in control. There was no flash of blue. No hint of the possession. Sebastian would never forget what Anders did; he might not have been able to forgive either. Yet, he was willing to consider that any man could be driven to such actions under the right circumstances.


	14. Past Come Back to Haunt

**My most sincere apologies for taking such a prolonged break in telling this story. The final chapter is on my laptop. My laptop is dead. In other words, until I can hook up that hard drive to retrieve the chapter, I won't be able to finish this story.**

**Therefore, I decided to add one or two or perhaps even three extra chapters than what I was planning. Is this a good idea? I suppose that'll be up to you, the reader. Your reviews will tell me if I'm making a mistake by adding to the story, but there are still a couple of things I could go through before this ends.**

**So after reading one of karebear's stories and briefly discussing why she felt she needed to write it, I decided in a roundabout way, Anders and Hawke needed to take this journey themselves.**

**Thanks again for reading…hope you enjoy…**

**[insert standard disclaimer here]**

* * *

><p><em>Past Come Back to Haunt<em>

"_It's something that I think I need to do…"_

Anders' words echoed in her head. And while she believed that she knew exactly why he felt the way he did, she worried that it would stir up long-dead emotions. Worse yet, she feared it would make the spirit restless once again.

He approached Hawke out of the blue, a few days prior to their twins' eleventh birthday.

"It's been twenty years you know," he said unexpectedly.

"Twenty years since…?" she asked.

"Since Kirkwall."

And he wanted to return.

Hawke could hardly believe twenty years had passed. Four years spent fighting a war against the templars. Five more years spent working towards restarting their lives…starting their family. And Gavin and Amelia were about to turn eleven. How did twenty years pass by without one noticing?

She looked into the mirror, examining the evidence of age that had crept in quicker than she realized. The subtle lines had begun to grow deeper, crinkling at her eyes and the corners of her mouth. Silver specks had given way to more strands of grey over her entire head. But the age never bothered her. She had lived a full life. In freedom. Something that she could only have wished for her father and sister to have experienced.

It was a good life. Never easy – there were always challenges. But as mages, they were free. Their children were free.

A frown tugged at her mouth for a moment. Twenty years since Kirkwall. That meant twenty eight years as a Grey Warden for Anders. He was coming to the end of his life. And despite all the fighting they did side by side against the many other obstacles and enemies throughout their life, there was no fighting this. No way to prevent the inevitable.

They never talked about it. She wasn't sure if they should. How does a person even start such a conversation?

"!"

_Sigh._

That blood curdling scream meant the twins were terrorizing each other again. It was a wonder the grey hair didn't completely cover her head. She sighed again and backed away from the mirror. As she opened the door to the bathing room, a small figure raced past it. It was Gavin, running as fast as he could after his sister Amelia.

"Children!" she cried out. "How many times have I had to tell you that you are _not_ to run through the house like this?"

She quickly placed a hand at her temple as both her children skidded to a halt.

"Mother!" Amelia protested. "I wouldn't be running if Gavin wasn't trying to shock me."

"But I wasn't!" Gavin began.

"I will hear none of this, boy!" Hawke scolded. "To your room, Gavin! And you will continue to write down on your parchment just why it is wrong to use your magic against your sister."

Amelia immediately stuck her tongue out at her brother. Now in arm's length of her mother's grip, Hawke reached out quickly and snatched the child's tongue between her fingers.

"And you missy," she began. "There will be _no_ sticking out of tongues in this house either. Go and fetch your father from the clinic for me. And then off to your room. I want you studying as soon as you are back."

Following a chorus of protests that Hawke ignored – much to her children's chagrin – they ran off in opposite directions. Satisfied with solving another sibling issue, for a time at least, she collapsed into the nearby lounge to wait for Anders to return to the home from the clinic. She looked out the front windows of the home, watching the leaves blow across her property in the winds of the early harvest season. Another winter would be coming soon. The children had been old enough to help gather the harvest for the past few years and enjoyed helping their parents with the work. It was never too difficult, and often Anders made it a game for them – whoever collected the most food by the end of the day got to spend some time learning new magic, or the recipe for a potion from him. That always motivated them to work very hard, and he always ended up teaching them both regardless.

Hawke smiled and closed her eyes. She reflected on just how wonderful of a father Anders had become. She was never sure before her pregnancy what he would be like, despite his being tender with her all throughout it. It was always the spirit in the back of his mind that was the uncertainty. Even with their agreement, she was never quite sure how long he would remain quiet.

The front door burst open as Amelia ran through it towards her room.

"Amelia! Running!"

The young girl's eyes widened as she slowed down to a walk. "Sorry mother!"

"Did you get your –" Hawke began to ask, but stopped as Anders came through the door, answering her unfinished question. Amelia picked up speed again causing her mother to shake her head and chuckle slightly. Anders approached her and leaned forward to place his hand upon her forehead.

"You look flushed. Is everything alright?" he asked.

"I'm fine," she replied. "Your children on the other hand…"

"Why are they always my children when they act up, but yours when they behave?" he wondered aloud.

"Because I would never produce children who act up," she replied.

"Ah, of course," he said with a smile. "Because you're so innocent." He lifted up her legs and slid down on the lounge next to her, lowering her legs on to his lap. One of his hands slipped between her knees, resting teasingly on her upper thigh.

"I dare say, it's the middle of the afternoon," she protested weakly.

"When has that stopped us before?" he asked, pulling her closer.

She placed a finger in his nose. "I _did_ have Amelia bring you in for a reason. It wasn't this. And we should certainly return to this, but perhaps when the children are asleep."

He smiled at her. "Of course, love. I'd wait a lifetime for you." As her face flushed once more, he continued. "So, what _did _you call me in here for?"

"Aside from needing some adult conversation, I've been giving your request some thought."

"Oh?" he said, raising an eyebrow.

"While I am nervous about returning there, I think it's important for the children to begin to learn some history first hand," she replied. "And I think it might be a bit cathartic for us. We've not returned since that day. Besides, you said it's something you think you need to do. And I could not let you do something like that alone."

He looked at Hawke somberly, reaching out to squeeze her hand. "Thank you. Your support means a lot…as it always has."

"Listen…Anders, I want to…apologize for something."

"Apologize? For what?" he questioned.

"I haven't been very easy to live with lately. I've been argumentative and I've fought you on a lot of things lately," she replied.

He shrugged. "I thought those were just the issues a normal relationship faced. To be honest, it keeps me grounded sometimes when we argue. Things can't be rosy and sweet all the time."

"No, I suppose not," she agreed. "But I'm being unfair about something. This whole…Kirkwall thing…it's reminded me of something that I've been trying to forget every day of my life."

His eyebrows furrowed in response, uncertain of what she was about to say.

"If it's been twenty years since we last set foot in Kirkwall, then it's been twenty eight years since you became a Grey Warden." She stopped, trying to judge his reaction.

"Ah."

"Maybe I shouldn't have brought this up," she said, regret filling her voice. She quickly swung her legs off of him and started to stand.

Anders stopped her from rising, placing a hand gently on her knee and bringing the other to cup her cheek. As he looked into her eyes, he tried to force a smile on to his face.

"This is…important. We need to discuss this."

She nodded in agreement.

"I have been wondering how to start this conversation myself, love," he continued. "We always knew the day would come when we had to face this."

"I know," she replied, stifling a gulp. "I have tried desperately to wish it away, but—"

"But you know it doesn't work that way," he said somberly. "My nightmares have become worse in recent years. I can hear them calling me more often than not now. I don't know how much longer I will be able to…stay with you."

"I want to be with you. At the end," she stated abruptly.

"No," he replied. "I cannot risk you with the darkspawn. I could never forgive myself if something happened to you…if I couldn't protect you. I cannot bring you to the end."

Hawke's lip quivered. And Anders saw it immediately. His reaction to embrace her in his arms caused her eyes that had begun to water to transition to flowing tears.

"Shhhh," he whispered into her hair. "At first, I never thought becoming a Grey Warden was worth gaining the small amount of freedom I was granted. I never thought that until I met you. Until I was able to share my life with you. I have no regrets now."

She shuddered in his arms. "We fought so hard, Anders. We fought so hard against everything. You can't tell me there isn't a way that we can fight this too."

"There isn't," he replied. "There isn't a way to prevent this from happening. The corruption is eventually going to claim me. But it gave me time with you and our children. Without it, I'd have been stuck in a Circle. Or tranquil. Or dead long ago. And where would you have been? It doesn't bear thinking of."

"I know you're right," she sobbed quietly. "But it's…it's too soon." Her hands gripped at the back of his light tunic, as if holding on to him would prevent his fate.

"Things like this will always be too soon," he replied. He pulled back to look into her eyes again. "What are we going to tell the children?"

Hawke's expression drooped even further. "I had never even considered that. I…I don't know…"

"It's okay, love. There's still time," he replied. "We still have time."

She nodded and blinked away her tears.

"But for now, we'll have a journey to plan to keep our mind off of less pleasant things," he offered.

She attempted a smile. "Yes, there is that. I'm sure Gavin and Amelia will be more than pleased to hear of such an adventure. It will be their first trip outside of Ferelden. They've never been on a boat before. Are you really sure you want to do this?"

He nodded. "Very much so. And I'm glad that you feel the children should be there as well. Their heritage is…not fully clear to them yet. I don't believe they truly understand who their mother and father were in a past life."

"We did get up to things, didn't we?" she said slyly. Anders was glad for the small injection of lightheartedness back into the conversation once again. The subject of his impending death – no matter how far off – was not at all an easy one to broach.

"We certainly did. I'm still not sure about forgiving you about dragging me down into the Deep Roads with you," he said.

"I couldn't have forgiven myself if I _didn__'__t_ drag you down there. Poor Carver would have been lost to the darkspawn forever," she said, frowning.

"All right. I admit it was a good idea to have me along down there." Anders looked down at his hand as he felt Hawke's fingers lace through his. He rubbed his thumb along her hand. "Although Carver would never admit to that."

She looked at him and smiled widely; she knew full well of Carver's idiosyncrasies when it came to admitting that he wouldn't have been able to survive a situation on his own or just simply their lifelong rivalry. She had to admit – that rivalry had certainly waned.

As the two sat on the lounge, they succumbed to the silence that had enveloped them. The words that had been spoken between them were enough. They would continue when they had to. When the time was right…

* * *

><p>"Poppa, how much further?" Gavin whined. "This boat is making me feel really sick again."<p>

Anders looked down at his son's insistent pout. It was a look he knew all too well. He had certainly inherited that from his mother. And the man had given into that look on more than a few occasions; to both his wife _and_ son. He reached down and ruffled the boy's blond hair, exposing tinges of red in the sunlight.

"Did you drink the mixture I gave you this morning?" Anders asked him. "I told you that it would help the queasy feeling."

Gavin's lip drooped further towards his chin as his small pale face scrunched up into a scowl. "But it tastes _sooooo_ bad, poppa!"

"Do you know what will taste worse, Gavin?" he asked the boy seriously. After he pouted and shook his head quickly, Anders continued. "If you are sick to your stomach, _that_ will taste worse."

"Eww!"

He smiled as Gavin ran towards the belly of the boat where he left the potion. Anders watched him go, and noticed Hawke standing at the stern of the boat with Amelia. Their daughter was pulling at Hawke's coat, trying desperately to get her attention. He could see that she was playing with the girl; fully aware that she was there, but ignoring her. It was Hawke's favourite game to play.

"What a strange insect must be flitting around me," she said.

"Mother!" Amelia insisted. "It's me! I'm not a bug!"

"Did I hear something? Is the bug talking to me?"

Anders chuckled as he listened to his daughter trying to get the woman's full attention. Eventually she gave in and Hawke scooped the girl up into her arms. Her dark blonde hair blew into her mother's face as salt-watered wind blew across the deck. As the two spun around, Amelia spotted her father and waved. Anders waved back and the girl dropped out of her mother's arms immediately. She ran over to where he stood and grabbed his arm, pulling him over to where Hawke was standing.

Hawke leaned against the rail, watching the young girl drag Anders towards her. She couldn't help but laugh at the sight as he dragged his heels, making it difficult for the girl to escort him.

"Come on poppa," she cried out. "Mother is lonely and wants a kiss!"

"Our little matchmaker," he said when they finally reached where Hawke was standing.

"But _you_ must give her a kiss," Amelia reasoned. "Or else one of those men over there will." She pointed towards a few of the deckhands that were clustered mid-ship. Hawke looked at her and the two simultaneously pointed their fingers towards their open mouths and made retching noises.

"They are icky, poppa!"

"Yes, please love," Hawke began. "Save me from the fate of having to receive a kiss from the icky deckhands."

"But what about you Amelia?" Anders asked. "Won't you have to give the icky deckhands a kiss?"

"No, poppa," she replied matter-of-factly. "You will have to give me a kiss too."

He bent forward quickly and kissed the girl on her cheek.

"Phew! Safe!" she exclaimed. "Now mother's turn!"

He leaned in for a peck on Hawke's cheek.

"No, poppa. That's not right. You have to give mother a real kiss," Amelia scolded.

Hawke raised an eyebrow and looked at Anders, trying to stifle an outburst of laughter. She placed her hands on her hips. "Yes, poppa. A real kiss."

Anders smirked. He slowly cupped her face and stepped closer to her, softly placing his lips upon hers. Hawke closed her eyes and relished the moment – it had been awhile since they had kissed like this. She was pleasantly surprised that for once, one of her children was the cause of such romance, rather than what prevented it.

"Ew!" came a cry from behind Anders. Gavin had returned from retrieving his potion.

"It's not ew, Gav! It's roooomaaaantiiiic," Amelia replied melodically.

"Meli, you're a gross girl. Of course you like that stuff," he countered.

Anders slowly pulled away from the kiss and looked down at Gavin. "When you're older, you won't be able to get _enough_ of this stuff."

"Never, poppa! I'm never kissing a girl!"

"Hey!" protested Hawke. "What about me?"

"You're not a girl, mother."

Hawke shrugged at Anders. "Of course not…what was I thinking?"

Gavin tugged at the sleeve of Anders' coat. It thankfully in no way resembled the coat he once wore in Kirkwall. Hawke had breathed a sigh of relief when he finally folded that coat up many years prior, placing it at the bottom of a chest along with other items that reminded them of their revolution. It was an important part of their lives, but did not always need to be there as a reminder. For they would never forget.

As Anders looked down at his son, the boy crossed his arms. "You never told me how much longer, poppa."

"Hmm," he replied. "Let's see." He looked out from the boat in the direction they sailed. In the very far distance, he could barely make out the silhouette of the shoreline – but there it was. "Look Gavin. That's where we're headed. If the weather holds, we should make it there before the sun sets."

Gavin looked in the direction his father pointed and smiled. He clapped his hands excitedly.

"I've had enough of this boat. Do we have to take a boat home?" he asked.

"Of course we do, Gav," Amelia chimed in. "What are we going to do? Fly?"

"We once knew someone who could fly, you know," Anders said. "Perhaps your mother could tell you the story."

The children excitedly looked towards their mother, and the four settled in for a long story telling session, followed by what was sure to be hundreds of questions from their eager children.

The time passed slowly, but with each hour that came and went, their boat was closer and closer to the shoreline. Just as Anders had predicted, they reached the docks at Kirkwall shortly before the sun was about to set.

Hawke assisted the children off of the boat, and Anders recruited the help of some deckhands to retrieve their belongings. He handed their items to the men waiting on the dock and eventually disembarked from the ship. Standing upon stable ground at last, he looked up at the looming Gallows across the water behind them. His knees weakened and nearly collapsed under him.

"Poppa, what's wrong?" Amelia cried out, rushing to her father's side.

"Nothing, love. Just a little unstable from being on the sea," he replied quickly.

Hawke knew better. She caught his eye, concern upon her face. He nodded at her. Their words unspoken confirmed he hadn't been ready to see the prison that had once enslaved so many mages…some he helped escape. Others – like Karl – that he couldn't. Securing their belongings in one arm, Hawke approached him and grabbed his hand tightly.

"You can do this," she said, looking at him.

He took a deep breath and nodded slowly.

The two and their children put one foot in front of the other and began the long walk up the stone steps into Kirkwall proper.

* * *

><p>"I may need to do this on my own."<p>

"Anders, are you sure that's a good idea?" Hawke asked.

"Yes," he replied. "Well, no." A pause. "To be honest, I don't know."

"We don't have to bring the children quite yet. There's time for you to do this without them," she said. "But I think…I think I need to go as well."

"Really?"

"You aren't the only one who has some unresolved issues. I need to do this for myself too," she said. "And besides…someone needs to be there with you. You can't do this alone."

"I can do this alone," he said.

"I don't want you to do this alone."

"Ah." He looked at her and smiled weakly. "Thank you."

She nodded. "Aveline sent word that she would bring the children to her home to spend some time with Hyacinthe and her younger sister Melodie. We can go then."

Anders agreed.

After several hours, Hawke and Anders visited with Aveline and Donnic, as their children ran about, with Hyacinthe, the oldest, attempting to keep them all in line. She had certainly inherited her mother's sternness, evident in the way the girl kept sitting the children down to instruct them on their behaviour.

"I suspect that you'll need to be off soon," Aveline said. "Not that we're pushing you out the door. But, you did say you wanted to…"

She trailed off, looking at Anders for confirmation.

"Yes," he replied. "We should go. Before I change my mind."

As Hawke got to her feet, Aveline also stood.

"It will be strange for you," she said. "It was strange for us. It still is."

Hawke nodded and smiled at her friend. "Thank you for watching them, Aveline."

"Of course," she replied. "Take your time. Whenever you return, they will be here. So take all the time you need for this."

* * *

><p>The two had avoided the former Chantry site since they had arrived in the city the day before. Even as they headed towards the site, the slow deliberate pace did not take them the most direct route they could find.<p>

They reached the base of the steps towards the site. Anders stopped, pulling back Hawke.

"Are you okay?" she asked, concerned.

"I just... I need to breathe."

She could feel his hand trembling within hers. He stood, his eyes locked on the spot where the Chantry once stood.

"You can do this."

And so, they ascended.

When they reached the top, their eyes fell upon a large garden. A large fountain stood in the centre of it all. There were grand works of art, dedicated to those who had died that day twenty years ago.

Twenty years. Hawke wasn't certain what she'd find when they arrived. She didn't know why she expected that a new Chantry would have been rebuilt – bigger and better than the first. She didn't know of the clean up efforts while she and Anders were fighting their war. She didn't know just how long it took for people to decide that the site was best left as a memorial to what happened.

As she stood there, taking everything she saw in, she heard Anders sharply inhale. She squeezed his hand gently, and he finally let it go. He took several steps ahead of her into the garden. She stood there as he motioned for her to stay.

He slowly walked towards the back of the garden. Hawke watched as his figure became smaller and smaller. He finally stopped at one of the farthest points from the steps. A large statue of a figure stood in that place – it was of Elthina. She didn't have to see it from a short distance to know that's who it would be. After all, it's where the woman was often found when she was in the Chantry. Standing atop her raised platform where she would deliver her sermons. Hawke could only assume it's where she died that day as well.

Anders fell to his knees and lowered his head. She began to walk towards where he kneeled, but recognized his need for the time alone, and so she stopped before getting too close and lowered herself to sit on a nearby bench. She continued to look around, amazed by the beauty that had overtaken the site where so many had died; where so much destruction had been wrought. Closing her eyes, she reflected upon what she had been a part of, and the decisions she made. She wondered what the people of Kirkwall would have thought about her being there, had they only recognized who she and Anders were.

She felt Anders slump heavily on to the bench next to her after some time had passed. She opened her eyes and looked over at him. He stared straight ahead. Neither said a word.

After several moments, he spoke.

"I asked her for forgiveness."

Hawke turned to look at him once more.

"Elthina, I mean."

She placed her hand a top his hand on his knee.

"I'm not sure if she has granted it to me, but…but I don't feel…the weight. The guilt that I have carried with me for so long. It's…dissipated. Replaced by a feeling of…peace."

She embraced him, though he did not move when she did.

"Thank you for coming with me," he finally said, breaking their silence. "I was wrong in believing I could have ever done this alone."

"I'll always be here for you," she replied, pulling away from him. She had never realized that he had never forgiven himself for what he did. He couldn't until he knew that he had been forgiven. If returning to this spot, even after twenty years could allow him to do so, she'd have traveled the world over to have made sure it happened. "Do you think you can return with the children? Perhaps tomorrow?"

He nodded. "I think I can now. So long as you're there."

"Always."


	15. Children of the Revolution

**Warning: There is a lot of hugging going on in this chapter. ;)**

**It's short, but hopefully covers a few crucial discussions I've wanted the family to cover.**

**As always, reviews are loved and appreciated.**

**[insert standard disclaimer here]**

* * *

><p><em>Children of the Revolution<em>

Anders and his wife could not have asked for more well-behaved children on the day they decided to return to the memorial gardens at the former site of the Chantry in Kirkwall. The family had been so caught up with visiting old friends and exploring the city and how it had changed in the past twenty years that they pushed their return to the site off for a few days. Four days after Hawke and Anders had made peace with themselves in the gardens, he woke up in the room at the inn they were staying at and felt convinced that he could return once more.

Still under the covers, he could see that Hawke and the children were still sleeping. He moved closer to her and began to gently run his fingers through the length of her hair. For several moments, all was quiet save for whispered breathing. Then, a sigh. She stirred, rolling over and opening her eyes slowly.

"Good morning," he murmured with a smile.

"Mmm," she mumbled. "Don't stop."

"Brushing through your hair?"

She nodded, half dazed. "It's a lovely way to meet the morning light."

He leaned towards her, kissing her softly on the forehead. His hand returned to her head, collecting the stray strands that had accumulated in front of her ear. He brushed them back and continued to run his fingers through her hair.

"I…think I feel ready to return," he said with a slight hint of confidence in his voice.

"To the Chantry site, you mean?" she asked – though she knew the answer.

He nodded. "I think the children need to know. We can't keep them in the dark forever."

"Of course not love, but we can wait a little longer if you wish," she replied.

"No," he said, shaking his head. "It's time."

She offered up a weak smile and brought her hand up to place upon his. He pulled her into his arms and held her tight. They lay together for a short while longer until their children woke with a sudden burst of energy. Smiling at each other, they rose and prepared themselves for the day ahead.

* * *

><p>"This garden is beautiful, mother," Amelia said in wonderment. "I don't think I've ever seen a garden so big."<p>

"Nor have I," she replied to her daughter. "This is a memorial garden."

"A memorial garden?" Gavin questioned. "What's that?"

"It's a garden that is planted to remember a person…or an event. It's a tribute."

"Oh," he replied. He spent a few seconds deep in thought, before looking back up at his parents who walked between him and his sister. "So what's this one planted to remember?"

Anders stopped and breathed a deep sigh. "Well, it is a long story. Would you like to sit down over there to hear it?" he asked, motioning towards a secluded sitting area surrounded by shrubs and flowers.

The children both nodded and began to pull their parents towards the benches. When they were all seated, Hawke looked over at Anders. He was becoming visibly nervous about what they were about to discuss. Seeing his discomfort, she placed her hand upon his and squeezed it.

"We told you that your father and I used to live here. We both left Ferelden around the same time and ended up here," she began.

"It's where you met poppa, right?" Amelia squeaked.

"That's right," Anders cut in and smiled wistfully. "I'll never forget the day she walked into my clinic. She was there with Uncle Carver, Varric and Aveline."

"Wow," Gavin said. "You've known each other for a long, long time."

Anders smiled and continued. "They've been good to us over the years too. But that's a story for another time. When your mother came into my clinic, she was looking for my help to get into the Deep Roads with some friends of hers. And she knew that I was her best chance of finding a safe way through."

"Because you're a Grey Warden, right poppa?" Gavin said excitedly. He was always fond of the Wardens considering he knew so many of them.

He nodded.

"But why would you want to go into the Deep Roads?" Amelia asked her mother. "Aren't they dark and scary?"

"Oh yes, of course they are," she replied. "But I had some friends that were planning to go into them in search of treasure. And I wanted to make sure that we would all be safe. So I found your father in his clinic. It wasn't too long after that when I found out about a secret he had. One he hadn't told anyone."

The twins perked up at the word 'secret'.

"When I was a Grey Warden at Vigil's Keep, I met a friend. He was…a spirit. A spirit from the Fade," Anders said.

"But poppa, you said that _demons_ come from the Fade," Amelia pointed out.

"Yes," he replied. "They do. But there are also good, kind spirits. And this spirit had somehow managed to find himself in the body of a human outside of the Fade. He was the spirit of Justice. And he only ever wanted to ensure that the world was right and just and good. But eventually, he could no longer stay in the human body he inhabited. He needed help. So I told him that he could…share mine."

Both Amelia and Gavin's eyes were wide. They didn't fully understand what their father was talking about, but were not about to interrupt his story.

"And so, he became a part of me and I had the spirit of Justice living inside of me. Now, back then, you have to understand that being a mage wasn't like how it is now. When a person was discovered to have magical abilities, they were taken to a place called the Circle. The Chantry—" he paused to ensure they recognized what he referred to "—used special soldiers called templars to guard the mages in the Circle. Little children even as young as both of you were taken from their families to live at the Circle. They weren't allowed to be free…just because they were mages."

"That's so sad, poppa," Amelia said quietly.

"It was sad, Amelia," Hawke interjected. "Not all mages were lucky to have a family that was willing to live in hiding to protect them. Your grandmother and Uncle Carver gave up a lot to protect me, your Aunt Bethany and grandfather. We didn't always live in the same place for a long time. If we worried that someone might have thought one of us was a mage, we had to move somewhere else."

"So by the time your mother came to Kirkwall, I had become very unhappy with how the mages were being treated. In fact, I had escaped the Circle in Ferelden many, many times. And Justice was also unhappy about it. We tried to help rescue the mages from the Circle here in Kirkwall, but it was never enough. So…" Anders stopped, finding it hard to continue. He felt her squeeze his hand again.

"This site here used to be a big Chantry," Hawke said, taking over for him. "We asked the members of the Chantry over and over again to help the mages. To at least loosen the restrictions on them, if not free them completely. But they never helped. They didn't leave much of a choice for us. We could not stand by without doing anything anymore. We did something that changed the world."

The children were still riveted to the story that their parents told them, hanging on to every word.

"What did you do?" Gavin finally asked after a few moments of silence.

"We…" Hawke began.

"I destroyed the Chantry," Anders interrupted.

"What?" Amelia exclaimed. "What do you mean?"

"It was a dangerous and scary time, Amelia," Hawke replied. "It was something that forced everyone to pay attention to the bad things that had been happening to the mages for so long. And they _did_ pay attention. Everyone did. Even the templars began to doubt what they were doing was right."

Amelia shifted nervously and looked at her father with suspicious eyes.

"Poppa…why…why did you do that? Did you hurt people?" she asked quietly.

He got up from the bench and knelt down in front of her carefully. "Amelia…I know this is difficult for you to hear. And yes, people did get hurt. And for that I have lived many sad years. But I never wanted your mother to have to go through what I went through in the Circle. In fact, if she had ever been caught by the templars…they would have hurt her very badly. I wanted to live in a world where a person was not put into a prison just for being who they were. You and your brother live free because of the struggle we began. And I wish with all my heart that we could have done things differently, but I know that there could not have been any other way."

His voice cracked as he tried to explain his actions so many years prior to his daughter. Her reaction was just as he feared – she was worried, concerned that her father was not really the loving man she knew. Though, she was torn. He was certainly remorseful about it – she could see it in his eyes. He lowered his head and closed his eyes. Hawke bit her lip, hopeful that her children could accept what had happened and forgive their parents.

Several long moments passed. Amelia stood up in front of him and wrapped her small arms around her father's neck.

"It's okay, poppa," she whispered. "I believe you."

Her words nearly crippled him. He shook in her tiny embrace and wrapped his arms back around her.

"I believe you too, poppa," Gavin added. "I don't think I would have liked living in a Circle."

Anders opened his arms and reached for Gavin. He jumped up from the bench and joined the embrace. The man looked up at Hawke, his eyes glistening with fresh tears. The acceptance from his children meant the world to him. Even more weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

As he let go of the twins, they both sat back down on the bench.

"So what happened after that?" Gavin asked.

"There was a long war," Anders replied. "Your mother and I traveled all over Thedas to free the mages from the Circles and the templars. We fought in many places, but in some, the templars didn't fight back. They just let the mages go."

"That's good then, right?" Amelia suggested.

"That's very good," Hawke said. "Because it meant they accepted what we were fighting for was the right thing to do."

"Wow, Meli," Gavin said. "Our parents did some really crazy things when they were young."

She beamed proudly back. "Yup. And now we don't have to be locked away because we're mages."

Hawke smiled at both of her children.

Gavin turned back to his father and squinted as he eyed him. "Is…it still in there?"

"The spirit?" Anders asked.

Gavin nodded.

"Yes," he replied. "Though he is quiet now. It would seem that your mother was able to come to an agreement with him."

"Hmm. Okay," Gavin said. He seemed satisfied enough with the answer.

Hawke shifted on the bench.

"There is one more thing we want to talk to you about," she said.

Anders placed a hand on her arm. "Perhaps that can wait for later."

She nodded. "Okay…if you're sure. Go ahead and explore the garden. Your father and I will wait here for you."

The two children walked from statue to statue, reading some of the plaques that had been erected in front of them. As they investigated the grounds, their parents sat on the bench quietly together.

"That was very brave," she said.

"It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do," he replied. "I didn't think Amelia was going to be able to understand."

"She's a smart girl, love," she said. "She understands the implications of the alternative…had we stood by and done nothing."

"I know," he said, nodding. "But…how do you accept that your father is a murderer?"

"They were different times, Anders. And anyway, you're not the only one who's killed their share. Regardless, now that we've broached the subject, we can talk about it more in the future. They'll have more questions, no doubt."

"So true," he replied, smiling as he considered the curiosity of his children.

"Don't worry," she reassured him. "They'll be okay. Perhaps one day they'll even look upon you as a hero. After all, you freed them."

"_We_ freed them," he reminded her.

She smiled at him.

"We did."

* * *

><p>Long hours stretched between the visit to the former Chantry grounds and the quiet evening Hawke had hoped to spend with her family. She had made arrangements to bring some dinner to their room from the tavern on site, and had also spent some time preparing her own contributions to the meal. When they lived in Kirkwall, she never fully appreciated the proximity to the markets and vendors that dotted the city. Having lived in the Bannorn for so long, she quickly became used to having to travel for at least a day to a market or wait for a traveling merchant to happen upon their homestead. Being able to merely drop by the stalls in Hightown and Lowtown to peruse the sellers' wares was truly a treat.<p>

When dinner had ended, Gavin and Amelia hurried outside to meet with Aveline's girls for some playtime under the watchful eye of Anders. As they left, Hawke smiled to herself. How amazing that the revolution that she and Anders had led now meant that her family – a family of four mages – was able to rent a room at an inn without worrying about a band of templars swooping in to lead them off in chains. That her children could run off and play in the streets with other children. That she could even _have_ her children with her. The change they forced happened much quicker than she could have even dreamed. Quicker than Anders had foreshadowed as they stood in the Gallows courtyard so many years before, readying themselves for a battle against the crazed woman who led the Templar Order in Kirkwall. She was thankful for the fact that no tributes were left for Meredith – hardly a soul in the city remembered her, let alone spoke of her. Her madness had passed on through the long years and was forgotten.

But not by all.

Hawke and Anders and those who fought at their side would never forget that night.

As she cleaned up the last of the dishes from their meal, she felt a warmth from behind her; a chin landing on her shoulder before arms wrapped around her waist.

"I'd have come in earlier to help, had I known you'd have been cleaning up so soon," Anders said into her ear.

"It's no trouble," she replied. "Besides, I know you still have your worries about this city. But I think that the kids are actually quite safe to play out there. At least, much safer than when you and I lived here."

She wrapped her arms over his as they held her close.

"You're right," he agreed. "Besides, Hyacinthe is old enough to keep them all under control."

He loosened his grip on her and she turned to face him.

"Quite an eye opening trip this has been, don't you think?" she asked.

He nodded. "I'm glad we decided to do this. Finally."

"It's been good for you. I can tell," she said. "You've been sleeping better."

"Surprisingly," he replied.

She looked at him, questioning his response without a word.

"The dreams," he said. "They've been worse…yet…some nights I don't have them at all. I don't understand what it means. There have rarely been times since becoming a Warden where I haven't dreamed…_some_thing. And now that I'm nearing…well, I just expected at this point in my life that the dreams would be incessant. Nonstop."

"Hmm. Perhaps this is something to take hope from?" she suggested.

"I'd rather not be too hopeful over it…especially since I really don't know what it means. I've never heard of other Wardens having this happen to them. It's always worse…towards the end," he said sullenly.

"Listen, Anders," she replied, taking his hands into her own. "I don't plan on living with worry. We will live as always…happy and for the present. We need to let the past go and to stop worrying about the future too."

"I…I'm not sure if I can do that. It's hard to know that you…and the children—" he started.

"Hush," she advised. "Do not worry about us. We will…we will have to carry on. That's just the way it's going to have to be."

She bit her lip – and he noticed. He pulled her close once again and they held each other in silence. After all, there was no way around it. The corruption in him was spreading – they had no idea how fast, but it was inevitable that he would one day no longer be there for his family.

They would have to tell the children. They could no longer wait. It would have to be that night.

* * *

><p>As dusk settled over Kirkwall, Donnic arrived at the inn to collect his children from their playmates. He thanked Hawke and Anders for keeping an eye on them, though she admitted Hyacinthe was doing most of the work in that regard. The children said their goodbyes and Anders ushered his children back inside for the evening. When they arrived at their room, Hawke suggested they all sit down so they could discuss Anders' life as a Grey Warden – and what that meant for their children.<p>

Amelia was the first to speak.

"Is this what you wanted to talk to us about in the morning?"

Anders nodded. "Yes. We think that you're old enough to know what we're going to talk about."

Both of the children looked at him curiously.

"You see," he continued, "when a person becomes a Grey Warden, it's not just a title that is given to them, like an Arl or a King. They become a Grey Warden because they take something into them…that changes them."

"Poppa, is this another spirit?" Gavin asked.

"No, no…it's not anything like that," Anders said. "It is a very guarded practice, so I can't tell you too much about it. To be honest, I'm breaking the rules a little by telling you this next part too, but you're my family and you should know this. When I became a Grey Warden, I discovered that the changes I would go through would mean I would not…live as long as a normal person would."

"Are you going to die?" Amelia exclaimed. Her expression said everything. She was scared for her father.

"It's a bit complicated," Anders replied. "You know that the Wardens fight darkspawn, right?"

The twins nodded slowly.

"Well, in order to be able to hunt them, they have to take in part of the corruption that makes them what they are. And the corruption becomes stronger the longer they live. I have nightmares, and they'll eventually become so strong, that I won't be able to do anything else but seek out the Deep Roads. I'll go there to fight the darkspawn until they claim me."

There was an awkward stillness when he stopped speaking. The children looked at their feet, unsure of what to say. Hawke was also silent. How could she reassure her children that they still had time with their father…that everything would be all right?

"When do you have to leave?" Gavin asked in a very small voice.

Anders gulped. "I…I'm not sure. It could be in a couple of years. But no one really knows when it's their time."

After another few moments of silence, Hawke spoke.

"Do you have anything you want to ask us? We don't want you to be afraid to ask questions. Or to tell us your feelings," she said.

"It's not fair," Amelia suddenly blurted out.

"No," her mother replied, "it's not. Unfortunately we cannot change what will happen."

The young girl pouted; her eyes watering.

"But," Hawke continued, "what we _can_ do is make sure that we don't miss out on anything. It is both of your jobs to live just as you always have. We still have so many experiences to share with your father!"

"No one is allowed to be mopey on account of this news," Anders said with a weak smile. "Come here, you two."

Gavin hopped up on to his feet and approached his father. Amelia was much more reluctant. She slowly rose and shuffled in front of him. Anders stuck his finger out and poked her in the belly. She flinched and through her pout, a flicker of a smile seemed to shine through.

"Ah, see? There's my girl," Anders said. He pulled both of the children close and held them tight. "It'll be all right," he whispered into their ears.

And for a moment, he almost believed it.

* * *

><p>The journey back home from Kirkwall was a long one. While Gavin seemed to take the news of his father's reduced life span rather well, Amelia had a much harder time adjusting. She was moody and began to misbehave. Hawke certainly understood the behavior – despite being much older when her own father had passed, she still felt as though the time had been stolen from her. She imagined that's exactly what her daughter was starting to believe.<p>

Perhaps the girl just needed some time.

And a return to normalcy.

When they arrived home, Anders held off reopening the clinic for a short time. He suggested to Hawke that they begin to look to hire someone to help at the clinic. It was the first of many changes he wished to make in order to spend more time with Gavin and Amelia. He wanted nothing more than to cherish every last moment with them. And with her. The woman who never gave up on him. Always supported him. Loved him…unconditionally.

He watched her daily. She tried to live the way that she told him she would in Kirkwall – in the moment and happy and not worried about the past or what the future held. But it was becoming more difficult. Despite Anders' nightmares being far less frequent than he expected, he could see the toll it was taking on her. Every night that he would awaken from some horrific vision, drenched with sweat and cold from fear, she was at his side, trying to be brave for him. Trying to be brave for herself and their children. She was not ready for him to go. She would never be ready.

Hawke was becoming emptier as the days went by – always wondering when it would be time. When she and her children would have to say goodbye to him.

It was difficult for Anders to do anything to help her. But every so often, he would approach her. Wherever she was, he would approach her and simply wrap his arms around her, providing the comfort that no words could ever provide.

It was at those times that she would be reassured. That she would start to believe again that things would be all right. At least for a little while.

"Will you still be with me tomorrow Anders?"

"Yes love. I'll be with you tomorrow."

One day, there would be a different answer. One day, she would have to face reality.

One day, she would have to say goodbye.


	16. The Tree at the End of the World

**You might remember how this journey started…Hawke and Anders, standing somewhere in the dark in each other's arms – reflecting back upon the lives that brought them to where they now stood. (Speaking of which, I have commissioned a lovely artist to bring that scene to life…I'll let you all know when it's done!)**

**And so it is with a heavy heart (albeit, a satisfied one) that I have come to the end of this story. I wrote much of this chapter months ago, and then put it off indefinitely. I really didn't want to give up on it, but to be honest, if I dragged it out with so many other chapters, it wouldn't have been as meaningful to me. Ultimately, I had planned to write another version of what would have happened after Family Matters, but I love this one so much that I just can't do it now. It would be way too painful!**

**Between Family Matters and Reflections, I have fallen in love with Anders all over again, and I hope that my readers have enjoyed it. I've appreciated all the comments, faves and alerts that you guys have given to me. I've been doing a lot more writing in the world of Skyrim these days, but Dragon Age will always be my first love, and I'll always come back to it.**

**Thanks again for sharing this journey with me…**

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><p><em>The Tree at the End of the World<em>

It took Anders several days to work up the courage to tell her. And she had been preparing to hear those words since she fell in love with him so many years ago.

_It's time, my love…_

Her eyes had filled with tears then, as she nodded in response. She knew it was so close – even without him telling her. They'd not had restful sleep for months. The nightmares that plagued Anders had finally begun to overwhelm him. The reprieve he'd experienced from them for many years had finally given way, and he could no longer deny the call.

"You will not leave me behind as you go," she told him. "I may not follow you into the Deep Roads, but I will make the journey there with you."

He hesitantly agreed. But how could he deny her request? After all, she'd spent half of her life defending him, almost to death. He also had to admit that it comforted him…knowing she'd be by his side at least as far as she should be able to go. Truth be told, he was terrified of what awaited him. He'd fought darkspawn before. He'd been injured by them. But _death_…death was something else. What would it feel like to experience his last breath as it released from his body? What kind of overwhelming sensations would he be subject to? He closed his eyes, not wanting to think about it.

Anders considered himself fortunate that he lived as long as he had. He could only suspect that he had Justice to thank for that. For so long, Justice had taken over his sleep; preventing him from his dreams and from hearing the call; the ever present song that every Grey Warden was subject to. The years in Kirkwall, when he had no agreement with Justice, he rarely heard the call. It only returned once Justice had subsided…settled into the back of his mind, allowing him to return to the Fade and his dreams more frequently. And it seemed to have given him more time. More time to live. More time to put off his calling to the Deep Roads. But now, that time had come to an end and he had to be ready to answer.

In the days that followed his recognition of what needed to happen, he spent every waking moment with his children, and with the woman he loved so deeply…so _thoroughly_ that it hurt him to not look at her when she was near. He felt as though it would be an affront for his eyes not to be graced by her vision as much as possible in these last days.

Amelia and Gavin – now adults in their own right – were saddened by their father's decision. Yet, at the same time, fully understood what it meant. Their parents had taken years to prepare them for it – they knew exactly what to expect. And in fact, the eight years that had passed since they brought the twins to Kirkwall for the first time, had been full of discussion and the sharing of many experiences that served to bring them close as a family. They had even started to wonder if perhaps Anders was to be immune to the taint after all – but it was evident that this was no longer the case now. He would be leaving them. For good, this time.

In preparation for his departure, Anders sent correspondence to Orzammar in the hopes that they would advise him where best to head. They had made great strides in clearing the Deep Roads of darkspawn in the days since the blight – even opening up the great underground highway all the way from Orzammar to Kal-Hirol. He became nervous the longer it took for word from the dwarves, as the call was becoming more insistent. He'd soon have to leave and feared greatly that he'd wander aimlessly through the Roads without the darkspawn to encounter – waiting as the corruption became stronger and stronger.

When the messenger arrived with his reply, his relief was tangible, though it did _nothing_ for his wife. Hawke was even more nervous and withdrawn as they both began their preparations. It was time – they would leave by the end of the week.

* * *

><p>Hawke felt a little ill-prepared for the journey they were ready to take. It wasn't even that she wasn't ready to lose Anders to the darkspawn; she'd <em>never<em> be ready for that. But the years of travelling with him and the others at her side had given her a sense of what she needed for such a journey. It didn't feel like they had packed enough provisions to get them to their destination and back; or, at least for her to get back. Still, things felt off. Anders told her not to worry so much – that she was probably worrying needlessly because of the purpose of the journey. And he was right of course…why should anything about this feel right? Her life was about to be flipped on its end.

She considered the previous few nights that she had spent alone with her love. They remained tangled in each other's arms, fighting sleep and trying desperately to extract every bit of the other that they could before the end. He loved her carefully and attentively…she loved him with renewed passion and vigour. She studied every bit of him – every scar, every muscle, ever newly developed wrinkle. The silver that had begun to set into his crown and the way even after so many years, his eyes still lit up as a small child receiving a gift when he looked at her as she lie with her head on the pillow across from him. She memorized the smell of him…and the way he tasted…and how he moved when she touched him in those secret spots that only she knew about.

When he was gone, she would never forget a detail. He would never be more than arm's length away from her when she closed her eyes.

This was the hardest day now – Amelia and Gavin, standing before him. What would he say? What _could_ he say that could ever encompass the love that he felt for his grown children. For the family that gave him everything that he ever wanted.

He couldn't hold back his tears, and really, he had no desire to. He wanted the twins to know exactly how he felt about them.

"Father," Amelia began. She was always the one to broach such difficult subjects. "You have given us a life that knowing the alternative, could _never_ have lived without your sacrifices." Her voice wavered…her eyes watered. "You will be forever thought of for the rest of my days. I will…miss you."

He took her into his arms and held her close. "I love you, Amelia. I could never ask for a more incredible young woman as my daughter. Look after yourself…and your mother."

She nodded, wiping away at the fresh tears. It was difficult for her to let go of him, but she reluctantly did so.

"And Gavin, my boy," he continued, clasping the young man on the shoulder. "All those years spent terrorizing your sister and I never thought you'd have become the man you are today. I love you."

Gavin pulled his father into a tight hug, squeezing his eyes shut to fight back tears of his own. "I love you too, father. We'll take care of mother…I promise you."

He pulled out of the embrace and looked at the two. "I'm so very proud of both of you. Continue your work with the clinic, but do not do so out of obligation to either of us. Live your lives. Find someone to spend them with. Nothing would have been worth living without your mother in my life. Find balance and happiness."

Hawke reached across to him, squeezing his hand and sharing a glance.

"It's time for us to go," he said somberly. Hawke nodded, just as unhappily.

She reached out for her children and hugged them together.

"Mother, are you sure you do not wish us to come with you?" Gavin asked, concern on his face.

She nodded, brushing away his worry. "Yes, yes. I will be fine. Don't worry about me. Just take care of the clinic and house while I'm away."

They pulled apart, Amelia lingering in her mother's embrace longer than she expected. She gave her daughter a kiss on the forehead and retrieved her pack. She looked carefully at the staff leaning against the wall that she intended to bring with her.

"It's been quite a while since I've used this," she said quietly.

Anders smiled at her. "Hopefully you won't have to use it, and it'll just be a lovely accessory for you."

She smirked at him then, and as he opened the door and motioned for her to step out first, he took one last look back at his children and smiled.

"I love you both. I'll always love you."

* * *

><p>The journey to Orzammar was uneventful. It was long and tedious, but Ferelden had changed since the blight. Fewer bandits and raiders were on the roads, and most could be completely avoided if one knew how to travel off of the main roads. When Hawke and Anders could finally see the dwarven architecture amongst the Frostback Mountains, her throat tightened and never let up. She'd never been to Orzammar, and now regretted that fact, wishing it were a happier occasion.<p>

At the gates, they were met with minimal opposition. The dwarves were often welcoming of Grey Wardens as they met with their final journey into the deep. As they walked through the great main hall, Hawke couldn't help but stare in awe at the tremendous statues of Paragons of dwarven history. Anders smiled at her, seeing her face covered in wonder.

They continued through the city, past the guards to the Deep Roads and into the labyrinthine pattern of paths themselves. Anders had obtained a map to bring him south to some of the less explored roads south of the Dead Trenches. It would be there he would make his final stand.

Their long journey had come to its completion. Their lifetime together was all but over.

One final night.

One final embrace.

One final kiss…

* * *

><p>Night after night, she visited the Fade – torn between her desire to see her love once more and the recognition that if she did, his life in the mortal realm would have been ended. She would call out to Justice – knowing that the spirit would eventually answer, but the nights would pass. Her call went unanswered.<p>

She always appeared in the Fade as her former self – young, agile, beautiful. The way she appeared to Anders when she first entered his clinic so many years ago. Despite the years that had passed, she could always recall that day. When she had entered with her brother, Varric and Aveline, the healer had been visibly shaken at the sight of what he could have only assumed were heavily-armed raiders. He demanded that they leave the sanctum, partially in fear of frightening his patients; partially in fear for his own life. But she surprised him that day, and he learned that she was more than just some raider come to threaten his life or steal his medicines; she was a mage. And she would become the woman he would love until the end of time.

She would sit under a tree in the same field every night. The twisted forms of the Fade were always different, except for the tree. It was that same fruiting tree she had first encountered Justice under those many years before. The same tree that her children played under; picking up apples and giggling wildly as they chased each other round and round it. The same tree that she and Anders spent so much time under throughout their life in Ferelden – he caressing her softly, whispering loving words into her ear; she stroking his hair as he rest his head lightly upon her lap. She had hoped the setting would be familiar enough for the spirit to come…and for Anders to find her when the time came.

Yet her persistent visits to the Face were still fruitless. She would often simply sit for hours under that tree as her eyes drifted lazily across the horizon, scanning for any sign of the man that she loved. And he still did not come.

In her waking hours, she would time and again sit in the large living area, looking out the front window of the home, as Gavin and Amelia busied themselves around. Amelia would often stand off to the side of the room, watching her mother with sad eyes. She could see the heartbreak over the loss of Anders from her life. She and her brother also missed their father dearly, but for them, their mother's loss was incomparable.

"Mother," Amelia said, her voice barely catching the woman's attention. "Can I get you anything to eat? Or some tea perhaps?"

The woman's eyes would gaze over to her daughter slowly. "No dear, I'm fine," was always the answer.

"But you haven't eaten today," her daughter would protest. "You must eat. Father wouldn't have wanted you to be like this."

The mention of Anders immediately brought tears to her eyes. She could not stop grieving over his departure, yet she knew he may not have yet passed on from their mortal realm – or if he had, he had not yet found his way to the Fade. She knew that she would become aware when his soul had arrived there – she was linked to him and he would find her there. One day…one day he would come. And until that day, she would sit and stare…and wait. Wait for the night to come so that she would once again go to be with her love when he arrived.

Amelia moved towards her mother, sitting on the arm of the large chair the woman sat in. She placed her arms gently around the woman, cradling her head towards her.

"I know you miss him, mother," she said.

The woman nodded. "He may still live, Amelia," she said. "I should have been there with him. I should have been fighting at his side."

"This is his fate, not yours," she insisted. "You were not meant to be there at the end with him. You knew this when you discovered he was a Warden."

"I know," she said, lowering her head sadly. Amelia looked at her mother's crimson hair, as it had begun to fade into a silvery mop. Her face was drawn and weathered. Both she and Anders had told their children the story of their life together when they were old enough to understand what the rebellion had meant. Now that they were grown, they could fully appreciate the sacrifices that both of their parents had made for the mages in Thedas, and were happy for them.

As the day turned to night once more, Hawke prepared herself for sleep. A wave of comfort tainted with apprehension washed over her as she settled into her bed. When her eyes closed, sleep overtook her easily. She found herself immediately drawn to the tree.

_Their_ tree…

* * *

><p>Hours had passed. It could have been days for all she knew. She would have sat there forever to wait for Anders. But every night eventually ended and she would be forced to wake once more…with no sign of him.<p>

This night, however, was different. As she sat under the tree, she could see a figure in the distance. It approached her and she desperately hoped it was Anders. As it got closer, she could tell that she didn't know who it was. Though it wasn't…_real_. As much as nothing was truly real in the Fade, the being approaching was ethereal…transparent…a spirit? She did not know…but as it continued to make its way towards her, she could make out armour…boots and gauntlets and a helmet and chestplate…all of it, otherworldly. She stood up, peering into the slit in the helmet.

"You do not recognize me," he said.

"Justice?"

He nodded. "I am…no longer with Anders."

Suddenly, a swirl of emotions overtook her. "Your presence here…it means that—." She could not finish, but she did not need to.

Justice nodded once more. "You are correct," he said. "His soul has left his body. Yet, it has taken us some time to enter the Fade. I suspect you have felt many days pass in your waking world. I trust that this is an effect of our joining. Though now that I am here, I believe Anders will follow soon after."

She collapsed to the ground, her face buried in her hands. Her body shook with sobs. Anders was dead. She would never look upon him again with waking eyes. All her preparations for this moment…so many years of waiting and praying that it would not come to pass in this way…only to find out that it was the _only_ way things could have happened.

Hawke looked up when she felt a gauntleted hand upon her shoulder. It was surprisingly gentle. "For what it is worth, I am sorry for the loss of him."

She closed her eyes and nodded. "Justice…you…held up your end of the bargain. Thank you for not…"

He knew what she referred to when her words would no longer come forth. "My insistence to remain outside of the Fade was ill-advised. I belong here. This is my…home." He tried to wrap his mouth around the word home…but it didn't feel quite right. But saying the word and knowing what it meant were different things, and Justice knew that this was where he was meant to stay.

When she nodded, he stepped back. "I will stay with you should you need it," he suggested.

"I'm…not certain what I require, Justice," she replied. "But I think perhaps it best that I be alone."

"As you wish, Hawke," he said. "I will always be in the Fade. And we shall meet again."

He helped her back to her feet. "I'd like that." She embraced the spirit; despite his ghostly form, the mind made it feel real for her and she could feel the inflexibility of his heavy armour, could hear the inhaling and exhaling of his breath. She wasn't even certain if the spirit truly breathed.

When they pulled apart, he clasped both of his hands around one of hers and nodded considerately. He continued to hold on to her hand as he turned to walk away until he was no longer close enough to do so. As her hand fell to her side, her shoulders slumped and she slid back down to the ground, drawing her knees up under her.

_Anders is dead…_

So much of her wished to weep…to let out all the tears that she continued to have inside of her. But still, his death in Thedas meant he would be in the Fade…she shivered a little thinking of his arrival. She couldn't help but replay over and over exactly how she thought it would go.

But nothing could have truly prepared her for the moment. No matter what she intended to do or say…she knew it would all be different when he finally arrived.

And for what it was worth…she was right…

As Hawke watched the world that manifested itself in front of her, she neglected to keep an eye on the direction from which she came. She never knew where exactly Anders would have arrived, but for some reason, never considered that he'd come from their own home – the home she built in her mind's eye while she slept in the mortal realm.

She stayed on the ground under the tree for so many hours. She was so focused on the horizon, that the sound of softly padded footsteps approaching behind her never roused her. It wasn't until her dulled senses picked up a familiar scent…the scent of mana and elfroot…the scent that _always_ reminded her of Anders…that she began to slowly turn around. She wasn't able to fully look behind her before she felt knees pushing against her lower back…felt arms wrapping around her waist…felt a chin resting upon her shoulder. She shuddered; the familiar feel of her husband overwhelmed her.

"Anders," she said breathlessly. "Anders, you're here…"

He smiled into her neck, kissing her gently. "Oh, my love. You waited here. I knew you would be waiting here."

She spun around to face him and surveyed his face. He looked exactly as he did the moment they embraced for a final time before he set off alone in the Deep Roads. Weary…tired…drawn…_beautiful_…

He brought a gentle hand up to her cheek, cupping it lightly and kissing her nose…her forehead. "Love," he began. "You need not project yourself this way."

She was confused for a moment, but then recalled how she'd returned to the Fade as her younger self repeatedly. When she was more attractive…more beautiful.

"I thought you'd like to—"

He put a finger to her lips. "You are the love of my life. You gave me two incredible children. You lived a lifetime of wonder with me, my beautiful wife. I want to look upon you as you are now." He closed his eyes briefly and when he reopened them, she kneeled before him – tarnished, fragile, weak. And it was all he could do to keep from crying at seeing her face again the way he wished more than even life itself.

He pressed his lips against hers with a gentle insistence. He wrapped his arms around her back and pulled her close. Her fingers weaved their way into his graying hair, still long and course as she remembered.

She moved her lips to his cheek, kissing across it until she buried her face into the crook of his neck.

"Anders, I love you. And you came for me…you came to me even after death."

"I'll never forget what I told you. I loved you until the day I died," he said softly as he held her. "And now that I have found you in the beyond, I will love you for eternity."

They continued to hold each other closely. Minutes passed. Hours…perhaps days. The Fade, of course, pays no mind to the passage of time.

Eternity waits…

* * *

><p>"Gavin!"<p>

The young man heard his sister's call and hurried to her side. "What is it, Amelia?"

"It's…mother," she replied. "I'm worried. She…won't wake up."

"She still breathes," he said.

"I know," Amelia said quietly. "But…something isn't right. I've tried to rouse her. Nothing is working."

"You don't suppose…"

He didn't have to finish his statement. She knew what he was suggesting. She nodded sadly.

"I…I don't know what to do," she said, a tear spilling down her cheek.

He hugged her tight and spoke into her ear. "Be happy for her, Meli. She's found father in the Fade. Look at her face. Look at how peaceful she is. It can't be anything else."

She did look. The woman on the bed was almost…smiling as she slept.

"What if she doesn't come back to us, Gav? What if she never wakes up?"

"Then we'll see her in our dreams, dear sister. We'll always have our dreams."

They watched her carefully, her breath causing her chest to rise and fall slowly.

And they watched her for the many days that followed. Until one day, that rising and falling of shallow breaths ceased to occur. She had breathed her last…her decision to remain in the arms of her love in the Fade being the only force that mattered.

Despite it all, her children understood. They knew the great love their parents shared. The love that changed the course of the world. It was powerful and everlasting. And the legacy that began one terrible night in Kirkwall would live on even beyond death.

The legacy that brought down the tyranny of the templars…that reinvented the teachings of the Chantry…that let mages in Thedas live free.

It was their gift to the world. The legacy of the Champion of Kirkwall and the Darktown Healer.

_I will love you for eternity…_


End file.
